OK ok
I've been harsh
when I wrote of Dad,
calling love
a cheap fuck.
But that does not
in anyway
disqualifies me
from speaking
of love.
Believe me,
I thought alot about
this subject matter,
probably thought
a bit too much,
probably more
than other
subject matters.
For a start,
I believe
the are 3 essential
building blocks
of this thing
we call LOVE.
I call them,
(1) Intimacy
(2) Passion
(3) Commitment
In Intimacy,
I mean this nice
and warm feeling,
of liking a person's
companionship.
Where you can speak freely,
with understanding,
communication
and support.
Passion however,
is a more intense
form of longing,
characerised by
desire and longing,
usually manifested
by physical arousal.
Commitment is a devotion
to dedicate oneself
to his or her
partner,
seeking mutual happiness.
Now that we've drawn
the building blocks
of love,
lets examine how
they inter relate.
In a normal romantic love,
passion and intimacy
usually occur together.
Thereafter, the couple
decide to commit
to a future together
and we have all the hallmarks
of romantic love.
As opposed to infatuations,
where passion is strong,
but intimacy may be absent.
Or even if intimacy is present,
commitment is clearly not.
And when a woman says
she likes you,
but do not love you,
she meant, that the intimacy
is probably there.
She likes your company,
but feels no passion
and certainly no plans
for commitment.
Passion is a dangerous thing.
For some couples,
passion lasts a few months
some a few years,
a tiny minority,
a lifetime.
For most couples,
the passion wanes
after a while.
But they still enjoy
the companionship,
chatting together,
having dinners together.
And more importantly,
still dedicated
to their commitment.
I think of this
no passion, good intimacy, strong commitment
as a healthy and mature
relationship.
In this day and age,
many couples make the mistake,
of deciding that love is dead,
where the passion is gone.
No my dear,
love is not dead,
your marriage is not sick,
it merely went into
a more stable and sustainable phase.
You may not be screwing
at the backseat
of the car,
but you enjoy dinner
with your husband
after work
nonetheless.
But if BOTH passion
and intimacy is gone,
and only commitment is left.
Where you rather die,
than to make love to him.
Where you feel like poking
his eyes out
with your chopsticks
over dinner,
but feel stuck in the marriage
because of the children
or worse, a HDB flat,
thats where I call
a loveless marriage.
And of course,
there's the stupid married
for all the wrong reasons,
that is, no intimacy,
great passion,
and commitment.
Those who marry someone
whom they have nothing in common
to talk about,
other than great sex
and deciding that their commitment
is based on that.
A very lucky few,
have high passion, intimacy
and commitments
for a lifetime.
That's what movies are made of,
its a one in a million chance
that I won't bet for myself.
The better bet,
is the mature one
of little passion, but great intimacy
and strong commitment.
People do drift apart
and that's a fact.
Human relationships
are such
in nature.
We all had primary school friends
whom we thought
we would be friends
forever.
But people drift apart,
and it does not even
take a fight
to do so.
Our grand parents
know best.
In those days,
where people marry first
and fall in love
after that.
People get match made
and find reasons
to love
after the 6th kid
was born.
Our grand parents
know all about love.
They don't marry
because they were in love.
They marry
and found love
after years
of successful marriage.
We modern western educated fuckers
got it all wrong.
And don't email me,
feeling sorry
that I never experienced love.
I feel very fortunate,
to have experienced love
on 3 separate occasions.
Love and its failings
became such a preoccupation
of numerous analysis paralysis,
I'd do it again
and again.
Its quite fun
afterall
