Daddy,
as I call out to you,
while you lay
withered and frail
on the hard teak
of my lounge bed,
you never liked
a proper mattress,
do you still know my name?
do you still remember
that I'm your son?
Your only son?
Everytime I hear you
grasp in a momentous struggle,
for your next breathe,
it felt like a knife
going through my heart.
As memories roll back
the arms of time.
You were strong
and stout
with broad shoulders
in a younger man's clothes.
You worked two jobs
to raise the family.
Coming home late
at night,
I would wait up
for you
to return
on your motorbike.
You would lift me up
to your shoulders
and play horsie
as I squealed
in delight.
I remember
how I loved football
as a kid.
You took me to the sports shops
at Katong Shopping Centre
to buy me a pair
of football boots.
But I was too
dimunitive
and none of the boots fitted.
You took me to a speciality store
at Onan Road,
to have a pair of football boots
specially tailored
for me.
Whenever I kicked
the ball,
I was so small,
the recoil would
make me fall back
on my back.
You would laugh
and showed me
how to kick.
I was awestruck
by your strength
as you thumped
the ball
into the air,
across the field.
I still hear your laughter
ringing in my ears,
when I refused to eat,
I was a poor eater then,
am still now.
You would order
charcoal barbequed
chicken wings,
as you knew
that is the only way
of getting me to eat
something.
I was such
an eloquent kid,
the PAP kindergarten
made me Emcee
for the graduation party
which I really really hated.
As a shy and introverted kid,
I stepped up on stage
and held the mike,
I saw the huge grin
on your face
and your sunglasses,
standing in the corner.
I made my speech
in flawless english
and you erupted
into applause,
clapping the loudest.
I still hear the resonance
of your approval
as you shouted
YEAH!!!
Somehow all the nervousness
and stage fright
melted away,
when I saw my Daddy there.
Coz nothing else matters
but him being there.
There was once,
you waited for me
outside school
as usual
in your school bus,
I was quietly tearing away.
You asked me why.
I refused to tell.
You instinctively knew
someone bullied me.
You demanded,
"Somebody bullied you?"
I nodded my head
in tears.
"Show me that boy!"
You held my little hand,
and I pointed out
my classmate.
You strode over
and reprimanded
in that low baritone voice,
"You disturbed my son?"
that kid was so frightened,
as you glared at him.
When I was in junior college,
I got expelled
for failing mandarin.
You drove up to
the Ministry of Education
at Tanglin
and kicked up
such a fuss,
almost threatening
to beat up
the department head
in charge of junior college admissions.
They repealed mandarin requirement
a few years later.
I like to think
that verbal bombardment
you gave
had something to do with it.
I remembered the stupid fights
we had,
when I was a teenager.
You would tell me repeatedly,
"I can't wait for the army
to get you,
they will make a man
out of you"
I joined the army
and told you
I was in the demolition squad.
I saw the fear and worry
in your face
afraid that I would die
in an accidental bomb blast.
You spent the next one year
talking to friends
about how to get me out.
One day I came home,
and told you
the army posted me out
of demolition
and into admin.
You asked,
what happened ?
I said, I failed
a medical.
You said
GOOD.
You never knew
what I did
for a living.
But one day,
a cousin saw my name card
and told you,
my brains must be working
"like a computer"
to do my job.
You were so proud,
you went around
shelling out my name cards
to everyone you meet.
I get calls from strangers
looking for a job.
Dad, if my brain worked
like a computer,
yours must be the lastest
Pentium 4.
You never had
the education,
you probably
never needed it.
When my wife left me,
I was sobbing
at your feet
like a little boy again.
I lifted your hand
to my head
and stroked my hair.
You laughed
because you knew
I always felt comforted
whenever
you stroked my hair.
A few days later,
a girl from a modelling agency called me.
She told me you met her
and told her that I was depressed
and needed some company.
She said she called because
you looked really concerned
for me and wanted me
to appreciate you
for doing that.
Daddy
as I write this
silent tears flowed
like a river,
can you stay around
for just a little longer please?
I don't know
how to make it
without you
I love you
as my hero.
Can you show me
how to kick that ball
again please?
