I can't believe it.
I've faced an entire life
full of dissappointments,
after 42 years,
I would have thought,
that I can take any kind
of dissappointment
Life has to throw at me.
Strangely,
nothing prepared me
for this.
When it became clear
they won't give you
your social visit visa
and you're not going
to visit me,
I suddenly realised
how much
I wanted you
to be here
with me,
just for one
weekend.
I locked myself
in this apartment
for 2.5 weeks,
waiting for you
in anticipation,
every night afterwork,
every weekend.
I did not want
to go out,
I did not want
to go
to all the nice restaurants
I know
in this city,
I do not want
to explore
the shopping centres,
I do not want
to wander
the streets on my own.
I just won't
enjoy myself
without you
by my side.
I wanted so badly
to show you this city,
where I've stayed
for 7 whole years.
I won't eat
all my favourite food,
because it is meaningless
without you.
I checked out
the jazz club
downstairs,
I absolutely loved
that place,
the band
was terrific,
the decor
cozy,
the crowd
friendly.
I lasted a grand total
of 15 minutes.
It was almost like
I felt guilty
enjoying myself
without you.
I just wanted us
to have fun together
exploring this city
together.
I suddenly
realised how much
I really hated
this apartment.
Coming from a 2519 sq ft penthouse,
to a 500 sq ft studio,
I suddenly felt
like a fucking prisoner.
For 2.5 weeks,
I locked myself inside
watching videos.
I've never watched
so much TV
in my entire life.
I don't know baby,
I know there's always
another time,
another place.
But I just want you now,
right here,
by my side.
I hate
the way I am now,
I need you so.
