1635 hrs February 25th 2005

I'm beginning to see

why they say,

No man is an island.

Somehow

built into all of us,

is a need

to put our trust

and faith

in someone else.

If all trust is gone,

a man has to

go through Life,

trusting only himself

and no one else.

That seems

like being trapped

in the worst

prison cell

of them all.

1310 hrs February 24th 2005

I didn't say,

you treated me unkind.

You could have done better

but I don't mind.

You just kinda wasted

my precious time.

But don't think twice

its ALRIGHT.

1310 hrs February 18th 2005

I have this strange affinity

to Batam.

The Dreamers

and

The Losers.

The down and out,

who have to make it here

because

they could not make it

anywhere else.

Living in Batam,

at the edge of the glitz

of Singapore

city life,

The Underdog peers stealthily

like a voyeur

as rich Ah Beng

takes his Kampung Sweetheart

and screws her

for $40 a weekend.

He could only salivate

at the seafood

Ahmad and Bhai

gorge themselves,

saying so cheap, so cheap.

He dreams

of making it there

somehow,

someday.

In the meantime,

the downtrodden,

the ojek bums,

the taxi hustlers,

the happy hookers,

live Life

at the edge of the City,

or at the edge

of Life itself.

Yet,

beneath the city,

in the squalor

of a squatter's existence,

two hearts beat,

love is found,

love is lost.

As the wretched stench

of poor sanitation pervades

malaria ridden mosquitoes,

irregular filthy water

and electric supply.

Yet the roar of diesel engines

go on

through the night,

to the insistent beat

of danduk techno disco,

heads sway to the throb

of home made ecstacy drugs,

the island of dreamers

and losers,

roll on

to yank of

the One Eyed Bandit.

1300 hrs February 18th 2005

It's February 18th.

I'm such a sucker for milestone dates.

Exactly two years ago,

I met Ms X.

I remembered

what I was thinking,

tall curvy

sweet little smile

I could drown

in the brown of

her eyes.

Always a little

uncertain

unconfident.

Yet a dash of

feminine elegance

and Indonesian

hospitable charm.

We've come a long way baby,

where do we go

from here?

1030 hrs February 14th 2005

So its St Valentine's Day.

Who the hell invented that?

Set aside one day in a year

for your loved one?

Just one fucking day?

Heck, everyday should be

Valentine's Day!!!

When we decide to love someone,

hey, love is a conscious choice!

Cut that fall hopelessly in love bullshit!!!

Thats for teenagers!!!

As much as we choose our partners,

our partners chose us too!

So when we decide to love,

we have to decide that

our words

and

actions,

should reflect

that love.

Everything we say

or do,

should be driven

by that love

which is above

all priorities.

The marital vow is all wrong!!!

For better or worse

In sickness and in health

For richer or poorer,

until death

do us part.....

Sounds like a fucking chore!!!

How about

we promise to court each other,

do nice things for each other,

say nice things to each other,

love and desire each other,

revolve our lives around each other,

never ever cause harm

or hurt,

because when she cries,

I cry too.

When she laughs,

living becomes worthwhile,

Every single day,

until death do us part?

Throw away the marital vow,

they should adopt Uncle Psycho's

Principle of Concerted Concurrence (POCC)

for relationships

and marriages.

That two people

should only do and say things

that each other will

heartily approve

because

henceforth

all our words and deeds

are made of

love.

1050 hrs February 8th 2005

Abuse

Verbal abuse

Physical abuse

Mental abuse

Emotional abuse

Spiritual abuse

You used it all.

But I just can't break free,

fuck Stockholm's Syndrome.

fuck the psychiatrist's theories.

I'd gladly trade in

all my tomorrows,

for a single

yesterday.

I need you

I want you

I love you.

I really can't make it

by myself.

I love you so.

1700 hrs February 4th 2005

Fuck it.

I can

critisize

analyse

theorize

hypothesize

all I want.

Does not change the fact

it hurts like fuck.

Wish you plunged

a dagger

into my heart

instead.

1130 hrs February 4th 2005

You have your own needs and wants,

I have mine.

It seems an abyss

too immeasurably deep

and far apart

to bridge.

Sometimes, we're like two ships

passing in the night

you go your way

I go mine.

I know, sometimes

when I'm so wrapped up

in my pursuit

of monetary success,

I forgot

about being

your man,

made you feel

alone

and

abandoned.

I'm sorry

but I was merely

building

a financial nest

for our future.

Its like as

I was pursuing

our dreams,

I forgot

what I was dreaming

about.

Thus a void

was created

in your heart

which someone else

could fill

albeit

temporarily.

1530 hrs February 2nd 2005

Say no more,

I can only judge you

by your actions.

Just what is infidelity?

Bill Clinton

was judged NOT to be unfaithful

because he did not have

penetrative sex.

He merely inserted a cigar

into Monica Lewinsky.

So what is infidelity?

Must it be sexual intercourse?

Or just any sexual contact.

Would a deep kiss

or a tit fondle count?

How about a

finger fuck?

How about talking dirty

on the internet?

I would say

if there is any form

of sexual arousal involved

with another person.

What if there

was no physical contact?

What if there was merely

some form of

emotional attraction?

Sounds worse,

love gets involved.

What if you go out

with someone,

knowingly that he is

attracted to you,

or have ulterior motives?

i.e. physical attraction.

And you do it anyway,

to flatter your own ego.

This is going in circles.

In the final analysis,

at the danger of oversimplification,

I conclude that

infidelity is

the intentional hurt

of your partner's feelings,

by involving another person

in any form

of contact.

Period

1600 hrs February 1st 2005

I really don't know

how to say this.

But I cannot take it

anymore.

I loved you

more than Life.

But the pain

you caused

is unbearable.

Everytime

I'm in bed with you,

I see another man.

I can't help feeling,

that the sanctity

of our relationship

have been forever

defiled

by your lack

of consideration

for my feelings.

I will still exercise

emotional discipline

and

mental control.

I will still endeavour

to show you

my love.

But,

to be honest,

I'm quickly reaching

the conclusion,

our individual happiness

lies elsewhere.

Love

is supposed

to feel good.

I feel like

I'm a dying patient

in ICU