Can the blind cry
Can the mute scream
Can the deaf man hear
those tears
that flow
in the rivers
and form
the sea.
Can Daddy hold you
for just one precious minute?
What could Daddy have done?
I begged for an answer.
Can Daddy
take your place
instead?
Prayers of anguish
and cries of agony
disappear into nothingness.
Mother Mary mocks me
as her lips curl
into that twisted smile
holding Christ our Lord.
We could have
had so much fun together.
Going boating,
and dive into the sea
taking turns to be
Godzilla?
Building sandcastles
and destroying them.
Drift car racing,
like we're Jackie Chan?
playing frisbee,
and catch it
with one hand
between the legs?
play rugby,
and slide in the mud
and giggle
knowing Mum will kill us?
play tennis,
and pretend
Federer is a loser?
Watching Loserpool lose again,
another reason to drink beers
and smoke ciggys?
Do you know that Daddy
was great
at inventing kid's stories?
Your cousins loved them.
Will you ever know?
Will you ever call me Dad
one day when we meet
in Heaven?
Your cot
Dad made sure
its made in Denmark,
no leaded paint
or toxic coatings,
lies empty.
The whole house
is hollow,
devoid of the soul
you could have brought.
Will we ever laugh
with Nemo
or sing
with Sebastian
and Ariel?
Could we have conspired
to stay out of trouble
from Mum?
Dad is fun
Mum is business.
Could we have tortured
Genghis together?
Bath him
in the washing machine?
All that is gone,
in the trauma
of the worst weekend
in Daddy's life,
and Mummy's too.
Did you see Mum and Dad
feverishly praying
that you will survive?
Did you hear Mum
telling you
that all is OK
and that you will be fine?
How can we say goodbye
when we never said hello.
We dreamt
that you are tough
and will survive anything
and joked that if we did not
give you education,
you'd be a gangster chief.
All we could do
is say we love you,
beneath the grainy black and white
of the ultrasound
as you did 3 vertical jumps.
All we could do
is to cry in vain
as you lie lifeless
amongst the bloodied mess
on the petri dish.
Can Daddy just hold you
for one precious minute?
When the blind cries
and the mute screams
and the deaf hears
them both.
