I'm sick tired
of writing
love and anti love shit.
Its like comparing
hot shit
and cold shit.
Let's do numbers crunching
for a change.
There are about
1 million residential units
in Singapore.
About 20% of them
are private property.
Which means about 200,000
private houses.
75% of them
are condos,
so we have
about 150,000
condos
in Singapore.
They tell me,
that condo vancancy rate
is 6.6%.
So that means
9900 condos
are vacant.
The government projected
that 450,000 new jobs
will be created
in the next 5 years.
Which makes it
90,000 new jobs
a year.
And a 50% increase
in population
by 2015,
a population of
6.5 million.
There is no way
any country's population
can increase by 50%
in 8 years
by organic growth.
It will be
foreigners
moving in,
taking up the majority
of the new jobs created.
With condo vacancy
of 9900 units,
as opposed
to 90,000 new jobs
created,
I don't care how many
jobs go to
HDB dwellers,
you will have
a housing deficit
for foreigners.
It is already happening.
Rentals
are going to
go right through
the roof.
True new supply,
will quickly come in.
Judging by the number
of en bloc sales
recently.
But the true value
will be
in suburban areas
which is currently
going for $450-$600 psf
as opposed to
$3000 psf in Marina Bay
$4000 psf in Orchard Road.
Two weeks ago,
SMRT outlined
its new MRT grid
to be ready
by 2015.
This island
will be criss crossed
with subways.
Any condo project
that is accessible
to MRT
to the town area,
will have a huge
rental demand.
All this is of course,
taking the assumption,
that we don't piss off
our neighbours so much
that they'd nuke us
before the year
is over.
20070330
20070329
1207 HRS MARCH 29TH 2007
Why do you torture me
by telling me
everything that is going on
in your life.
You acted like as though
I have no right
to live my life.
I really don't want
to know
and I really don't care
anymore.
The love I had
for you,
had been washed
from my veins
into the drain.
Leave me alone now
I do not appreciate
your show
of friendship.
We no longer share
a life together,
I don't want to know
what is going on
with yours now.
Don't you even realise
that it hurts
by letting me look in
to your life
as an outsider?
Leave me alone now
and let me disappear
from the agony
and pain
you caused me.
Let me move on now
I don't want
to be reminded
of our past.
Because each time
I think back,
your ill treatment
will land on me again
like a ton of bricks
forcing me
to quit
by telling me
everything that is going on
in your life.
You acted like as though
I have no right
to live my life.
I really don't want
to know
and I really don't care
anymore.
The love I had
for you,
had been washed
from my veins
into the drain.
Leave me alone now
I do not appreciate
your show
of friendship.
We no longer share
a life together,
I don't want to know
what is going on
with yours now.
Don't you even realise
that it hurts
by letting me look in
to your life
as an outsider?
Leave me alone now
and let me disappear
from the agony
and pain
you caused me.
Let me move on now
I don't want
to be reminded
of our past.
Because each time
I think back,
your ill treatment
will land on me again
like a ton of bricks
forcing me
to quit
20070328
1230 HRS MARCH 28TH 2007
In matters of the heart,
in the lifelong battle
to win love,
I feel like a boxer
that lasted 3 rounds
with 3 different fighters
and I lost all.
My heart is dead tired
like a boxer
lying motionless
on the canvas
bruised
bleeding
lifeless
the last punch
have taken
the last bit
of energy
out of him.
I remind myself
no one is ever alone
in times of
tribulations.
There's always someone
out there
suffering
in the same way.
They can pick themselves up
and be on their two feet
and face another fight
so can I.
Honestly, I wonder
what is the big fucking deal
being alone.
Its better to feel lonely
when alone,
than to feel lonely
in a relationship
anyway
in the lifelong battle
to win love,
I feel like a boxer
that lasted 3 rounds
with 3 different fighters
and I lost all.
My heart is dead tired
like a boxer
lying motionless
on the canvas
bruised
bleeding
lifeless
the last punch
have taken
the last bit
of energy
out of him.
I remind myself
no one is ever alone
in times of
tribulations.
There's always someone
out there
suffering
in the same way.
They can pick themselves up
and be on their two feet
and face another fight
so can I.
Honestly, I wonder
what is the big fucking deal
being alone.
Its better to feel lonely
when alone,
than to feel lonely
in a relationship
anyway
20070327
1500 HRS MARCH 27TH 2007
Its been so long
I forgot I knew this song,
I sang it to my ex-wife
back in 1989.
"I want to live,
I want to give,
I've been a miner for
a heart of gold.
Its these expressions
I never give
That keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
and I'm getting old
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
and I'm getting old"
I thought I found
my heart of gold.
Only to realise
all that glitters
may not be gold.
And all that is gold
may not glitter anyway.
I forgot I knew this song,
I sang it to my ex-wife
back in 1989.
"I want to live,
I want to give,
I've been a miner for
a heart of gold.
Its these expressions
I never give
That keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
and I'm getting old
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
and I'm getting old"
I thought I found
my heart of gold.
Only to realise
all that glitters
may not be gold.
And all that is gold
may not glitter anyway.
20070326
2240 HRS MARCH 26TH 2007
My dear friend Ms Y
is going to Europe
for summer holidays.
I've travelled around the world,
there are not many cities left
that I have not been.
It always amuses me
when people wanna
go travelling,
"to see the world"
"to experience life".
Other than different places,
life is generally the same.
If you wanna experience life,
go to Batam,
and hang out with
child beggars
and pregnant teenage
prostitutes.
When I travel,
I like to experience
a bit of local life.
I have no cares
for sightseeing.
I don't want
to go to another boring church
or castle
or ancient ruins.
If you have to visit
a tourist site,
by all means,
but do take a bit of time
to wander off
the little lanes
and explore quaint little shops.
Don't bother about another
shopping mall
with the same old
Body Shop, KFC, MacDonalds etc.
I want to experience culture
and have no interest
in seeing another church
with 200 tourists
snapping photos.
It does not interest me
to see a 1000 year
temple ruins.
Life is for the living,
not the dead.
I want to see living culture,
not a culture that died
thousands of years ago.
I like to hang out
in local places,
not discos.
But in places
where locals hang out
like bars.
Quiet places
where people are always
happy to talk
to me.
I'm always struck
by the universal problems
of the human condition.
True there will be some
experiences
that I find extraordinary
and I learn
from their extraordinary ways
of dealing with extraordinary situations.
But I learn more
in a squatter's home
in Batam,
a small concrete structure
whose floor area is about the
size of my kitchen.
In that floor area,
they eat there
they shit there
they sleep there
they fuck there.
The opulent splendour
of the Palace of Versailles
of the French Aristocracy
disgust me
more than impress me.
I prefer to talk
to locals
about economic
and political situations,
and more importantly,
how they cope.
And sample
local food
and local beers.
If you try hard enough,
people will always understand you
no matter where you go.
And please,
don't compare prices.
When you travel,
be prepared to pay.
I hate to waste time
haggling.
I have an idea
how much I want to pay
for something,
and if the price suits,
its mine.
Let them keep the rest.
I am afterall
a guest
in their country,
I should pay
for the priviledge
of being there
is going to Europe
for summer holidays.
I've travelled around the world,
there are not many cities left
that I have not been.
It always amuses me
when people wanna
go travelling,
"to see the world"
"to experience life".
Other than different places,
life is generally the same.
If you wanna experience life,
go to Batam,
and hang out with
child beggars
and pregnant teenage
prostitutes.
When I travel,
I like to experience
a bit of local life.
I have no cares
for sightseeing.
I don't want
to go to another boring church
or castle
or ancient ruins.
If you have to visit
a tourist site,
by all means,
but do take a bit of time
to wander off
the little lanes
and explore quaint little shops.
Don't bother about another
shopping mall
with the same old
Body Shop, KFC, MacDonalds etc.
I want to experience culture
and have no interest
in seeing another church
with 200 tourists
snapping photos.
It does not interest me
to see a 1000 year
temple ruins.
Life is for the living,
not the dead.
I want to see living culture,
not a culture that died
thousands of years ago.
I like to hang out
in local places,
not discos.
But in places
where locals hang out
like bars.
Quiet places
where people are always
happy to talk
to me.
I'm always struck
by the universal problems
of the human condition.
True there will be some
experiences
that I find extraordinary
and I learn
from their extraordinary ways
of dealing with extraordinary situations.
But I learn more
in a squatter's home
in Batam,
a small concrete structure
whose floor area is about the
size of my kitchen.
In that floor area,
they eat there
they shit there
they sleep there
they fuck there.
The opulent splendour
of the Palace of Versailles
of the French Aristocracy
disgust me
more than impress me.
I prefer to talk
to locals
about economic
and political situations,
and more importantly,
how they cope.
And sample
local food
and local beers.
If you try hard enough,
people will always understand you
no matter where you go.
And please,
don't compare prices.
When you travel,
be prepared to pay.
I hate to waste time
haggling.
I have an idea
how much I want to pay
for something,
and if the price suits,
its mine.
Let them keep the rest.
I am afterall
a guest
in their country,
I should pay
for the priviledge
of being there
20070325
1410 HRS MARCH 25TH 2007
I used to think
of love
as some form
of voluntary
incarceration,
a self imprisonment,
a deliberate
self enslavement.
Maybe I am wrong,
because
Freedom exists
in Love
by itself.
When you love someone
wholeheartedly
you feel the freest.
The true experience
of freedom,
is having to love
the most important person
in your life,
without feeling the need
to possess her.
We feel hurt,
when we lose
the one we love.
But that cannot
be love.
Loves does not
seek out to hurt
or harm.
Love liberates,
when you can be
at your happiest,
when you see your
loved one
at her happiest,
even in the arms
of another man.
I hope this time passes
quickly,
so I can resume my
search
for myself,
in the form
of a woman
who truly
understands
of love
as some form
of voluntary
incarceration,
a self imprisonment,
a deliberate
self enslavement.
Maybe I am wrong,
because
Freedom exists
in Love
by itself.
When you love someone
wholeheartedly
you feel the freest.
The true experience
of freedom,
is having to love
the most important person
in your life,
without feeling the need
to possess her.
We feel hurt,
when we lose
the one we love.
But that cannot
be love.
Loves does not
seek out to hurt
or harm.
Love liberates,
when you can be
at your happiest,
when you see your
loved one
at her happiest,
even in the arms
of another man.
I hope this time passes
quickly,
so I can resume my
search
for myself,
in the form
of a woman
who truly
understands
20070324
2125 hrs March 24th 2007
I woke up this morning
determined to stop
missing you.
Did the things,
I usually do
when I'm alone
and single
on weekends.
Brought the boat out
to the open sea,
and a Dalai Lama book
in hand.
I was so bitter
and angry.
In all my past failed relationships
I always felt,
I could have done better.
With you,
I tried,
I really tried
to make you happy.
I wonder
if you knew
how hard I tried.
I wonder
if you knew
how much this relationship
have cost me.
You saw
how fast I aged
in the last 2-3 years
right before your eyes.
The constant pressure
and stress
resulting from
the persistant uncertainty.
I felt I had so much
love to give,
but you refused my love.
Well, you're not
the first woman
to walk out
of my life,
and at the rate I'm going,
you're probably not
the last either.
I'd just take it
that you're just another somebody
that I used to love.
No I don't really
want to be friends either,
I have enough friends.
What I want now,
is to achieve
a zen like
calm and peaceful state
of mind.
I want to develop
a caring and giving
compassion
in me.
For now,
any contact with you
will distrupt
the state of mind
I am hoping
to achieve.
Please go,
I wish you happiness
and thank you
for being another person
who was once
in my life
determined to stop
missing you.
Did the things,
I usually do
when I'm alone
and single
on weekends.
Brought the boat out
to the open sea,
and a Dalai Lama book
in hand.
I was so bitter
and angry.
In all my past failed relationships
I always felt,
I could have done better.
With you,
I tried,
I really tried
to make you happy.
I wonder
if you knew
how hard I tried.
I wonder
if you knew
how much this relationship
have cost me.
You saw
how fast I aged
in the last 2-3 years
right before your eyes.
The constant pressure
and stress
resulting from
the persistant uncertainty.
I felt I had so much
love to give,
but you refused my love.
Well, you're not
the first woman
to walk out
of my life,
and at the rate I'm going,
you're probably not
the last either.
I'd just take it
that you're just another somebody
that I used to love.
No I don't really
want to be friends either,
I have enough friends.
What I want now,
is to achieve
a zen like
calm and peaceful state
of mind.
I want to develop
a caring and giving
compassion
in me.
For now,
any contact with you
will distrupt
the state of mind
I am hoping
to achieve.
Please go,
I wish you happiness
and thank you
for being another person
who was once
in my life
20070323
1110 hrs March 23rd 2007
God,
I'm worse
than a fucking woman.
I probably grew
a pair of ovaries
in the last few days.
Just who the hell fuck
was I trying to bullshit?
It hurts like hell
every now and then.
Love can either bring you
to heaven
or hell
or both.
But at least
you go somewhere.
I needed you
so badly
in my life.
My heart yearns
to go to bed
with you
each night.
So comfortable
snuggling up
to sleep
and hear
your soft gentle
breath
as you tenderly
waft into
unconsciousness.
I still feel
your heartbeat
as I held you
in my arms
and feel
the divine softness
of your breast
in my hand.
When the day breaks,
it comforts my soul
when the first thing I see
is you by my side.
As I gentle plant
a kiss
on your lips,
unfailingly
you will wake up
with a bright smile
as I say goodbye
and go to work.
I miss
rushing home
after work
so I can have dinner
with you,
open a bottle of wine
and chat into
the wee hours
of the morning.
You're a quiet girl,
but somehow
you tell me
every little thing
every little event
of your day.
I enjoyed
engaging your mind
in conversation,
connecting your soul.
Sometimes I wonder
if God actually cares
about Love.
Christians tell me
God loves the world.
I have all the reasons
to believe,
He fucking hates us
to death.
Love is a flip
of the coin.
Its such a gamble.
Heads you win,
Tails I lose.
If God is Love,
He would have cared
about the way I feel.
Clearly
He doesn't
give a shit
I'm worse
than a fucking woman.
I probably grew
a pair of ovaries
in the last few days.
Just who the hell fuck
was I trying to bullshit?
It hurts like hell
every now and then.
Love can either bring you
to heaven
or hell
or both.
But at least
you go somewhere.
I needed you
so badly
in my life.
My heart yearns
to go to bed
with you
each night.
So comfortable
snuggling up
to sleep
and hear
your soft gentle
breath
as you tenderly
waft into
unconsciousness.
I still feel
your heartbeat
as I held you
in my arms
and feel
the divine softness
of your breast
in my hand.
When the day breaks,
it comforts my soul
when the first thing I see
is you by my side.
As I gentle plant
a kiss
on your lips,
unfailingly
you will wake up
with a bright smile
as I say goodbye
and go to work.
I miss
rushing home
after work
so I can have dinner
with you,
open a bottle of wine
and chat into
the wee hours
of the morning.
You're a quiet girl,
but somehow
you tell me
every little thing
every little event
of your day.
I enjoyed
engaging your mind
in conversation,
connecting your soul.
Sometimes I wonder
if God actually cares
about Love.
Christians tell me
God loves the world.
I have all the reasons
to believe,
He fucking hates us
to death.
Love is a flip
of the coin.
Its such a gamble.
Heads you win,
Tails I lose.
If God is Love,
He would have cared
about the way I feel.
Clearly
He doesn't
give a shit
20070322
0910 hrs March 22nd 2007
When love breaks down,
we lament
at the loss of love
and think of love
as transcient and fleeting
saying love is worthless
and a waste of time.
But when we decided
to stop feeling sorry
for ourselves,
with a calm
and peaceful state of mind,
we can transform
all those anger
and bitterness
into an even
higher form
of love.
Where we can love
our ex,
without feeling the need
to possess her.
Where we can love
our ex,
without needing or even wanting
reciprocity
or anything in return.
Where we can reach a stage
and say,
Darling,
I will always love you
and you will forever
occupy a space
in my heart
because
you were once mine
we lament
at the loss of love
and think of love
as transcient and fleeting
saying love is worthless
and a waste of time.
But when we decided
to stop feeling sorry
for ourselves,
with a calm
and peaceful state of mind,
we can transform
all those anger
and bitterness
into an even
higher form
of love.
Where we can love
our ex,
without feeling the need
to possess her.
Where we can love
our ex,
without needing or even wanting
reciprocity
or anything in return.
Where we can reach a stage
and say,
Darling,
I will always love you
and you will forever
occupy a space
in my heart
because
you were once mine
20070321
1625 hrs March 21st 2007
I'm a sailor.
I know
my boat is safest
when it is nicely docked
away in the marina.
But that is not
the purpose
of a boat.
A boat should be used
to travel the seas.
Through stormy weather
through choppy waves
past treacherous rocks
to visit the islands
to have the sun
in your face
salty sea breeze
in your hair.
Likewise in life,
we have to step out
of our comfort zone.
It takes risks,
possible disappointments
and failures.
But no one
can take a new life path
without abandoning the old one.
I know singlehood
very well.
I know my way around
and I know my way out too
I know
my boat is safest
when it is nicely docked
away in the marina.
But that is not
the purpose
of a boat.
A boat should be used
to travel the seas.
Through stormy weather
through choppy waves
past treacherous rocks
to visit the islands
to have the sun
in your face
salty sea breeze
in your hair.
Likewise in life,
we have to step out
of our comfort zone.
It takes risks,
possible disappointments
and failures.
But no one
can take a new life path
without abandoning the old one.
I know singlehood
very well.
I know my way around
and I know my way out too
1220 hrs March 21st 2007
I think true love
is an act
of total abandoment
of one's self
like a complete surrender
to the other
where there is
no more fear
of loss
because you have
everything
love is
everything.
People tell me
love is about
give and take.
I reject that.
Giving and taking
is no more
than a commercial transaction
for mutual exploitation.
Some people
take and give,
ie take first
and then give.
Some bastards and bitches
take and take.
I think of love
as
GIVE and GIVE.
There are people
in this world
that find joy
in giving
than taking.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama,
said in his book
"The Art of Happiness"
that when you reach out
to another person
with compassion
and loving kindness
you connect to him or her
with a spirit of friendship,
happiness is
internally generated
within.
And if I may add
to His Holiness
profound insights,
true it is a blessing
that someone
or even somethings
can give us happiness.
But it is a personal conquest
if we can find happiness
from within.
Because if you're gonna need
somebody or something
to make you happy,
you're not gonna be
very happy
anyway.
is an act
of total abandoment
of one's self
like a complete surrender
to the other
where there is
no more fear
of loss
because you have
everything
love is
everything.
People tell me
love is about
give and take.
I reject that.
Giving and taking
is no more
than a commercial transaction
for mutual exploitation.
Some people
take and give,
ie take first
and then give.
Some bastards and bitches
take and take.
I think of love
as
GIVE and GIVE.
There are people
in this world
that find joy
in giving
than taking.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama,
said in his book
"The Art of Happiness"
that when you reach out
to another person
with compassion
and loving kindness
you connect to him or her
with a spirit of friendship,
happiness is
internally generated
within.
And if I may add
to His Holiness
profound insights,
true it is a blessing
that someone
or even somethings
can give us happiness.
But it is a personal conquest
if we can find happiness
from within.
Because if you're gonna need
somebody or something
to make you happy,
you're not gonna be
very happy
anyway.
20070320
1630 hrs March 20th 2007
I have empirical
and statistical evidence,
that women basically
love bastards.
They only say,
they want a nice
and caring man.
But the only thing
tht will make
a woman's heart thump
is a bastard
that is self serving
egoistical
braggy
arrogant
cheating
sometimes even violent.
I don't know many languages,
but in English,
they say
Nice Guys Finish Last.
They even have songs
about bad boys.
In Mandarin,
Nan Ren Bu Huai,
Nu Ren Bu Ai.
Bastards put themselves first
before anything.
They don't let women walk
all over them.
They themselves
are above all priorities.
Nice guys set themselves out
to please their women.
As a result,
they become a doormat
and women trample
all over them.
They put their women
on a pedestal
and revolve their lives
around their women.
You see,
nice guys become
predictable and boring.
To women,
bastards
are a challenge.
We may have evolved,
as human beings
but our wild nature
remains.
Women are attracted
to the strong dominant male
who doesn't care
about the creatures around him,
he devours them
if he has to
in order to survive.
Women think these types
will survive in the world
of business
and corporate culture.
But yet when bastards
dump their women
after getting bored,
women will cry their eyes out
whilst their best friends,
the nice guys
will be the ones
standing by them
but never ever getting
the hope ever
of getting laid.
If a woman ever
thinks of a man
as "a friend"
there goes your chances
of ever
jumping into her pants.
Notice how bastards
are always always
braggards?
I always believe
all that show
of confidence
is actually to hide
an inferiority complex
and low self-esteem.
If you constantly need
to prove yourself,
to run others down,
to take advantage,
clearly you cannot
be so confident
of yourself
anyway.
In this life,
I aspire
to be respected
as a man
with a conscience
and believes
in doing the right thing
constantly
and strictly adheres to
his set of principles
of causing nobody
harm or hurt,
least of all,
his woman.
I want to be matured, mellow,
quietly self assured
and taciturnly confident.
Let quality demonstrate itself
without having to say
too much.
If all that
is not good enough
for my woman,
I rather be single for life,
or turn gay
and statistical evidence,
that women basically
love bastards.
They only say,
they want a nice
and caring man.
But the only thing
tht will make
a woman's heart thump
is a bastard
that is self serving
egoistical
braggy
arrogant
cheating
sometimes even violent.
I don't know many languages,
but in English,
they say
Nice Guys Finish Last.
They even have songs
about bad boys.
In Mandarin,
Nan Ren Bu Huai,
Nu Ren Bu Ai.
Bastards put themselves first
before anything.
They don't let women walk
all over them.
They themselves
are above all priorities.
Nice guys set themselves out
to please their women.
As a result,
they become a doormat
and women trample
all over them.
They put their women
on a pedestal
and revolve their lives
around their women.
You see,
nice guys become
predictable and boring.
To women,
bastards
are a challenge.
We may have evolved,
as human beings
but our wild nature
remains.
Women are attracted
to the strong dominant male
who doesn't care
about the creatures around him,
he devours them
if he has to
in order to survive.
Women think these types
will survive in the world
of business
and corporate culture.
But yet when bastards
dump their women
after getting bored,
women will cry their eyes out
whilst their best friends,
the nice guys
will be the ones
standing by them
but never ever getting
the hope ever
of getting laid.
If a woman ever
thinks of a man
as "a friend"
there goes your chances
of ever
jumping into her pants.
Notice how bastards
are always always
braggards?
I always believe
all that show
of confidence
is actually to hide
an inferiority complex
and low self-esteem.
If you constantly need
to prove yourself,
to run others down,
to take advantage,
clearly you cannot
be so confident
of yourself
anyway.
In this life,
I aspire
to be respected
as a man
with a conscience
and believes
in doing the right thing
constantly
and strictly adheres to
his set of principles
of causing nobody
harm or hurt,
least of all,
his woman.
I want to be matured, mellow,
quietly self assured
and taciturnly confident.
Let quality demonstrate itself
without having to say
too much.
If all that
is not good enough
for my woman,
I rather be single for life,
or turn gay
20070319
1950 hrs March 19th 2007
I think when women cry
they don't cry for others
they cry for themselves.
Why spent the last 2 days crying
over this little break up?
When in our 4 years together,
you spent the first year
looking at other alternatives,
spent the second year
making me feel not good enough
spent the last 2 years
trying to move out.
Well, you finally got what you wanted,
and the last remnants
of our life together
were shipped out
over the weekend.
Why the sadness
why the tears?
Shouldn't you be celebrating?
Like our last night together,
I insisted we pop
the Dom Perignon?
I was saving that bottle
for our wedding actually.
It was I,
who spent the better part
of the last 4 years,
doing everything I humanly can
to win your heart.
Women came and went
out of my life,
I have always felt
I could have done better.
With you,
I honestly don't know
what else could I have done
to save this relationship.
I really don't.
I tried so hard,
God knows how hard
to win you over
and make you wholly mine.
Maybe I could have tried harder,
maybe I should not even have tried.
It was a battle
I simply could not win.
I felt like a Nissan March,
trying to race a Porsche.
Going into this relationship,
felt like I went into a gun fight,
armed with a water pistol.
The level of appreciation
is simply non-existent.
As I am made to feel inferior
in your family's social standing,
And made to feel like
a lower form of life
in my physical stature.
I honestly
cannot take it
anymore,
but admit defeat.
I did all I could,
but lost,
because I simply
wasn't good enough.
And defeat I accept
like a man.
Love is supposed
to feel good
and wonderful.
I've felt like a dying patient
in ICU.
they don't cry for others
they cry for themselves.
Why spent the last 2 days crying
over this little break up?
When in our 4 years together,
you spent the first year
looking at other alternatives,
spent the second year
making me feel not good enough
spent the last 2 years
trying to move out.
Well, you finally got what you wanted,
and the last remnants
of our life together
were shipped out
over the weekend.
Why the sadness
why the tears?
Shouldn't you be celebrating?
Like our last night together,
I insisted we pop
the Dom Perignon?
I was saving that bottle
for our wedding actually.
It was I,
who spent the better part
of the last 4 years,
doing everything I humanly can
to win your heart.
Women came and went
out of my life,
I have always felt
I could have done better.
With you,
I honestly don't know
what else could I have done
to save this relationship.
I really don't.
I tried so hard,
God knows how hard
to win you over
and make you wholly mine.
Maybe I could have tried harder,
maybe I should not even have tried.
It was a battle
I simply could not win.
I felt like a Nissan March,
trying to race a Porsche.
Going into this relationship,
felt like I went into a gun fight,
armed with a water pistol.
The level of appreciation
is simply non-existent.
As I am made to feel inferior
in your family's social standing,
And made to feel like
a lower form of life
in my physical stature.
I honestly
cannot take it
anymore,
but admit defeat.
I did all I could,
but lost,
because I simply
wasn't good enough.
And defeat I accept
like a man.
Love is supposed
to feel good
and wonderful.
I've felt like a dying patient
in ICU.
1410 hrs March 19th 2007
I wrote this 5 years ago
Different time
different woman
same poem,
this is just beautiful.
Different time
different woman
same poem,
this is just beautiful.
The Last tear drops
The last tear drops
Sliding down my cheek
They're hidden from you
Or you'd think I'm weak
You thought you seen love
Out of your selfish eyes
But my visions are clearing
On to clearer skies
Darling I know it upsets you
That I've stopped waiting around
But honey listen silently
And you'd hear the sound
The sound of my footsteps walking
As I walk out the door
Its for the wrong reasons you return
Coz you just don't love me anymore
This time I'm really moving on
The next time you turn,
You'd realise......I'm gone
20070318
1225 hrs March 18th 2007
I woke up this morning,
not knowing why.
Wishing I never had to
wake up ever again.
I sat alone
in my living room,
and imagined you
lying on the couch
as you told me
our story is finally over.
I thought I saw sorrow
in your eyes.
I struggled to speak
but can only cry.
I am alone again,
fighting to fill
the desolation
that was once
our life together.
I guess I am past
anger and bitterness.
All that is left
is just emptiness.
Abandonment
follows me
like a dark shadow.
Depleted
I stare
at the hollowness
of my existence.
I kicked the empty
beer can at my feet.
That was how
you left me.
Like an empty beer can
noisily rolling across
its hollowness.
Baby, if only
you could hold me
one last time
and feel a little bit
of my hurt
not knowing why.
Wishing I never had to
wake up ever again.
I sat alone
in my living room,
and imagined you
lying on the couch
as you told me
our story is finally over.
I thought I saw sorrow
in your eyes.
I struggled to speak
but can only cry.
I am alone again,
fighting to fill
the desolation
that was once
our life together.
I guess I am past
anger and bitterness.
All that is left
is just emptiness.
Abandonment
follows me
like a dark shadow.
Depleted
I stare
at the hollowness
of my existence.
I kicked the empty
beer can at my feet.
That was how
you left me.
Like an empty beer can
noisily rolling across
its hollowness.
Baby, if only
you could hold me
one last time
and feel a little bit
of my hurt
20070316
1045 hrs March 16th 2007
In the darkness of the soul,
its always 3am.
But the darkest time of the night
is just before
the night breaks into day.
Bring on the morning sun,
I want to step out
of this river of tears.
Bring on the morning sun,
I want to cast out
all these fears.
Too many angels
have seen me cry.
Too many angels
have caught me
as I fell.
Too many angels
helped me
as I picked up
pieces of a broken life.
I want this darkness
dispelled from my life.
I want those voices
to shut up.
I want those apparitions
to disappear.
Forever.
its always 3am.
But the darkest time of the night
is just before
the night breaks into day.
Bring on the morning sun,
I want to step out
of this river of tears.
Bring on the morning sun,
I want to cast out
all these fears.
Too many angels
have seen me cry.
Too many angels
have caught me
as I fell.
Too many angels
helped me
as I picked up
pieces of a broken life.
I want this darkness
dispelled from my life.
I want those voices
to shut up.
I want those apparitions
to disappear.
Forever.
20070315
1530 hrs March 15th 2007
Just when I thought
I'd get over you,
Just when I thought
I can make it through
the night
without getting drunk
and missing you.
You walk right back
through my door
like you never left
at all.
Like as though
nothing ever happened
at all.
Just what does it take
to make you wholly mine?
I'd get over you,
Just when I thought
I can make it through
the night
without getting drunk
and missing you.
You walk right back
through my door
like you never left
at all.
Like as though
nothing ever happened
at all.
Just what does it take
to make you wholly mine?
20070314
1100 hrs March 14th 2007
OK
Fuck you all,
I'm in charge now.
I may not control
the actions
of others around me,
particularly the women
in my life.
But I sure as hell
can control
my reaction.
It has to be the ultimate freedom,
to be unaffected by anything
or anyone around you,
not even someone
you truly love.
Fuck you all,
I'm in control now.
From today,
I redefine my priorities.
Number One,
I'm all about money.
Money, money, money.
It is the only language
I will speak
and the only language
I will understand.
Number Two,
its about time
to take care of spirituality.
Have I talked to God lately?
Am I a blessing to others around me?
Fuck no,
I depress others
with my perpeptual cynicism.
Number Three,
Intellectual.
There are hundreds of great books I bought
in my study,
waiting to be read.
Number Four,
Physical.
Damn, my lungs are like an ashtray
and my liver a beer brewery.
About time to fix all that.
Number Five,
Love.
Family love (greek word Storge)
I've been a good son I suspect.
Platonic Love (greek word Philia)
Fair enough, but I do have enough friends.
Romantic Love (greek word Eros).
Forget it!!!
I'm bad news to any good women!!!
Fuck you all,
I'm in charge now.
I may not control
the actions
of others around me,
particularly the women
in my life.
But I sure as hell
can control
my reaction.
It has to be the ultimate freedom,
to be unaffected by anything
or anyone around you,
not even someone
you truly love.
Fuck you all,
I'm in control now.
From today,
I redefine my priorities.
Number One,
I'm all about money.
Money, money, money.
It is the only language
I will speak
and the only language
I will understand.
Number Two,
its about time
to take care of spirituality.
Have I talked to God lately?
Am I a blessing to others around me?
Fuck no,
I depress others
with my perpeptual cynicism.
Number Three,
Intellectual.
There are hundreds of great books I bought
in my study,
waiting to be read.
Number Four,
Physical.
Damn, my lungs are like an ashtray
and my liver a beer brewery.
About time to fix all that.
Number Five,
Love.
Family love (greek word Storge)
I've been a good son I suspect.
Platonic Love (greek word Philia)
Fair enough, but I do have enough friends.
Romantic Love (greek word Eros).
Forget it!!!
I'm bad news to any good women!!!
20070313
1650 hrs March 13th 2007
Its closing time
our music is fading out
I think I'll have another drink
maybe this time a stout.
It may have been 4 years
but its like day one,
you were lonesome just like me
and just wanted some company.
But its closing time
and our music is fading out.
You lighted another cigarette
the fire cast an orange glow
on that pretty face.
I should not have fallen
in love with you girl,
we were just
not meant to be.
We never had a life together
I don't even know why we tried.
So its closing time baby
and we've danced
our last dance.
I hope you enjoyed yourself
and find your way home safely,
I think I'll sit here a while more
and have another stout.
our music is fading out
I think I'll have another drink
maybe this time a stout.
It may have been 4 years
but its like day one,
you were lonesome just like me
and just wanted some company.
But its closing time
and our music is fading out.
You lighted another cigarette
the fire cast an orange glow
on that pretty face.
I should not have fallen
in love with you girl,
we were just
not meant to be.
We never had a life together
I don't even know why we tried.
So its closing time baby
and we've danced
our last dance.
I hope you enjoyed yourself
and find your way home safely,
I think I'll sit here a while more
and have another stout.
20070312
1210 hrs March 12th 2007
Oh Venus
Goddess of Love.
You exist
but in my mind
and my soul.
A figment
of the imagination,
a vision
of the heart's desires.
A fantasy
recreated,
An imagery
conjured.
If I were to say
I truly loved you
and want you
to be mine,
what's is it to you?
The empty silence
of the walls in our bedroom
cry out
its wailing despair
in another night
of solitude.
All evidences have shown
I am still alone,
You've crept away
from my life
without saying
goodbye.
And we still choose
not to talk
about it.
Choosing to let us
die a slow and prolonged
death.
Once
I saw love
in your smile,
Now
I see mockery.
As you laugh
at my valiant attempts
to attain
the unattainable.
I'm fighting things
I cannot see,
maybe its my destiny
I am changing.
When I think back
of that night,
when you planted
your first kiss,
so gentle
so adoring.
I knew all along
it was never meant to be
it was too good
to be true.
So again,
I'm fighting things
I cannot see,
maybe its my destiny
I am changing.
Goddess of Love.
You exist
but in my mind
and my soul.
A figment
of the imagination,
a vision
of the heart's desires.
A fantasy
recreated,
An imagery
conjured.
If I were to say
I truly loved you
and want you
to be mine,
what's is it to you?
The empty silence
of the walls in our bedroom
cry out
its wailing despair
in another night
of solitude.
All evidences have shown
I am still alone,
You've crept away
from my life
without saying
goodbye.
And we still choose
not to talk
about it.
Choosing to let us
die a slow and prolonged
death.
Once
I saw love
in your smile,
Now
I see mockery.
As you laugh
at my valiant attempts
to attain
the unattainable.
I'm fighting things
I cannot see,
maybe its my destiny
I am changing.
When I think back
of that night,
when you planted
your first kiss,
so gentle
so adoring.
I knew all along
it was never meant to be
it was too good
to be true.
So again,
I'm fighting things
I cannot see,
maybe its my destiny
I am changing.
1040 hrs March 12th 2007
Some interesting trivial.
A human female
produces about 360 eggs
in her entire life time.
A human male
produces about 100 million sperm cells
in a single day.
No wonder they said
Men from Mars, Women from Venus.
We both fucking aliens from
different fucking planets!!!
The way our anatomy
were constructed,
suggests that men
are biologically hardwired
to have sexual urges
with as many females
limited only by the supply
the world can provide.
Being with a single female partner
is simply unnatural.
Her ovulation cycles
simply cannot cope
with that of a man's!!!
A human male's daily sperm production
simply does not match
a human female's ovulation cycles,
let alone pregnancy gestation.
Thus in biological terms,
I conclude that men
are made to be
polygamous.
The reverse
is contrasting
and yet true
for women.
Human females
who produce such a limited number
of eggs in her lifetime,
will want to be very selective
with who she chooses
to fertilise her eggs.
You can see that clearly,
as a woman matures,
she becomes alot more
selective and guarded
with her choice
of partners.
But having said that,
the biological instinct,
is still to find
the best possible partner.
Which suggests,
that the search does not end,
after she found one partner.
Since her eggs are limited,
she will find herself biologically
moved to pursue
the next better choice
that comes along.
So I conclude,
neither men nor women
are biologically hardwired
to be polygamous.
But we live in a social world,
and our social evolution dictates
that monogamy is imperative,
mostly for providing
the conducive family unit,
for raising offspring
in this modern world.
But that does not change the fact,
that our anatomy
is designed for natural polygamy.
Society blocks
that natural course of events.
Just like a dam
blocks the natural course
of a river flow.
So a marriage
blocks the natural course
of our polygamous instincts.
In order to block the natural course
of a river,
the dam have to be strong.
Conversely,
in order to block the natural course
of our polygamous instincts,
the marriage/relationship
have to be strong.
Remind me please,
to stop gathering silly information,
and extrapolating useless logic.
I should just
hangout at Geylang
more often
A human female
produces about 360 eggs
in her entire life time.
A human male
produces about 100 million sperm cells
in a single day.
No wonder they said
Men from Mars, Women from Venus.
We both fucking aliens from
different fucking planets!!!
The way our anatomy
were constructed,
suggests that men
are biologically hardwired
to have sexual urges
with as many females
limited only by the supply
the world can provide.
Being with a single female partner
is simply unnatural.
Her ovulation cycles
simply cannot cope
with that of a man's!!!
A human male's daily sperm production
simply does not match
a human female's ovulation cycles,
let alone pregnancy gestation.
Thus in biological terms,
I conclude that men
are made to be
polygamous.
The reverse
is contrasting
and yet true
for women.
Human females
who produce such a limited number
of eggs in her lifetime,
will want to be very selective
with who she chooses
to fertilise her eggs.
You can see that clearly,
as a woman matures,
she becomes alot more
selective and guarded
with her choice
of partners.
But having said that,
the biological instinct,
is still to find
the best possible partner.
Which suggests,
that the search does not end,
after she found one partner.
Since her eggs are limited,
she will find herself biologically
moved to pursue
the next better choice
that comes along.
So I conclude,
neither men nor women
are biologically hardwired
to be polygamous.
But we live in a social world,
and our social evolution dictates
that monogamy is imperative,
mostly for providing
the conducive family unit,
for raising offspring
in this modern world.
But that does not change the fact,
that our anatomy
is designed for natural polygamy.
Society blocks
that natural course of events.
Just like a dam
blocks the natural course
of a river flow.
So a marriage
blocks the natural course
of our polygamous instincts.
In order to block the natural course
of a river,
the dam have to be strong.
Conversely,
in order to block the natural course
of our polygamous instincts,
the marriage/relationship
have to be strong.
Remind me please,
to stop gathering silly information,
and extrapolating useless logic.
I should just
hangout at Geylang
more often
20070311
1825 hrs March 11th 2007
I think prostitutes
are the most honest
women in the world.
You lay your money
and play your part.
A prostitute gives no illusions
nor declaration of love.
A prostitute gives you sex
for money
A ktv girl gives you intimacy
for money
A social escort gives you companionship
for money
A mistress gives you desirability
until the bigger better deal
comes along.
A wife gives you love
until the bigger better deal
comes along.
Cut the politically correct bullshit,
Cut the romantic until death do us part bullshit.
This is the reality.
In the time of the Neanderthals,
cavewomen chose their mates
on the basis of their strength
thus meat hunting ability
we call it the 5Cs these days.
On a particularly tragic day,
the neanderthal goes hunting
and got into a horrific accident
and can no longer hunt
to provide meat
for his family.
Is Mrs Cavewoman gonna hang around
for much longer?
I used to think of men
who frequent prostitutes, ktv girls, social escorts
as losers.
I used to think
I'm above all that.
I used to think
with some wit
with some charm
with some intelligence
with some money
I can get the woman I want
without going to Geylang.
Now I'm not so sure anymore.
Maybe I've been wrong
all this while.
are the most honest
women in the world.
You lay your money
and play your part.
A prostitute gives no illusions
nor declaration of love.
A prostitute gives you sex
for money
A ktv girl gives you intimacy
for money
A social escort gives you companionship
for money
A mistress gives you desirability
until the bigger better deal
comes along.
A wife gives you love
until the bigger better deal
comes along.
Cut the politically correct bullshit,
Cut the romantic until death do us part bullshit.
This is the reality.
In the time of the Neanderthals,
cavewomen chose their mates
on the basis of their strength
thus meat hunting ability
we call it the 5Cs these days.
On a particularly tragic day,
the neanderthal goes hunting
and got into a horrific accident
and can no longer hunt
to provide meat
for his family.
Is Mrs Cavewoman gonna hang around
for much longer?
I used to think of men
who frequent prostitutes, ktv girls, social escorts
as losers.
I used to think
I'm above all that.
I used to think
with some wit
with some charm
with some intelligence
with some money
I can get the woman I want
without going to Geylang.
Now I'm not so sure anymore.
Maybe I've been wrong
all this while.
1200 hrs March 11th 2007
Oh,
So you made an error in judgement
big fucking deal.
Learn from mistakes
and move on.
No point being so sentimental
about someone
who ain't sentimental
about you.
Totally counter productive.
Just take this episode,
as just another chapter
in your life.
For fucks sake,
don't make it seem
like its your whole fucking book
So you made an error in judgement
big fucking deal.
Learn from mistakes
and move on.
No point being so sentimental
about someone
who ain't sentimental
about you.
Totally counter productive.
Just take this episode,
as just another chapter
in your life.
For fucks sake,
don't make it seem
like its your whole fucking book
20070308
0935 hrs March 8th 2007
This is not Mack original
but I love it anyway.
Good Judgement comes from Experience
Experience comes from Bad Judgement.
Well,
Once bitten Twice Shy.
And if I may add,
Twice Bitten Never Try.
Thrice Bitten Go and Die.
Its one thing
to learn lessons from experience.
Anybody with a half decent IQ
learns from experience.
Even my cat
learns from experience.
But its another thing,
to apply lessons learnt.
Some of us,
may have learnt all the lessons
but never given a chance
to apply what we learnt.
but I love it anyway.
Good Judgement comes from Experience
Experience comes from Bad Judgement.
Well,
Once bitten Twice Shy.
And if I may add,
Twice Bitten Never Try.
Thrice Bitten Go and Die.
Its one thing
to learn lessons from experience.
Anybody with a half decent IQ
learns from experience.
Even my cat
learns from experience.
But its another thing,
to apply lessons learnt.
Some of us,
may have learnt all the lessons
but never given a chance
to apply what we learnt.
20070305
1425 hrs March 5th 2007
You know,
its really rare
that I quote
from the Bible.
But St Paul taught
the Galatians,
"What you reap, you will sow".
Think of it this way,
if you plant bean sprouts
in your garden,
do you expect
to grow durians?
No fucking chance
Einstein.
So when you cheated
your boyfriend,
abandoned him,
left him crying
in your infidelity
and desertion,
what the hell fuck
made you think
you found true love
and unforsaken dedication
in your lover,
your partner in crime?
It always come back
in a far more destructive
and hurtful way.
Now your lover have dumped you?
I hate to say this dear,
but you deserved every fucking minute
of pain and agony.
And now you think,
your boyfriend is the most wonderful
person on earth?
Just what the hell fuck,
were you thinking of before?
For God's sake,
don't even think,
of going back to your boyfriend.
Trust me, I've been down that road before.
He will find out, one day.
Not if,
but only when.
So,
for the sake of everybody,
forget it and move on.
Coz if you go back
to your boyfriend,
your conscience
will haunt you forever,
(on the weak assumption, you have conscience),
that you betrayed him
and relinquished him
for your lover
and went back to him
only because
you've been fully used
abused,
misused,
by your lover.
Like a sanitary pad,
used and throw away.
Remember,
when you grow beansprouts,
don't expect durians
its really rare
that I quote
from the Bible.
But St Paul taught
the Galatians,
"What you reap, you will sow".
Think of it this way,
if you plant bean sprouts
in your garden,
do you expect
to grow durians?
No fucking chance
Einstein.
So when you cheated
your boyfriend,
abandoned him,
left him crying
in your infidelity
and desertion,
what the hell fuck
made you think
you found true love
and unforsaken dedication
in your lover,
your partner in crime?
It always come back
in a far more destructive
and hurtful way.
Now your lover have dumped you?
I hate to say this dear,
but you deserved every fucking minute
of pain and agony.
And now you think,
your boyfriend is the most wonderful
person on earth?
Just what the hell fuck,
were you thinking of before?
For God's sake,
don't even think,
of going back to your boyfriend.
Trust me, I've been down that road before.
He will find out, one day.
Not if,
but only when.
So,
for the sake of everybody,
forget it and move on.
Coz if you go back
to your boyfriend,
your conscience
will haunt you forever,
(on the weak assumption, you have conscience),
that you betrayed him
and relinquished him
for your lover
and went back to him
only because
you've been fully used
abused,
misused,
by your lover.
Like a sanitary pad,
used and throw away.
Remember,
when you grow beansprouts,
don't expect durians
1335 hrs March 5th 2007
No,
I won't.
I will never ever ever
go to bed,
with another man's wife
nor even girlfriend.
Not even
if I fucking hate him
with all my life,
or even if she
is everything I hoped for
in a woman.
Because if I do that,
I will never ever
be able to look at myself
in the mirror
and think of myself
as the man
I want to be.
And when I wake up
to see her,
lying next to me,
I can't help
but think of her
as cheap
and dirty,
with the moral standards
of a street dog.
And I've just degraded myself
to that of her street dog morals.
I do not want,
to be the one,
to snatch
another man's woman,
nor do I want,
to associate with
a woman,
who allows herself
to be snatched.
I won't.
I will never ever ever
go to bed,
with another man's wife
nor even girlfriend.
Not even
if I fucking hate him
with all my life,
or even if she
is everything I hoped for
in a woman.
Because if I do that,
I will never ever
be able to look at myself
in the mirror
and think of myself
as the man
I want to be.
And when I wake up
to see her,
lying next to me,
I can't help
but think of her
as cheap
and dirty,
with the moral standards
of a street dog.
And I've just degraded myself
to that of her street dog morals.
I do not want,
to be the one,
to snatch
another man's woman,
nor do I want,
to associate with
a woman,
who allows herself
to be snatched.
20070302
1715 hrs March 2nd 2007
I forgot to mention
the other day
February 28th 2007
all hell broke loose
on the SGX
Singapore Stock Exchange.
All time high record trading volumes
caused the electronic trading platform
to jam
and became a comedy
of errors and misquoted prices.
Wrong information
was disseminated
and SGX's website
froze,
not providing usual prices
and volumes.
SGX's official statement
the next day in the papers, said
"The high volumes caused
congestion which led
to prices updated slowly
and at different times
led to anomalies"
Yeah, right.
First World infrastructure my ass.
the other day
February 28th 2007
all hell broke loose
on the SGX
Singapore Stock Exchange.
All time high record trading volumes
caused the electronic trading platform
to jam
and became a comedy
of errors and misquoted prices.
Wrong information
was disseminated
and SGX's website
froze,
not providing usual prices
and volumes.
SGX's official statement
the next day in the papers, said
"The high volumes caused
congestion which led
to prices updated slowly
and at different times
led to anomalies"
Yeah, right.
First World infrastructure my ass.
20070301
1535 hrs March 1st 2007
I wrote sometime back,
on how Singapore is a safe haven
for stolen money
from Indonesia,
please scroll back
to October 16th 2006
and October 20th 2006.
Well its all over the newspapers
in Indonesia now.
In the Jakarta Post
last month,
the editorial accused Singapore
of harbouring 500 Indonesian fugitives
with USD30 billion of stolen money
deposited in banks here.
I knew we have alot
of their money.
I didn't know that much.
The Singapore government
is now being
opening being accused
or harbouring criminals
and safekeeping stolen money,
what do they
have to say about it?
Guilty by association?
Hey, for a government
that is so famous
for suing people
into bankruptcy
for defamation
and other scandalous words,
why are they now
keeping so quiet?
They are known
to have sued
foreign publications too,
Far East Economic Review,
Bloomberg etc.
Why not sue the Jakarta Post?
on how Singapore is a safe haven
for stolen money
from Indonesia,
please scroll back
to October 16th 2006
and October 20th 2006.
Well its all over the newspapers
in Indonesia now.
In the Jakarta Post
last month,
the editorial accused Singapore
of harbouring 500 Indonesian fugitives
with USD30 billion of stolen money
deposited in banks here.
I knew we have alot
of their money.
I didn't know that much.
The Singapore government
is now being
opening being accused
or harbouring criminals
and safekeeping stolen money,
what do they
have to say about it?
Guilty by association?
Hey, for a government
that is so famous
for suing people
into bankruptcy
for defamation
and other scandalous words,
why are they now
keeping so quiet?
They are known
to have sued
foreign publications too,
Far East Economic Review,
Bloomberg etc.
Why not sue the Jakarta Post?
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