2300 hrs October 31st 2004

Don't you find it strange,

how Christians in particular,

wallow in victimhood?

It's like every adversity in Life,

is the Devil's persecution,

of God's people.

And they retreat

into this Godly sanctuary

called the Church

or House of God,

and exchange sad stories

of how they have been victimised

for their faith,

and how the Devil

is putting them into a severe test

of their faith.

I think it would be too easy

for the Devil.

None of these Christians

would have stood a chance.

Been watching the Halocaust

with Ms X.

Makes me thing that Hitler's

murder of 6 million Jews,

is clearly not enough.

All throughout the Bible,

were documented events

of how the Jews

slaughtered and exterminated

non-Jews or Gentiles

as we are called.

One genocide deserves

another.

Up till today,

Jewish atrocities

in Palestine and

West Bank,

go as justification,

for the Halocaust.

For people whose God,

drove humankind

out of Heaven,

because Eve succumbed

to the temptation of eating

from the Tree of Knowledge,

we're all paying

for the sins

of that bitch's

quest for knowledge.

Christians call that

God of Love.

Some love.

1220 hrs October 27th 2004

Strange,

3 weeks into my 40th year.

I feel mildly mellow,

kinda anti-climatic.

Begin to think quite alot

about Life.

A Purposeful Life,

is precisely that,

living with a purpose.

Might as well write mine

for the record.

You got to know where you're going,

otherwise you won't know

how to get there,

you might not even know

when you got there.

I aim to touch the lives

of everyone

around me,

with my life.

As I walk my Life's path,

I want to light up candles

along the way.

To do that,

in today's world,

I need money.

Lots of money.

So I'll work hard

at helping others

help themselves.

If I give a hungry man a fish,

he will have one meal.

But if I give a hungry man a fish,

and a net,

he won't be hungry again.

Therein lies my challenge,

to create as many nets

as possible.

So off I go,

there is much to do.

1130 hrs October 21th 2004

What do I want in a woman?

OK, here's some of my wish list,

that I sure as hell ain't gonna get,

not in today's English speaking world

anyway.

Loyalty,

I value loyalty

above everything else.

I'd like a woman

who will stand by me,

through thick and thin,

better or worse.

I'd want someone to

defend my name

even with family members.

She'd be ready

to go to war

with me,

and take on

any obstacle

that Life presents.

Moral support,

I need that from a woman.

Someone who pushes me

to the limits

of my potential

in her own gentle way,

I don't mean

a nagger.

Encourage me,

without breaking

my spirit

or putting me down.

Inspiration,

I want to turn to my woman

for inspiration.

Someone who makes me think

at a deeper level

and makes me

want to be

a better man.

Sacrifice,

I want a woman

who will sacrifice

things that matter to her

because

I matter more.

Tender loving care,

no man can function

without that.

Sometimes,

Life can suck

real bad.

Rough day at work,

business is bleak,

investments turn sour.

Nothing beats

the tender touch

of a loving woman,

I would feel

recharged,

energised again.

Because

I become purposeful

again.

I've stopped doing things

for myself

a long time ago,

I'm doing it

for her.

1300 hrs October 18th 2004

Spent the weekend

in Batam again.

This time a real

eye-opening experience.

Met a frightfully smart

3 year old Sundanese girl.

She is everything I want

in a daughter.

Doting,

pampering,

mollycoddling,

affectionate.

I just had to indulge,

bought her a teddy bear

and a rag doll.

Breaks my heart

to think,

her probable future

is either

a domestic maid,

or a prostitute.

Even more shocking,

when I sent her home.

Parent's live in a plywood hut,

with no furniture,

just a floor space,

no bigger

than my storeroom.

They cook there,

they eat there,

they shit there,

they sleep there,

they fuck there.

Right next to

a construction yard.

Anytime now,

their home will be

razed down,

to build a new building.

And the family,

will have to find

a new plot of land,

and start over.

Such is a squatter's existence.

It makes me want,

to make a difference,

in the lives,

of such people.

It makes me want,

to aim for a higher purpose,

in my business venture.

Perhaps commercial considerations

is the chief overriding factor,

but I would want

my company

to have social responsibilities

as well.

I would provide for my employees,

employment that pays reasonably well,

accomodation with modern amenities,

food that nourishes health,

education to secure a future

for their children,

a benign boss

that provides

a decent communal life,

within company premises,

such that the well being

of the company

is in everyone's

interests.

I feel energised,

just visualising it.

0200 hrs October 15th 2004

I can't sleep

Everything seems to be

in a state of flux.

The flame on my lighter

may appear as a constant fire,

but it is not,

but a stream of burning gas.

I am not

what I was

10 years ago,

and will certainly not

be what I am,

10 years from now.

I am probably a master

in dealing with changes,

such is my professional training

over 18 years.

Why am I paralysed

with inertia,

in matters

of the heart?

The harder I try,

the worse it gets.

My happiest times

were

when I never really needed

to try.

I am not what she wants,

therein lies the seed of

her constant angst.

That is a oft repeated

and documented

statement.

Just that

in the absence

of better alternatives,

the path of least resistance

is mostly

status quo.

Do I want

to be the lesser option?

Just who is bullshitting who?

But I never liked

to play God

in such matters,

its a matter of

personal integrity,

I won't cause hurt,

even if

my personal happiness

is at stake.

It is the kind of decision,

I can never make.

1630 hrs October 14th 2004

Got to know a new friend,

Ms E from the land down under.

Thought it would be apt

to welcome her to Singapore,

with a little bit of insight.

The Singapore government

has the right to arrest and detain anyone,

without trial,

a blantant disregard for

the Universal Law of Human Rights.

Singaporeans generally live in a climate

of political fear.

We have our own self-styled KGB

called ISD or

Internal Security Department.

Any public gathering of more than 5 persons

is outlawed,

which makes public protests

impossible.

Our media, TV, radio and newspapers

are government owned.

We are ranked 144th in press freedom,

just 22 notches above

North Korea.

General elections here

are under the direct control,

of the Prime Minister,

no independent election commissions,

like Zimbabwe.

We also have the dubious honour

of having the highest executions rate

in the world.

The government files defamation suits

against its critics,

thereby bankrupting them.

The wealth of the country,

about $250 billion is

effectively in the hands

of one family.

There are no laws

that protect the privacy of

the individual.

The police admitted

they hacked into home computers,

in the name of IT security.

There is also a law against

political talk

via SMS

during election time.

The poorest 10% of the population earns

$61 a month,

the prime minister earns $154,000 a month.

The middle class

is doomed to hardship,

at retirement age,

his flat will consist 75%

of his networth,

as opposed to 20%

recommended by any financial planner.

We have the highest elderly suicide rate

in the world,

in a society with no compassion,

the young do not have the means

to take care of the elderly.

Minister Mentor reaffirmed NO

to suggestions of using the country's reserves

to subsidise elderly health care.

He probably thinks,

the country's savings

is his

and his alone.

16,000 households

could not afford utility bills.

2000 houseeholds

could not afford children education.

We averaged 400 suicides a year,

thats about one

daily.

We expect

the highest economic growth rate

in Asia this year,

overtaking even China,

but unemployment

hovers around around 4.5%.

Since I mentioned North Korea and Zimbabwe,

thought it would be noteworthy,

that Kim Jong Il does his banking,

and Robert Mugabe does his shopping

in Singapore.

Dictators sure flock together

0940 hrs October 4th 2004

Well,

I've finally turned 40

yesterday.

Took me a long time

to get here.

View ain't pretty,

looks like a long downhill

from here.

But I ain't

going down that hill.

I'm taking another route.

Can't see very far,

but looks like mountains ahead

to climb,

and fall.

But by nature,

I am both an adventurer

and risk taker.

Why bother taking the known route,

when it's going down?

Let's take the unknown route,

it may well take me,

to higher heights.

Turning 40 seems significant,

Moses led the Isrealites out of Egypt,

and they wandered in the wilderness,

for 40 years,

before they reached,

the Promised Land.

Anyone can tell you,

it takes less than a month,

to walk from Egypt to Isreal.

Looks to me that they wandered

around the Promised Land,

for 40 years,

without knowing,

they're already in the

Promised Land.

Henceforth, my question,

what if the Life we are leading,

is already Heaven,

but we just didn't know it?

It's all a matter of perception.

Perception is afterall,

your immediate

Reality.

Like the thrillseeker,

on a rollercoaster ride.

He enjoys the highs,

as much as the lows.

He reaches back to the same spot,

shaken

but not stirred.

So there I go again,

into my rollercoaster ride.

Not knowing what to expect,

but going to enjoy it,

nonetheless.

With a full time job,

and a side line business

to run.

With my parents to support,

and Ms X to protect and provide,

and a set of value systems to guide.

That my words and actions,

are observed and recorded,

and one day I would

be held accountable,

as I lay down

the straight and

undeviating

line of conduct,

as I pursue

the 2nd chapter

in my Life.

Life in its 2nd edition,

revised

and improved.