0035 hrs August 30th 2005

Its hard to believe

Its hard to have faith.

Why bother creating

a questioning mind,

when there are no answers?

Its quite obvious,

from my disdain of God,

that my soul

is not with Him.

I've given him ultimatums,

in search for answers,

He did not reply.

Conversely,

I would not have traded my soul

to the Devil,

unless I have

untold earthly richess

and carnal pleasures.

I have none of the above,

So the Devil

does not possess my soul

either.

Since God does not possess

my soul,

it follows that the Devil

would be first in queue

to claim it,

I actually offered

to him,

more than once,

he did not show up.

Thus the inference

have to be

neither God

nor the Devil

exists,

or quite simply,

I do not

have a soul.

1717 hrs August 29th 2005

Went with Ms X

to the 1421 Zheng He exhibition.

All the fanfare

about how great

the Chinese civilisation was,

how they conquered the oceans,

and discovered America,

drew maps of uncharted territories

almost 100 years

before the Europeans.

How Zheng He's BaoChuan

was 5 times bigger

than Columbus.

Compelling evidences

that Zheng He

visited New Zealand,

before Captain Cook.

Sailed Magellan Straits

before Magellan.

Built a Chinese fortress

in Nova Scotia.

Well, it sure puffed up

some Chinese egos.

I however,

felt depressed.

OK, we were light years

ahead of Western Civilisation

600 years ago.

We were brave

we were smart.

Then,

tell me,

with such a head start,

how the hell did we fall

so far behind

the West?

To me,

1421 is not about

how great the Chinese were,

but how we fucked up

as a people.

2245 hrs August 26th 2005

I think I've found God

He's there all this while

hiding

between her legs

1550 hrs August 26th 2005

I've always been intrigued

by the Minangkabau people.

They are the largest matrilineal culture

in the modern world.

I always wanted to see,

how does

a female dominated society works.

All property,

are passed down

the females,

even family names.

No possession

a man ever has

is truly his own.

They're passed

to his wife,

or even his sister

or her children.

The Grandmother

is the ultimate power figure

in the family.

No man ever proposes marriage

to a woman.

He waits

for a woman

to propose

to him.

Afterwhich,

he moves into

her parent's house.

A man will seek

his fortunes

which will never

be his.

All business

and companies

are owned by women.

So what have I witnessed?

I saw a part of Indonesia

that is well organised,

and relatively prosperous.

I saw the only Indonesian natives

that could match

Indonesian chinese

in economic dominance.

I saw well maintained roads,

running water,

reliable electrical supply,

internet access

and mobile phone networks.

I saw how happy

people can be,

when women don't marry

for money.

1315 hrs August 26th 2005

The ethereal beauty

of Lake Maninjau,

the delicate mist

rolls down the slopes

of the volcanic craters,

meets the spiritual calm

of the torqoise blue waters.

Beneath my feet

teeming with life,

as fish feed

in crystal clear water.

A celestial peace

pervades my consciousness,

such heavenly beauty

an unbearable lightness

the senses

became intangible.

Ms X cracks

into a childlike giggle

as the water spills

into our canoe

carved out of ancient wood.

Over in the valley,

the luscious green

of the tropical rain forest.

Touching beauty

an aesthetic experience

far from the bustle

of the city.

0915 hrs August 15th 2005

Today is Korean holiday,

which means

I do jackoff

in the office.

Last Friday,

I went out

with TWO ex-girlfriends.

Not one,

but two!!!

Old uncle here

still got ex-girlfriends

who wanted to see me.

I was with them,

well before I was married.

So one was

21 years ago,

and the other

18 years ago.

After sending one home,

buggered off

to meet the other.

It felt unreal,

that strange sense

of familiarity.

How that closeness

was once shared,

and now

separated by

Time.

In each one,

I could still see,

what attracted me

to them

years ago.

I didn't ask them,

but I felt

such a changed man.

When I was a younger man,

I was so damned positive

so damned energetic

and dynamic.

Now,

it appears

that Life

have taken a swipe

at me

and left me

reeling,

the bitter taste

of defeat

ever present

in the corner

of my mouth.

But enough

of feeling sorry

for myself,

enough

of being deflated.

I want to be that guy,

who was so forward thinking,

he absolutely

had no time

for regrets.

No time for problems,

only time for solutions.

Afterall

happiness

is a decision

too

2145 hrs August 14th 2005

Back from Batam,

how things have changed.

There is a certain air

of despondency

about that place now.

Gone were those days

when Nagoya Food Court

would be packed

to the brim

on Saturday nights.

All it took,

was the banning of casinos,

and the Singaporean weekend cheongsters

decided to stay away.

The government in Batam,

has obviously no clue

what drove

the Batam economy.

The men in the street,

can shoulder part of the blame

as well.

Prices in Batam,

have gone ridiculous.

When things get overpriced,

the buyers stay home

in Singapore.

Its as simple as that.

The Singaporean cheongster

who wants a weekend

of gambling,

sex,

seafood,

booze,

found gambling banned,

seafood and booze

no longer cheap,

only sex

remains cheap.

One out of Four,

surely ain't good enough,

especially when you factor in

higher ferry tickets

and hotel accomodation.

The poor Batam hookers,

left at mercy

of things quite beyond

their control.

And when the Batam economy

takes a nosedive,

the corrupt police

goes out

on a desparate

treasure hunt.

Easy money,

is not so easy

anymore.

But what about

the Singaporean government?

I am shocked

at the way,

the press goes out,

to crucify

Andrew Kuan.

Absolutely nothing good,

been said about him

at all.

When anybody

becomes so slanted,

I tend to really question why.

I may not know Andrew Kuan,

but my best guess is,

he is

really good,

that they fear him.

1550 hrs August 12th 2005

Back from Taipei,

quite a good trip.

What a surprise

to see how Taipei

has transformed

in few years.

I used to hate Taipei,

it was dirty,

smelly and polluted.

Now I marvel

at the wide boulevards,

clean streets,

greenery.

There is a certain air

of prosperity

in the gleaming malls.

This is the result

when you have

a better democratic system,

when the Democratic Progressive Party,

took to the streets,

and pushed out Kuo Mintang.

When businessmen takes care

of business,

you get world class companies

like Acer, TSMC, Hon Hai.

Over in Singapore,

when you have scholars

taking care of business,

you have Chartered Semicon

and SuZhou industrial park.

In Taiwan, industries

sued the tax authorities

and won.

Try suing the Singapore government.

Taiwan achieved all this

at a time

when Mainland Chinese missiles

are pointed at it,

when people demanded independence.

Yet they skillfully avoided

a public referendum

but at the same time

fostering closer economic ties

with the Mainland.

The Communists ain't gonna

lob missiles at you

when your economy

is critical to them.

Nonetheless,

I went to this sparkling mall

Taipei 101,

bought 3 bohemian pieces

for Ms X.

She said

it was expensive.

But so what,

for $350

in exchange

to see her smile

when she tries them on

Priceless.

0230 hrs August 8th 2005

Its 2:30 am,

and I can't sleep.

Damned, will be flying

to Taipei

in a few hours.

Boy, do I hate Taipei.

For a place so

technologically advanced,

so

economically rich,

Taipei reeks

of the stench

of open sewers.

Its a first world country,

that smells third world.

Speaking of which,

I spent the last two nights

at Dynasty Classic KTV.

Entertaining visiting

clients from Korea.

I dunno

if I'm plain jealous

that some men

have family lives

that I often craved,

but yet

do not treasure.

Why do you need

the company

of a Mainland Chinese girl?

I am never tired of

the company

of Ms X.

If you are tired

of the company

of your wife,

why did you marry her?

worse,

start a family

with her?

How can you actually

kiss a Mainland girl,

who just a few minutes ago,

gave someone else a blowjob

next door?

Would you ever forgive

yourself,

if you gave your kids

incurable herpes?

1710 hrs August 5th 2005

OK Girls,

don't send me anymore hate mail.

I admit

I was bloody jealous.

Balaclava is such a happening place

but nothing happened

to me.

I was sitting there

like a bloody loser.

But seriously,

with our local girls

going for Western guys,

and local guys

going for Mainland girls,

I see a serious

social divide

that will be created

in the next generation.

Of course

our million dollar ministers

won't see it,

but when it happens,

remember that Uncle Psycho

warned about it

20 years ago.

1150 hrs August 5th 2005

I was at Balaclava

last night.

Was both shocked

and disgusted,

at how loose

and easy

Singaporean women are.

All it takes,

is one fat, balding, ugly

angmor,

go up to them,

buy a drink,

chat a little,

and she goes to bed

with him.

Do you feel flattered?

to be picked up?

A girl does not even need

to be remotely pretty

to get picked up,

just willing.

These angmors

should stay home

and masturbate.

You need a hole?

Go fuck a dog.

We should enforce

strict visas rules,

expensive flight tickets,

closure of all

nightlife establishments.

Local women seen

with western men,

should be whipped.

Broaden the defination of

the term prostitution,

any woman going to bed

in exchange for a few drinks

should be branded

prostitute.

Just what have these westerners

done for us anyway?

Since the Foreign Talent policy

was introduced in the 90s,

Singapore's economy

have not grown

at all.

1645 hrs August 4th 2005

Somebody tell me

is it just my imagination,

or there are really few

national flags hanging

this year?

Notice the uproar

on the Internet

over the NKF debacle.

Notice how furious

people get

when told 600k a year

is peanauts.

Notice people actually

asked who paid

for LKY's wife transport

from London.

The government

has its statistics,

I have my own.

About 9 in 10

Singaporean men

hate the government.

About 4 in 10

Singaporean women

hate the government.

About 1 in 5

Singaporeans I know

is unemployed,

or underemployed.

Many have given up trying.

Singaporean women

tend to love this country.

Number 1 airport

why don't you start

travelling a bit more?

Number 1 MRT

ditto above

In HK or Tokyo,

you don't have to wait 8 minutes

for the next train.

Clean and green,

ditto above,

we're absolutely filthy

compared to Seoul or Tokyo.

Safe and secure,

ditto above,

I feel safer in Batam.

This year is election year,

if they tell me they won

by 75% majority again,

I will know

that is mathematically

impossible

1620 hrs August 4th 2005

There is something seriously wrong

with this country.

Seems like just about everyone I know,

Two incomes,

husband and wife,

after paying

for the house

for the car

for the credit cards

for the annual holiday

they have NO SAVINGS LEFT.

How to start a family?

And all the government can say,

is Singaporeans are not having

enough sex.

Just go to Geylang

and check the turnover.

Its the ECONOMY STUPID!!!

I'm no economist,

but I suspect

if you take the government

and foreigners

out of the economy,

the GDP per capita

of Singaporeans,

is probably closer to that

of Malaysia.

After 40 years of independence,

we're still a 3rd world country,

perhaps just a bit more

sanitary.

We deserve to be

recolonised by Britain

or remerged with Malaysia.

1150 hrs August 4th 2005

I just read

that Singapore's Household debt

per capita

is 170%

That makes

households in Singapore

the most indebted families

in the whole bloody world.

We are living

way beyond

our means.

Our lifestyles

are financed

not with cash,

but borrowings.

Alot of this

can be traced,

to high cost of

property,

which feeds into

high cost of living,

nothwithstanding

high mortgage payments

making Singaporean families

highly indebted.

We owe more

than we earn

as a country

minus the government.

There are two ways

to reduce household debt.

Either

we drastically increase

our incomes,

which I cannot see how,

as a already expensive

workforce,

or we drastically reduce

our debt,

which means

asset sales.

Can't see how

can prices of property

go up.

Given this economic scenario,

the government

reduced property downpayment

to 10%

Getting more people

to buy condos

sucking up the over supply

built by developers

in the last 5 years,

in the process

increasing

our debts,

when asset sales

is the only way

to go.

Blind faith

in the government

is gonna bankrupt you.

But what the fuck,

they'll bankrupt you

for saying that

anyway

1215 hrs August 3rd 2005

The West is getting it wrong

again.

Going on a witchhunt

of Muslim suicide bombers,

shooting any innocent guy

suspected of being a radical Muslim,

is not the answer.

Strikes me as so typical

of shallow Western thinking

to tackle a problem

at its superficial symptom.

Suicide bombers

tend to come from

strict Islam cultures

like Saudi Aarabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan,

not moderate Islam cultures

like Turkey or Malaysia.

Even suicide bombers from

Britain or Indonesia

gravitate to religious leaders

in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Fundamentalist Islam teaches

that the good life begins

in heaven,

not on earth.

Especially those who die

in Jihad

against enemies

of Islam.

They're guaranteed

an endless stream

of beautiful virgins

whom they can fuck

to their hearts content.

Thus a young Muslim

schooled in fundamental Islam,

would be pulling the trigger

of a bomb,

with a smile

on his face.

Coz he looks forward

to a virgin

sitting on his face

the very next minute.

Declaring war

against fundamental Islam

will only encourage

more suicide bombers.

These guys are not afraid

of death!!!

Don't you get it, Mr Blair?

I reckon the best way,

is to support the growth

of moderate Islam.

Get Malaysia and Turkey,

to preach the joys

of being moderate.

Honestly, I can't think

of a Muslim

more liberal

than Saddam Hussein.

2200 hrs August 2nd 2005

I've more or less

transversed the globe.

From New York to Tokyo,

From Hong Kong to London,

From Sydney to Seoul,

From Rome to Shanghai,

From Mumbai to Manila,

From Paris to Sao Paolo,

From Frankfurt to Bangkok.

And everywhere,

I see the same blank expressions

of people in cities.

Everybody looks like scarecrows,

in suits,

or odd shaped mannequins,

in designer labels.

The same expressionless faces,

or if I'm lucky,

I get a frown

or a disparaging scowl.

Check out the faces

on our MRT,

You will see the same expressions,

in every big city

in the world.

Is urban living

making us happy?

Sure as hell

does not seem

that way.

Because the happiest smiles

I saw,

were found,

in the villages

of Cambodia,

the hill tribes

of Thailand

the rice farms

of Vietnam,

the kampungs

of Java.

Discontentment

propels city life,

Greed

feeds modern living.

Together,

they give us progress.

But have we really

progressed?

Or are we happier,

when are basic needs

were met?

2130 hrs August 2nd 2005

I see a pub load

of old men

in their 50s,

croaking old songs

and clutching

nubile young women

in their arms.

Grabbing asses

grabbing tits.

It is quite sad,

I think.

When one is in the twilight

of one's life,

and one have to buy

happiness.

Coz if you look beyond

the young nubile tits

and ass,

you'd find happiness

that was internally generated.

These girls giggle

and laugh

at the slightest thing,

rapidly in Tagalog.

Lesson here is,

happiness have to spring

from within.

If you have to rely

on someone,

or something,

to be happy,

you can't be very happy,

not for long

anyway.

1145 hrs August 2nd 2005

People change

and thats a fact.

The only Constant

in Life

is Change.

People change,

and if I may add

usually for the worse.

Within a relationship

of two people,

if they change

in opposite directions,

they'd leave each other

far behind,

if they change

in same direction,

but different speed,

the result is the same,

you're so far away

I can't see.

Thus, it infers,

people have to change

in the same direction,

and

at the same speed.

Seems like

a long long

one in a million

chance

1250 hrs August 1st 2005

I was cruising along PIE

when I heard this old song

on the stereo.

Kenny Roger's "The Gambler"

Have always hated Kenny Rogers,

but I thought this lyric

made so much sense

in Life

and relationships.

"You got to know when to hold 'em,

know when to fold 'em.

Know when to walk away,

know when to run.

You never count your money

when you're sitting' at the table

There'll be time enough for counting

when the dealing's done"

I've been a gambler

all my working life.

I know

you never walk away

from a winning streak,

but you run like hell

from a losing one.

You just have to

trust your instincts.

Hold the winners,

throw the losers.

Don't count your money

there is no time

for sentimentality.

When you count your losses

it paralyses your

next move.

When you count your gains,

you get greedy

for more.

Likewise with women

I guess.

If you keep thinking back

of the could have beens

should have beens

might have beens

would have beens,

you'd never play your card.

Only decision is

is this hand a winner?

or it it a loser.