1430 hrs March 28th 2006

Nope,

I stand by what I said

yesterday.

Thanks for the emails,

I do read them with interest,

I always like an alternative

point of view.

But

Wives who dominate husbands

do so,

because the balance of power

is slanted

in their favour.

It maybe

sexual attraction

you're probably good looking

or he is blind,

social reasons

which may include

family and children,

economic reasons

especially in Singapore

where two incomes are needed

to pay for the house

and children,

or emotional,

where he has this yearning need

to be loved

and accepted.

But women generally,

do not like

the dominant position.

They aspire

for their men,

to be in

the position

of power.

So they divorce,

and seek out

the prince

of their lives.

Well,

this prince,

usually has the power

to dominate,

and its mostly

for economic reasons.

Or he is,

a well sought after

good looking stud

making women wet their pants

just looking at them.

But the bad news is,

a man

who wields

that sort of power,

invariably

have plenty

of choices.

And they're always there

like butterflies

fluttering

over a sweet smelling flower.

These days

the butterflies

are imported

from PRC.

It is tragic,

but the truth is,

even if all else remain equal,

the level of appreciation

from these girls

are almost always

a quantum leap

higher.

What a difference

that makes

to a man.

2035 hra March 27th 2006

Why have I failed

in my numberous relationships

with women?

Its the balance of power

that I failed to

understand.

People possess power

over others,

when they either

have the resources

that others want,

or they possess the means

to have the resources

that others want.

I have never witnessed

a purely egalitarian

power sharing

type of relationship

between a man

and a woman.

It is always

a personal exploitation

of resources

and wants.

A husband who cares less

always have the power

to exploit

the wife who cares more.

A wife who have less interest

always have the power

to exploit the husband

who have more interest.

People's needs and wants

are many.

Be it social,

be it economic,

be it emotional,

be it sexual.

And in this day and age,

where alternatives

are plentiful

and divorces easy

to obtain,

there is really no difference,

between leaving the spouse

for a 3rd party,

or leaving the spouse

with the INTENTION

of finding a 3rd party,

the power of obtaining

alternatives.

Some women

like to dominate,

some get bored

dominating

and want to be

dominated.

It does not change the fact

that the balance of power,

was not addressed.

The power

to commit,

or to withhold

a commitment.

Like everything else

in this capitalist world,

its all about

the power of demand

and supply

2200hrs March 27th 2006

Today is Mum's 70th birthday.

She was so happy,

just to see me

and her grand children.

Dad would not eat,

just happy to see us eat.

That's gramps for you.

They're just know how to

give, give and give,

expecting nothing

in return.

Just happy

to see us.

Mum,

I'm your only son.

You are proud of me

no less.

Damnit Mum,

I screwed up.

You knew that

I could have done

a whole lot better,

but I didn't.

You once thought,

I'd be a politician.

I didn't.

You once thought,

I'd be a famous writer,

I didn't.

You once thought,

I'd be a great Dad,

I didn't.

I've let you down

for 42 years

and counting.

A middle aged loser,

and still wondering

why.

0155 hrs March 19th 2006

Oh, if I made add

on my favoured

warm and fuzzy relationship,

of low passion, high intimacy

and strong commitments.

Prophet Mohammad once wrote

in the Koran,

"A couple in a marriage,

is like the two main pillars

of the great temple.

They are slightly apart

but holding the great roof

of the temple

together"

That is so profoundly beautiful.

Because when two pillars

are too far apart,

the roof will collapse.

Conversely,

when two pillars

are too close together

the roof will collapse too.

Thus, I see a healthy marriage

as one where

two people actually develop

their individuality

and personalities

slightly apart

but working together

to hold the great roof

of their marriage,

but always

slightly apart.

I don't want a woman

to cling to everything

I say or do.

I like a woman

who motivates me

to be a better man

develops my mind

and my soul

without being

overbearing.

And likewise,

I'd give her all the moral support

I can give

to make her

a more complete woman,

I want to extract

the best from her,

so she live to her

maximum potential

and be complete.

0120 hrs March 19th 2006

OK ok

I've been harsh

when I wrote of Dad,

calling love

a cheap fuck.

But that does not

in anyway

disqualifies me

from speaking

of love.

Believe me,

I thought alot about

this subject matter,

probably thought

a bit too much,

probably more

than other

subject matters.

For a start,

I believe

the are 3 essential

building blocks

of this thing

we call LOVE.

I call them,

(1) Intimacy

(2) Passion

(3) Commitment

In Intimacy,

I mean this nice

and warm feeling,

of liking a person's

companionship.

Where you can speak freely,

with understanding,

communication

and support.

Passion however,

is a more intense

form of longing,

characerised by

desire and longing,

usually manifested

by physical arousal.

Commitment is a devotion

to dedicate oneself

to his or her

partner,

seeking mutual happiness.

Now that we've drawn

the building blocks

of love,

lets examine how

they inter relate.

In a normal romantic love,

passion and intimacy

usually occur together.

Thereafter, the couple

decide to commit

to a future together

and we have all the hallmarks

of romantic love.

As opposed to infatuations,

where passion is strong,

but intimacy may be absent.

Or even if intimacy is present,

commitment is clearly not.

And when a woman says

she likes you,

but do not love you,

she meant, that the intimacy

is probably there.

She likes your company,

but feels no passion

and certainly no plans

for commitment.

Passion is a dangerous thing.

For some couples,

passion lasts a few months

some a few years,

a tiny minority,

a lifetime.

For most couples,

the passion wanes

after a while.

But they still enjoy

the companionship,

chatting together,

having dinners together.

And more importantly,

still dedicated

to their commitment.

I think of this

no passion, good intimacy, strong commitment

as a healthy and mature

relationship.

In this day and age,

many couples make the mistake,

of deciding that love is dead,

where the passion is gone.

No my dear,

love is not dead,

your marriage is not sick,

it merely went into

a more stable and sustainable phase.

You may not be screwing

at the backseat

of the car,

but you enjoy dinner

with your husband

after work

nonetheless.

But if BOTH passion

and intimacy is gone,

and only commitment is left.

Where you rather die,

than to make love to him.

Where you feel like poking

his eyes out

with your chopsticks

over dinner,

but feel stuck in the marriage

because of the children

or worse, a HDB flat,

thats where I call

a loveless marriage.

And of course,

there's the stupid married

for all the wrong reasons,

that is, no intimacy,

great passion,

and commitment.

Those who marry someone

whom they have nothing in common

to talk about,

other than great sex

and deciding that their commitment

is based on that.

A very lucky few,

have high passion, intimacy

and commitments

for a lifetime.

That's what movies are made of,

its a one in a million chance

that I won't bet for myself.

The better bet,

is the mature one

of little passion, but great intimacy

and strong commitment.

People do drift apart

and that's a fact.

Human relationships

are such

in nature.

We all had primary school friends

whom we thought

we would be friends

forever.

But people drift apart,

and it does not even

take a fight

to do so.

Our grand parents

know best.

In those days,

where people marry first

and fall in love

after that.

People get match made

and find reasons

to love

after the 6th kid

was born.

Our grand parents

know all about love.

They don't marry

because they were in love.

They marry

and found love

after years

of successful marriage.

We modern western educated fuckers

got it all wrong.

And don't email me,

feeling sorry

that I never experienced love.

I feel very fortunate,

to have experienced love

on 3 separate occasions.

Love and its failings

became such a preoccupation

of numerous analysis paralysis,

I'd do it again

and again.

Its quite fun

afterall

1100 hrs March 17th 2006

So I heard

another one is getting separated.

Married but separated.

Among all the laws

this world have to offer,

married but separated

have to rank

as the stupidest

of them all.

Married but separated,

just what the hell fuck

is that?

Legally married

but no moral obligations

to each other.

Socially married

but free to fuck

every single man

in Swingabore.

So why the hell fuck

stay married for???

Do yourself a favmour

do your husband a favour

get an instant divorce.

As a man,

if I were in that stage (again)

I'd pay my way out

of a fucked up marriage.

When the decision

has been made,

just go get a divorce.

When a woman stops loving,

she is the most

unsentimental creature

on the planet.

She feels for you,

like the way

a chicken feels

for bird flu.

If during this separation,

she decides to come back.

Invariably,

its for all

the wrong reasons.

Either money,

or lack of better alternatives.

Would you settle for that?

I'd rather marry

my longkang cat

0245 hrs March 12th 2006

I saw my Dad

cry today,

when I told him,

Mum had a heart attack.

I wonder

if he loves her.

He probably doesn't.

Love is to cheap

to describe

those tears.

Love is fuck hormone

to get laid.

Love is for us

stupid people

of the Pop Rock Generation.

For Mum and Dad

they're above and beyond

love.

Its about devotion,

Its about dedication,

its about commitment

to vows made 48 years ago.

At a time when,

a man's word

is his honour,

and only with honour,

is Life worth living.

No Dad does not love Mum,

he is beyond

that cheap fuck

we call love.

When I saw my Dad cry today,

I saw the bitter tears

of defeat.

I saw a man

who with every ounce

of his human energy,

engaged a battle

against a monster

1000 times bigger than him,

and lost.

That monster

we call Life.

I recall,

as a 4 year old,

I would wait up for him,

as he comes home

on his bike,

after the midnight shift

of his SECOND job,

and he will greet me

with a 10 cent coin

that I will insert gleefully

in my piggybank.

He wore a younger man's clothes

his arms broad

with strapping muscles

as he lifts me up

with all the hopes

of a future.

But this monster called Life,

have a way

of beating up a man,

a swift uppercut

to the temples

of the head,

a brutal hook

to the jaw,

and worse,

a violent kick

up the groin.

I saw my Dad cry,

a defeated man,

whose nemesis of Life,

showed no mercy,

raining down yet

another blow,

when he is already down

his legs now

lifeless.

Another cruel punch

from this wonderful thing,

we call

the Gift

of Life.