2020 HRS SEPTEMBER 28TH 2007

I can't believe it.

I've faced an entire life

full of dissappointments,

after 42 years,

I would have thought,

that I can take any kind

of dissappointment

Life has to throw at me.

Strangely,

nothing prepared me

for this.

When it became clear

they won't give you

your social visit visa

and you're not going

to visit me,

I suddenly realised

how much

I wanted you

to be here

with me,

just for one

weekend.

I locked myself

in this apartment

for 2.5 weeks,

waiting for you

in anticipation,

every night afterwork,

every weekend.

I did not want

to go out,

I did not want

to go

to all the nice restaurants

I know

in this city,

I do not want

to explore

the shopping centres,

I do not want

to wander

the streets on my own.

I just won't

enjoy myself

without you

by my side.

I wanted so badly

to show you this city,

where I've stayed

for 7 whole years.

I won't eat

all my favourite food,

because it is meaningless

without you.

I checked out

the jazz club

downstairs,

I absolutely loved

that place,

the band

was terrific,

the decor

cozy,

the crowd

friendly.

I lasted a grand total

of 15 minutes.

It was almost like

I felt guilty

enjoying myself

without you.

I just wanted us

to have fun together

exploring this city

together.

I suddenly

realised how much

I really hated

this apartment.

Coming from a 2519 sq ft penthouse,

to a 500 sq ft studio,

I suddenly felt

like a fucking prisoner.

For 2.5 weeks,

I locked myself inside

watching videos.

I've never watched

so much TV

in my entire life.

I don't know baby,

I know there's always

another time,

another place.

But I just want you now,

right here,

by my side.

I hate

the way I am now,

I need you so.

2030 HRS SEPTEMBER 27TH 2007

I can't believe

this cesspit of an island

called Hong Kong.

You let in shady characters

calling themselves

Nigerian businessmen,

who stalk the streets

in the middle of the night

hoping to pick the pocket

of some drunken guy,

You let in

prostitutes from all parts

of Mainland China,

Philippines

and Thailand,

totally unregulated

and running the risks

of sexually transmitted diseases,

But you made it a bitch

for a Singapore PR,

who can prove

she is gainfully employed

as an engineer

in a large listed

electronics contract manufacturer,

who can prove

with bank statements

she has the financial means

to support herself,

and has fully paid up flight tickets

for her passage back to Singapore

for just one weekend in HK,

you made it a bitch

for her,

simply because she happens

to hold

a Vietnamese passport.

Just what

are you afraid of?

Illegal immigration?

Just who the hell fuck

would want to migrate

to this shit hole?

The air is dangerously polluted,

the streets are filthy,

the crime rate is high,

even swanky boutiques

at major shopping centres

pay protection money,

to triad gangsters,

the tap water is unsafe for drinking,

the sea is unsafe for swimming,

even the toilet in my apartment

stinks of recycled industrial water.

Food is ridiculously overpriced,

everything is expensive,

people are rude,

public transport system

is completely overcrowded.

Make no mistake,

we have no fucking interest

in moving to

your shit hole.

We are just here,

to spend some money,

maybe buy a bag

some clothes,

and perhaps Disneyland watches

for kids.

If its so difficult

for us to spend our money

in your shit hole,

we'd gladly

take it somewhere else.

4 to 6 weeks processing time

for a social visit visa application?

The next time people tell me

HK is an efficient city,

I swear I'll kick him

in the ass.

2150 HRS SEPTEMBER 26TH 2007

Sometimes I feel

that my life,

is like climbing

this tall and arduous mountain.

Every single day,

I slogged

my life's energies away,

to reach the summit.

Now,

I've finally reached

the top

of this treacherous mountain,

breathing in

the fresh mountain air,

enjoying

the stunning scenery

all around me.

I take my camera out

to record down

the beauty that I see

laid out before me,

only to realise,

the day is ending,

light is fading,

darkness is coming,

and soon,

the beauty

of it all,

will be enveloped

in darkness.

1550 HRS SEPTEHMBER 26TH 2007

Its strange how friends described her

as a simple girl.

Simple people are by defination

people with simple

needs and wants.

But my observation is

simple people

are far from simple.

They protrayed simplicity

because they have developed

a tough survival instinct,

a psychological immunity

to adversity,

thus making them

very complex

and psychologically advanced

human beings.

Human beings have

unlimited needs and wants,

that is a well known

economic fact.

Our entire capitalistic society

feeds on our

unlimited needs and wants.

We are always chasing

the last dollar.

Always chasing

for that so called improvement

in our quality of life.

When we can only be happy

with a bigger car,

a more glamourous condo,

a fatter bank account,

a multiplying investment portfolio,

a further luxury holiday.

But all these

serve as nothing much more

than bragging rights.

It is like our entire self esteem

is based on our capacity

to show off.

But that is capitalism.

Capitalism is not going to work,

if Orchard Road or Vivocity

are filled with

Buddhist monks.

I think we all know

the deception of capitalism.

A 300% increase in price

does not commensurate with

a 300% increase in satisfaction.

A $5 lamb chop in a HDB kopitiam

costs 10 times less

than at Raffles Grill

but the satisfaction

is no where near

10 times more.

The equation is balanced

only by an added capacity

to brag to others,

having dined at

Raffles Grill.

How do simple people

thus become happy?

Being humans,

they too are subjected

to unlimited needs and wants.

The difference is

short of attaining

unlimited needs and wants,

they've learnt

to appreciate

what they already have.

We think,

we have to find

happiness,

they know

that happiness

is already found

within.

They know,

if you need somethings

or even someone,

in order to be happy,

you're not gonna be very happy,

after getting them anyway.

Not as though,

they are immuned

from wanting to enjoy

a lamb chop

at Raffles Grill.

Just that they know

eating at Raffles Grill,

is much nicer

when you are eating

with someone

you love.

Happiness is

when what you worked hard for

is being shared

with someone

you love.

And ironically,

it can be found

equally

at a HDB kopi tiam

and at Raffles Grill.

1830 HRS SEPTEMBER 23RD 2007

Everytime I go to church,

I hear about

the wonderful things

God have done

for people.

From helping kids pass

their examinations,

to helping parents get

a promotion at work,

to healing the sick,

to narrowly escaping

a road accident.

God is great,

we proclaim.

And the pastor,

will back up,

how God is great,

with references

from the Bible.

So we believe in God

who performs miracles

and help us

when we are in need.

A God

who is involved

in our lives.

Then, how did God

allow his Korean church followers

to be murdered

in Afghanistan?

How did God

allow natural diasasters

like the Sumatran tsunami

to kill 275,000 lives

on Boxing Day 2004?

How did God

allow a deadly disease

like SARS

to kill so many people,

including a pastor

who contacted SARS

because he prayed

for a victim?

Do we know

the answer?

Take out your Bible references

and tell that to

the families

of the tsunami victims

or the SARS victims.

Did God allow,

the tsunami to kill,

because Indonesians

are Muslims,

because Thais

are Buddhists,

and Indians

are Hindus?

Are we worshipping a God

who blesses some people

and kills others?

Didn't the Bible teach,

that we are all

children of God?

And that we are

creations of God?

Do we believe

that God helps

a Christian boy

to pass his exams,

whilst killing 275,000 people

who are not Christians?

Some of the victims

were Christians

incidentally.

Is God really

a God of Love

and not a mass

murderer?

Is it the same God that taught us,

to love our enemies?

Or worse,

totally powerless

from stopping

big natural diasasters,

but could do small things

like helping a kid

pass his exams?

My point is

it is pointless

trying to understand God.

What is the use

of having faith,

if we need to rationalise

that God has done this

and done that

for us?

How can we worship God

as omnipotent,

and yet think

we can understand him

with our human understandings?

Why tell me

what you know about God

every single sunday,

when the reality is

nobody actually knows?

I choose to believe,

that God resides,

in each of us.

And acceptance of Christ

is the conscious allowance

of God manifesting himself

in our daily lives.

It is the personal relationship

we have

with God

and his goodness

that is in us.

We are all

children of God,

we are his creations.

Therefore, we are perfect

and should accept each other

as perfect creations

of God.

It is in each and eveyone

of us,

to let that perfection

be seen

and connect with

the perfection

of others.

It is our responsibilities

to let the God in us,

connect with

the God in others

we meet

in our daily lives.

To try to explain God

in human terms,

albeit with Bible references,

seems to me,

trying to put God down,

to our human levels,

and probably

a sin by

itself.