Living in this world
is like being in a casino.
You can't think too much,
if you do,
you stop enjoying the game.
If you think too much
about Life,
you won't have time
to enjoy Life.
You just lay down your money
and play your part.
You must know
which cards to hold
and which cards to throw,
just like you must know
which people to hold
and which people to throw,
even friends
or spouses.
Just enjoy the game,
no matter what cards
you've been dealt,
and play the best
to your ability.
Just like in Life,
you must always endeavour
to give your best shot
in everything worth doing.
If you're not gonna give your best
you might as well not even try.
You can't walk,
in the middle of a game,
just like you cannot
resign from Life,
unless you wanna die.
Never count your money
when you're still
playing the game,
just play the cards
you get dealt,
even bad cards.
When you count your money,
you either get complacent
or greedy.
If I count my blessings in life,
tomorrow being Vesak Day,
I'll sit under a tree
waiting for Enlightenment.
And when you're out of aces,
go next door and
sing karaoke instead.
No point trying too hard
in life,
particularly marriage.
A married life is happiest
when you don't really need
to try so hard.
When your casino ship is sinking,
you don't sit there and pray,
you jump.
20070530
20070529
1050 HRS MAY 29TH 2007
What I meant yesterday,
was for relationships between
two human beings,
be it romantic or platonic,
our whole,
have to be more than
the total sum of our
individual parts.
Meaning,
1 + 1 > 2.
A human relationship
can only be sustained that way.
If
1 + 1 = 2,
what incentive is there
to be friends?
We're no better off
than before when
we were strangers.
Worse if,
1+ 1 < 2
We're no good for each other,
We're dragging each other down.
So for our sake's,
let's just forget
we even knew
each other.
was for relationships between
two human beings,
be it romantic or platonic,
our whole,
have to be more than
the total sum of our
individual parts.
Meaning,
1 + 1 > 2.
A human relationship
can only be sustained that way.
If
1 + 1 = 2,
what incentive is there
to be friends?
We're no better off
than before when
we were strangers.
Worse if,
1+ 1 < 2
We're no good for each other,
We're dragging each other down.
So for our sake's,
let's just forget
we even knew
each other.
20070528
1210 HRS MAY 28TH 2007
Human relationships are strange.
Time may cultivate familiarity,
but familiarity breeds contempt.
Once that barrier of
common courtesy
between strangers
been overcome,
best of friends
have this tendency
of being overly critical,
easily confrontational,
putting you down,
shattering your confidence,
to the point
of brutality.
They say,
they do it
out of friendly concern,
all well and good,
but is there a need
to be fucking rude?
Worst when a snide remark
is disguised as a joke,
its not funny damnit.
Just what sort of
gratification
do you get out
of cutting me up?
Just what sort of
sick satisfaction
do you get out
of putting me down?
Just what sort of
fucking thrill
do you get out
of breaking my spirit?
It is just not me
to respond,
I'll absorb your punches,
I'll take your beatings.
And I do have a
great capacity
for punishment
from someone I love.
But at some point,
I'll miss
being strangers
again.
Time may cultivate familiarity,
but familiarity breeds contempt.
Once that barrier of
common courtesy
between strangers
been overcome,
best of friends
have this tendency
of being overly critical,
easily confrontational,
putting you down,
shattering your confidence,
to the point
of brutality.
They say,
they do it
out of friendly concern,
all well and good,
but is there a need
to be fucking rude?
Worst when a snide remark
is disguised as a joke,
its not funny damnit.
Just what sort of
gratification
do you get out
of cutting me up?
Just what sort of
sick satisfaction
do you get out
of putting me down?
Just what sort of
fucking thrill
do you get out
of breaking my spirit?
It is just not me
to respond,
I'll absorb your punches,
I'll take your beatings.
And I do have a
great capacity
for punishment
from someone I love.
But at some point,
I'll miss
being strangers
again.
20070525
1540 HRS MAY 25TH 2007
Now this is exciting
my imagination.
Malaysia and Singapore
are planning to cooperate
in building
the Iskandar Development Region
in Johore.
The area will be
3 times the size
of Singapore.
This is one time,
the two countries
will be working together
for mutual benefit.
Malaysia needs our
capital, expertise and technology.
Singapore needs
cheap abundant hinterland,
and human resources
to move the manufacturing sector.
I have seen how
Shenzhen benefitted
both China and Hong Kong.
In this age of globalisation,
when all manufacturing jobs
go to China,
and all outsourced services jobs
go to India,
both Singapore and Malaysia,
have to work together,
be competitive and relevant
or die a natural death.
More importantly,
just as Shenzhen
spelt the death
of communism in China,
Iskandar Development Region,
should spell the death
of bumiputra policy in Malaysia.
Politically,
with equally vested interests
in such a huge area,
bilateral ties between
Singapore and Malaysia,
can only get better.
We're stuck together
for better or worse.
Pertinent issues
like water supply,
West Malaysian CPF withdrawals,
Customs, Immigration, Quarantine (CIQ)
will look like tiny minor problems,
in the face of a region,
whose economy
can potentially be bigger
than Bangkok or Jakarta.
Of course,
a grand vision
that can potentially change
the socio-economic lives
of two countries,
came from PM Badawi,
and not our millionaire ministers.
All our guys can come up with
are building two casinos.
Malaysia is still
a nett commodity exporter,
which will make them
politically and eonomically
aligned with China,
the next economic superpower.
Because of Malaysia's Islamic roots,
it will also align itself
with the Arab world,
Shariah compliant financing
cannot come easier.
I read that,
they will build Danga Bay,
a massive waterfront
housing project
in conjuction with
Iskandar Development Region.
Danga Bay gives me incentive
to marry a Malaysian chick,
Malaysian property,
Malaysian ringgit,
cannot go wrong from here.
my imagination.
Malaysia and Singapore
are planning to cooperate
in building
the Iskandar Development Region
in Johore.
The area will be
3 times the size
of Singapore.
This is one time,
the two countries
will be working together
for mutual benefit.
Malaysia needs our
capital, expertise and technology.
Singapore needs
cheap abundant hinterland,
and human resources
to move the manufacturing sector.
I have seen how
Shenzhen benefitted
both China and Hong Kong.
In this age of globalisation,
when all manufacturing jobs
go to China,
and all outsourced services jobs
go to India,
both Singapore and Malaysia,
have to work together,
be competitive and relevant
or die a natural death.
More importantly,
just as Shenzhen
spelt the death
of communism in China,
Iskandar Development Region,
should spell the death
of bumiputra policy in Malaysia.
Politically,
with equally vested interests
in such a huge area,
bilateral ties between
Singapore and Malaysia,
can only get better.
We're stuck together
for better or worse.
Pertinent issues
like water supply,
West Malaysian CPF withdrawals,
Customs, Immigration, Quarantine (CIQ)
will look like tiny minor problems,
in the face of a region,
whose economy
can potentially be bigger
than Bangkok or Jakarta.
Of course,
a grand vision
that can potentially change
the socio-economic lives
of two countries,
came from PM Badawi,
and not our millionaire ministers.
All our guys can come up with
are building two casinos.
Malaysia is still
a nett commodity exporter,
which will make them
politically and eonomically
aligned with China,
the next economic superpower.
Because of Malaysia's Islamic roots,
it will also align itself
with the Arab world,
Shariah compliant financing
cannot come easier.
I read that,
they will build Danga Bay,
a massive waterfront
housing project
in conjuction with
Iskandar Development Region.
Danga Bay gives me incentive
to marry a Malaysian chick,
Malaysian property,
Malaysian ringgit,
cannot go wrong from here.
20070524
1455 HRS MAY 24TH 2007
They tell me,
Love is Blind.
If that is so,
Love comes with a
Braille Financial Calculator.
They tell me,
Its the Thought that Counts.
Then why the fuck
is that Taka Jewellery ear ring
not as good as Paloma Picasso range
from Tiffany & Co?
They tell me,
Love Conquers All.
Yes,
until the next Bigger Better Deal
tries to jump into her pants.
Especially in Swingabore,
Once you lose your job,
you lose your woman too.
Natural progression of logic.
They tell me,
Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder.
Are you fucking kidding?
I have hard statistical evidence,
that once your're out of her sight,
you're out of her mind too.
They tell me,
All you need is Love.
Yes, and a generous helping of
expensive restaurants,
luxury holidays,
branded goods,
private estate address,
not just a car, but a German Marque.
They tell me
lots of things.
I just wish
they will just
shut the fuck up.
Love is Blind.
If that is so,
Love comes with a
Braille Financial Calculator.
They tell me,
Its the Thought that Counts.
Then why the fuck
is that Taka Jewellery ear ring
not as good as Paloma Picasso range
from Tiffany & Co?
They tell me,
Love Conquers All.
Yes,
until the next Bigger Better Deal
tries to jump into her pants.
Especially in Swingabore,
Once you lose your job,
you lose your woman too.
Natural progression of logic.
They tell me,
Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder.
Are you fucking kidding?
I have hard statistical evidence,
that once your're out of her sight,
you're out of her mind too.
They tell me,
All you need is Love.
Yes, and a generous helping of
expensive restaurants,
luxury holidays,
branded goods,
private estate address,
not just a car, but a German Marque.
They tell me
lots of things.
I just wish
they will just
shut the fuck up.
20070523
0055HRS MAY 23RD 2007
I can't sleep.
I kept on thinking
of that night.
When a virtual stranger,
almost barged into my life.
She is pretty,
maybe with a few extra pounds,
but at her lanky height,
she carries them off
not too badly.
We've been introduced before,
I know of her as a single mum,
who is recently available again.
She knows,
so am I.
Very charming,
in a breezy sort of way,
I admit,
I was somewhat aroused
when she got a little
touchy feely.
Later that night,
she invited herself
to my place,
for drinks.
The silent come hither
was loud and deafening,
the good night kiss
wasn't exactly a friendly hug.
In my intoxicated haze,
I heard the words
of that old movie Forrest Gump,
"Run Forrest Run!!!"
Yeah, I ran.
Like that mentally retarded.
Look at me,
I know I am not
exactly someone
who can make a woman
wet her pants
for a one night stand.
Seems more like
she came with
a business plan.
I could have played
her game,
but I know
I am no player.
If anything,
I'd fall hopelessly in love
feeling so thankful
and appreciative
of being accepted
by her,
the very morning after.
She must have thought of me
as an easy target.
And later,
I found out,
that she done this
seduction act before,
in search of
her (and her son's) meal ticket
and car installment.
Suddenly,
I felt so alone again,
almost scared.
They always tell me
the ocean is full of fishes,
they forgot to tell me
its full of barracudas too.
I kept on thinking
of that night.
When a virtual stranger,
almost barged into my life.
She is pretty,
maybe with a few extra pounds,
but at her lanky height,
she carries them off
not too badly.
We've been introduced before,
I know of her as a single mum,
who is recently available again.
She knows,
so am I.
Very charming,
in a breezy sort of way,
I admit,
I was somewhat aroused
when she got a little
touchy feely.
Later that night,
she invited herself
to my place,
for drinks.
The silent come hither
was loud and deafening,
the good night kiss
wasn't exactly a friendly hug.
In my intoxicated haze,
I heard the words
of that old movie Forrest Gump,
"Run Forrest Run!!!"
Yeah, I ran.
Like that mentally retarded.
Look at me,
I know I am not
exactly someone
who can make a woman
wet her pants
for a one night stand.
Seems more like
she came with
a business plan.
I could have played
her game,
but I know
I am no player.
If anything,
I'd fall hopelessly in love
feeling so thankful
and appreciative
of being accepted
by her,
the very morning after.
She must have thought of me
as an easy target.
And later,
I found out,
that she done this
seduction act before,
in search of
her (and her son's) meal ticket
and car installment.
Suddenly,
I felt so alone again,
almost scared.
They always tell me
the ocean is full of fishes,
they forgot to tell me
its full of barracudas too.
20070522
1400 HRS MAY 22ND 2007
I very seldom
take a break
for lunch.
But today,
I decided to go
for a walk around.
I stood outside this
nasi lemak stall,
and found it amusing,
why people (especially women)
place a packet of tissue paper
on the table,
to reserve the seat.
Just why do they do that?
I guess they want to be
assured of a seat
when they return
with their nasi lemak.
Its so amusing.
John Nash won
a Nobel Peace Prize
for his work
on the Game Theory.
I'm no mathematician
or genius like John Nash,
but we're both schizos I suppose.
The nasi lemak tissue paper seat grabber
is a simple example,
of that Game Theory.
I noticed,
it takes about 5 minutes
to queue up,
and about 10 minutes
to eat.
Let's say tissue paper seat grabbers
were banned
by Encik Nasi Lemak,
Everybody queues up
for his nasi lemak,
all things remaining equal,
with 5 minutes queuing time
and 10 minutes eating time,
every 15 minutes,
there will be a new seat available!!!
If everything goes according to
the Game Theory,
Encik Nasi Lemak
needs just 2 seats
to keep his business going
for 2 hours of lunch
to serve 22 customers!!!
And he probably has
about 25 seats!!!
So why does Encik Nasi Lemak
have a problem
seating his clients?
Its the tissue paper seat grabbers.
I guess the basic problem
is it is against human nature
to think of costs and benefits
from overall perspective.
We think only of benefits
and lay the costs
to others.
When it costs us,
we think of only our own benefits.
If the tissue paper seat grabbers
can realise that,
it is totally unproductive
to leave a packet of tissue paper
on the table,
serving no nasi lemak client,
whilst they queue up,
and that it has hardly any benefits,
whilst the cost,
is borned
by other clients
notwithstanding Encik Nasi Lemak.
Only humans,
exhibit this tendency
to reserve.
Animals never do.
They hunt
only when they're hungry.
They are inborn
with the Game Theory.
Its so easy,
to make this world
a nicer place
to live.
take a break
for lunch.
But today,
I decided to go
for a walk around.
I stood outside this
nasi lemak stall,
and found it amusing,
why people (especially women)
place a packet of tissue paper
on the table,
to reserve the seat.
Just why do they do that?
I guess they want to be
assured of a seat
when they return
with their nasi lemak.
Its so amusing.
John Nash won
a Nobel Peace Prize
for his work
on the Game Theory.
I'm no mathematician
or genius like John Nash,
but we're both schizos I suppose.
The nasi lemak tissue paper seat grabber
is a simple example,
of that Game Theory.
I noticed,
it takes about 5 minutes
to queue up,
and about 10 minutes
to eat.
Let's say tissue paper seat grabbers
were banned
by Encik Nasi Lemak,
Everybody queues up
for his nasi lemak,
all things remaining equal,
with 5 minutes queuing time
and 10 minutes eating time,
every 15 minutes,
there will be a new seat available!!!
If everything goes according to
the Game Theory,
Encik Nasi Lemak
needs just 2 seats
to keep his business going
for 2 hours of lunch
to serve 22 customers!!!
And he probably has
about 25 seats!!!
So why does Encik Nasi Lemak
have a problem
seating his clients?
Its the tissue paper seat grabbers.
I guess the basic problem
is it is against human nature
to think of costs and benefits
from overall perspective.
We think only of benefits
and lay the costs
to others.
When it costs us,
we think of only our own benefits.
If the tissue paper seat grabbers
can realise that,
it is totally unproductive
to leave a packet of tissue paper
on the table,
serving no nasi lemak client,
whilst they queue up,
and that it has hardly any benefits,
whilst the cost,
is borned
by other clients
notwithstanding Encik Nasi Lemak.
Only humans,
exhibit this tendency
to reserve.
Animals never do.
They hunt
only when they're hungry.
They are inborn
with the Game Theory.
Its so easy,
to make this world
a nicer place
to live.
0940 HRS MAY 22ND 2007
Life is good.
Maybe not great,
but sure as hell
could be alot worse.
I am happy,
I know I can be happier,
but that hardly matters
anymore.
I am one lucky guy,
I may not have achieved
somethings I dreamt of,
but I have to take responsibility
for my part of the blame.
As it is,
life have afforded me
plenty of comforts
and some luxuries,
a million men would
gladly swap places.
I loved 3 beautiful women
in my life,
I may feel robbed
of experiencing fatherhood,
but there are people
who die without
experiencing love,
I've done it 3 times.
I absorb full responsibility
for being both
blind and stupid
for making wrong choices
in my relationships.
But enough
of feeling sorry
for myself.
I've cut huge losses
before in my life,
another woman walking out
is just another cut loss.
Its nobody's fault
but my own,
that I chose
to focus my efforts
on money grabbing
gold digging sluts.
Once responsibility
for the failure
has been absorbed,
blame can be absolved.
No time for regrets,
Life is too good
to be living
in the past.
Memories are
for the dead,
not the living.
Peace resides only
in the cemetry.
Life is for
the Living
Maybe not great,
but sure as hell
could be alot worse.
I am happy,
I know I can be happier,
but that hardly matters
anymore.
I am one lucky guy,
I may not have achieved
somethings I dreamt of,
but I have to take responsibility
for my part of the blame.
As it is,
life have afforded me
plenty of comforts
and some luxuries,
a million men would
gladly swap places.
I loved 3 beautiful women
in my life,
I may feel robbed
of experiencing fatherhood,
but there are people
who die without
experiencing love,
I've done it 3 times.
I absorb full responsibility
for being both
blind and stupid
for making wrong choices
in my relationships.
But enough
of feeling sorry
for myself.
I've cut huge losses
before in my life,
another woman walking out
is just another cut loss.
Its nobody's fault
but my own,
that I chose
to focus my efforts
on money grabbing
gold digging sluts.
Once responsibility
for the failure
has been absorbed,
blame can be absolved.
No time for regrets,
Life is too good
to be living
in the past.
Memories are
for the dead,
not the living.
Peace resides only
in the cemetry.
Life is for
the Living
20070521
1145 HRS MAY 21ST 2007
Its hard for me
to understand,
this emotional dependency
people call Love.
Some people
seem to think of love
as wanting to be together
with their partners
all day long.
They just want to cuddle
as much as humanly possible.
Well, I do cuddle
my cat too.
But is that love?
Some of them like the feeling
of their heart skipping a beat,
when they see their partners.
I think of that sort of feeling
as juvenile,
last experienced
as a teenager
25 years ago.
Love have to be
more than just a feeling.
Heart skipping a beat
or wanting physical intimacy
is no more than just
a passion,
and passion seldom lasts.
It is probably
just a good start
for actual love to grow.
I wonder if people
are really in love,
or just in love with
the whole idea of being
in love.
I think of love
as a living thing,
as my partner
being part of my overall personality.
Where together,
we develop and grow
spiritually as humans.
But we cannot grow,
if we're so dependent
on each other's presence.
We go on with our individual lives
as independent people,
but nourish our souls
when we're together.
We still have our lives
with our individual families,
we still have our lives
with our individual friends.
Ah well,
the fuck I know
to understand,
this emotional dependency
people call Love.
Some people
seem to think of love
as wanting to be together
with their partners
all day long.
They just want to cuddle
as much as humanly possible.
Well, I do cuddle
my cat too.
But is that love?
Some of them like the feeling
of their heart skipping a beat,
when they see their partners.
I think of that sort of feeling
as juvenile,
last experienced
as a teenager
25 years ago.
Love have to be
more than just a feeling.
Heart skipping a beat
or wanting physical intimacy
is no more than just
a passion,
and passion seldom lasts.
It is probably
just a good start
for actual love to grow.
I wonder if people
are really in love,
or just in love with
the whole idea of being
in love.
I think of love
as a living thing,
as my partner
being part of my overall personality.
Where together,
we develop and grow
spiritually as humans.
But we cannot grow,
if we're so dependent
on each other's presence.
We go on with our individual lives
as independent people,
but nourish our souls
when we're together.
We still have our lives
with our individual families,
we still have our lives
with our individual friends.
Ah well,
the fuck I know
20070518
1340 HRS MAY 18th 2007
Its strange how people
always tell me,
women are sentimental people.
The entire premise
of that John Gray's book
"Men from Mars Women from Venus"
is based on
Men are egoistical
Women are emotional.
I can't say that is
totally untrue,
but I've seen many
Men who are emotional,
Women who are egoistical.
Somehow when a woman
is in love with you,
she is all over you,
like cheese is all over pizza.
No matter how busy she is
at the office,
she will pause for a while
to think about you,
and her heart
will be filled
with this nice
warm and fuzzy feeling.
When she is out of love,
she doesn't have time for you,
and when she actually thinks
about you,
she feels sick
and makes her wanna pop
her anti-nausea pills.
You to her,
is like Avian flu virus
to chickens,
or Colonel Sanders.
Wallow in your hurt, misery
grief and anguish,
but never never never
try to make her change her mind
once she has a change of heart.
Women are the
most unsentimental animals
once they've changed their hearts.
For God's sakes,
please don't beg,
don't grovel.
All it does,
is boost her ego
and hardened her resolve
to dump you.
Actually I believe,
the grovelling
only serves
to entertain her
a little bit.
always tell me,
women are sentimental people.
The entire premise
of that John Gray's book
"Men from Mars Women from Venus"
is based on
Men are egoistical
Women are emotional.
I can't say that is
totally untrue,
but I've seen many
Men who are emotional,
Women who are egoistical.
Somehow when a woman
is in love with you,
she is all over you,
like cheese is all over pizza.
No matter how busy she is
at the office,
she will pause for a while
to think about you,
and her heart
will be filled
with this nice
warm and fuzzy feeling.
When she is out of love,
she doesn't have time for you,
and when she actually thinks
about you,
she feels sick
and makes her wanna pop
her anti-nausea pills.
You to her,
is like Avian flu virus
to chickens,
or Colonel Sanders.
Wallow in your hurt, misery
grief and anguish,
but never never never
try to make her change her mind
once she has a change of heart.
Women are the
most unsentimental animals
once they've changed their hearts.
For God's sakes,
please don't beg,
don't grovel.
All it does,
is boost her ego
and hardened her resolve
to dump you.
Actually I believe,
the grovelling
only serves
to entertain her
a little bit.
20070517
1025 HRS MAY 17TH 2007
I was bored in the office,
as usual,
googled "Law of Attraction"
out of curiosity.
The basic concept is
derived from Quantum mechanics,
the premisse of
"like attracts like".
Extrapolated further,
you get what you think about,
whether wanted or unwanted.
All matter and energy
are attracted
to that which is of its
similiar or identical vibration.
It therefore follows that,
if I want money and health,
as long as I think enough
of money and health,
surely money and health
will follow.
Can it be that simple?
Why aren't we awashed
with good looking billionaires
fit enough to run circles
around Singapore then?
Let's assume
I fully suscribe to
the Law of Attraction.
If I were to wish
for money and health,
and spend all my time
and energy,
deliberately trying
to attract
money and health
vibrations,
I think I have just conceded,
that the reason
why I was wishing
money and health is
precisely because
I LACK money and health.
That lack
will be the predominant emotion,
it is that lack
that will cause
further like vibrations,
and therefore
that lack
to further create
more lack.
as usual,
googled "Law of Attraction"
out of curiosity.
The basic concept is
derived from Quantum mechanics,
the premisse of
"like attracts like".
Extrapolated further,
you get what you think about,
whether wanted or unwanted.
All matter and energy
are attracted
to that which is of its
similiar or identical vibration.
It therefore follows that,
if I want money and health,
as long as I think enough
of money and health,
surely money and health
will follow.
Can it be that simple?
Why aren't we awashed
with good looking billionaires
fit enough to run circles
around Singapore then?
Let's assume
I fully suscribe to
the Law of Attraction.
If I were to wish
for money and health,
and spend all my time
and energy,
deliberately trying
to attract
money and health
vibrations,
I think I have just conceded,
that the reason
why I was wishing
money and health is
precisely because
I LACK money and health.
That lack
will be the predominant emotion,
it is that lack
that will cause
further like vibrations,
and therefore
that lack
to further create
more lack.
20070515
1055 HRS MAY 15TH 2007
If there is anything at all
this we learnt from history,
is that
we never learnt anything
from history
at all.
I suspect
it is against human nature
to learn from
the bad experiences
of others.
The high rate
of delinquency
amongst children
from broken families,
is a well documented fact
and both common knowledge
and common sense.
But I see parents repeatedly
subjecting their children
through this trauma
at very impressionable ages
of their kids' lives,
because they tell their husbands
the standard end of story
"I do not love you anymore".
It is frightening
when love goes bad.
Somehow, a wife
can see absolutely nothing good
in her husband,
absolutely none whatsover.
The things that used to endear
suddenly becomes
a constant source
of irritation.
Tender loving care
suddenly gets perceived
as needy and clingy
or no fucking backbone.
Saving the marriage,
is actually counter productive
for him.
Everything he does
is wrong.
Everything he didn't do
is also wrong.
Even if he strikes TOTO today
and becomes an instant milionaire,
by tomorrow she'd be cursing
its only one million.
When she can spend hours
at marriage counselling,
with a closed mind
and closed heart.
She showed up
only to ease
her conscience
that for the record,
she did try
to save the marriage,
she even went
for counselling.
She rather be
somewhere else,
like in the arms
of somebody else,
anybody else
but him.
Will she live to regret
the decision?
Her friends and family
may despair,
but certainly not her.
Like my ex-wife once said,
"Even if I live to regret
my decision,
I know it is something
I have to do,
I don't want to live
the rest of my life
wondering what could
have been"
Hell cannot stop
the curiosity
or determination
of a woman
who wants to know
what is life outside
her marriage.
And they will always
rationalise their decisions.
7 years later,
my ex-wife
bought a 3 room HDB flat
with my money.
Please lah,
wanna find angmor
find one that will
at least pay for housing la,
still gotta need your ex-husband
to house you.
I feel alive now
she said.
My elder sister's son
is a school drop out,
after being savagely beaten up
by her butch lover
(actually became a police case).
But my two daughters are ok
she said.
Its not mine to judge,
if you can't find happiness
in our marriage,
please go find your happiness
elsewhere.
No point staying unhappy
in this marriage,
for whatever reason
you're staying
and punishing me
for the rest
of my life.
This house of mine
is not a prison,
you're welcome to
stay or go
if you wish.
If you think so poorly of me,
I owe it to myself,
to savage whatever's left
of my dignity
and self respect
to let you go.
In fact,
I'd even
pack your bags
for you.
this we learnt from history,
is that
we never learnt anything
from history
at all.
I suspect
it is against human nature
to learn from
the bad experiences
of others.
The high rate
of delinquency
amongst children
from broken families,
is a well documented fact
and both common knowledge
and common sense.
But I see parents repeatedly
subjecting their children
through this trauma
at very impressionable ages
of their kids' lives,
because they tell their husbands
the standard end of story
"I do not love you anymore".
It is frightening
when love goes bad.
Somehow, a wife
can see absolutely nothing good
in her husband,
absolutely none whatsover.
The things that used to endear
suddenly becomes
a constant source
of irritation.
Tender loving care
suddenly gets perceived
as needy and clingy
or no fucking backbone.
Saving the marriage,
is actually counter productive
for him.
Everything he does
is wrong.
Everything he didn't do
is also wrong.
Even if he strikes TOTO today
and becomes an instant milionaire,
by tomorrow she'd be cursing
its only one million.
When she can spend hours
at marriage counselling,
with a closed mind
and closed heart.
She showed up
only to ease
her conscience
that for the record,
she did try
to save the marriage,
she even went
for counselling.
She rather be
somewhere else,
like in the arms
of somebody else,
anybody else
but him.
Will she live to regret
the decision?
Her friends and family
may despair,
but certainly not her.
Like my ex-wife once said,
"Even if I live to regret
my decision,
I know it is something
I have to do,
I don't want to live
the rest of my life
wondering what could
have been"
Hell cannot stop
the curiosity
or determination
of a woman
who wants to know
what is life outside
her marriage.
And they will always
rationalise their decisions.
7 years later,
my ex-wife
bought a 3 room HDB flat
with my money.
Please lah,
wanna find angmor
find one that will
at least pay for housing la,
still gotta need your ex-husband
to house you.
I feel alive now
she said.
My elder sister's son
is a school drop out,
after being savagely beaten up
by her butch lover
(actually became a police case).
But my two daughters are ok
she said.
Its not mine to judge,
if you can't find happiness
in our marriage,
please go find your happiness
elsewhere.
No point staying unhappy
in this marriage,
for whatever reason
you're staying
and punishing me
for the rest
of my life.
This house of mine
is not a prison,
you're welcome to
stay or go
if you wish.
If you think so poorly of me,
I owe it to myself,
to savage whatever's left
of my dignity
and self respect
to let you go.
In fact,
I'd even
pack your bags
for you.
20070513
1455 HRS MAY13TH 2007
The other day,
I went to see my Dad.
Suddenly,
in his senility,
a brief moment
of serendipity
burst forth.
He commanded me,
"Boon who bullied you?"
"Nobody bullied me Dad"
"Who bully you, you must tell me OK?"
"OK Dad, I'll tell you, don't worry"
It struck me,
that I had this same conversation
with him 36 years ago,
when I was in Primary 1.
He was 43 years old then,
I am 43 years old now.
The powerful coincidence
both thrilled my imagination,
but saddened my consciousness.
Because I realised,
his consciousness has reverted
to a time,
when he was a younger
43 year old
strong and protective father,
and I was a small 7 year old kid,
unable to fend for myself.
Somehow,
in his senility,
his consciousness
had gone back,
like as though time
was frozen
in the peak
of his life.
He may not be
the best Daddy in the world,
but he sure was
the best Daddy he knew how.
I've always known him,
to be a big eater,
afterall he was a stout
and powerfully strapped man
with big broad shoulders.
But when we ate together
as a family,
I always realised,
he was happier
just to watch
the family eating.
He gained far more pleasure
watching us partake
of the food he provided,
than pleasure
from the meal itself.
His life,
was one of
unrelentless giving
to his family.
As I wonder,
in the senility
of his day,
where does his
consciousness revisit?
Clearly, the times
when he could give and give,
and expect or want nothing
in return.
Why was I thrilled
by this conincidence
that I so happen
to be 43 now?
Because,
it is a little miracle
by itself.
I would like to believe
Dad said that to me
on purpose,
knowing
I am at the age,
he was then.
He wanted to tell me,
that one day,
when I am bed ridden
and my consciousness,
clutching on
to what I used to be,
I would have no regrets,
because
I gave and gave,
to people that matter,
like the way he did.
That I led my life,
making each single day count,
because he taught me,
there is far more meaning
to giving
than taking.
Relax Dad,
you can rest well.
Because you have taught
me well.
I went to see my Dad.
Suddenly,
in his senility,
a brief moment
of serendipity
burst forth.
He commanded me,
"Boon who bullied you?"
"Nobody bullied me Dad"
"Who bully you, you must tell me OK?"
"OK Dad, I'll tell you, don't worry"
It struck me,
that I had this same conversation
with him 36 years ago,
when I was in Primary 1.
He was 43 years old then,
I am 43 years old now.
The powerful coincidence
both thrilled my imagination,
but saddened my consciousness.
Because I realised,
his consciousness has reverted
to a time,
when he was a younger
43 year old
strong and protective father,
and I was a small 7 year old kid,
unable to fend for myself.
Somehow,
in his senility,
his consciousness
had gone back,
like as though time
was frozen
in the peak
of his life.
He may not be
the best Daddy in the world,
but he sure was
the best Daddy he knew how.
I've always known him,
to be a big eater,
afterall he was a stout
and powerfully strapped man
with big broad shoulders.
But when we ate together
as a family,
I always realised,
he was happier
just to watch
the family eating.
He gained far more pleasure
watching us partake
of the food he provided,
than pleasure
from the meal itself.
His life,
was one of
unrelentless giving
to his family.
As I wonder,
in the senility
of his day,
where does his
consciousness revisit?
Clearly, the times
when he could give and give,
and expect or want nothing
in return.
Why was I thrilled
by this conincidence
that I so happen
to be 43 now?
Because,
it is a little miracle
by itself.
I would like to believe
Dad said that to me
on purpose,
knowing
I am at the age,
he was then.
He wanted to tell me,
that one day,
when I am bed ridden
and my consciousness,
clutching on
to what I used to be,
I would have no regrets,
because
I gave and gave,
to people that matter,
like the way he did.
That I led my life,
making each single day count,
because he taught me,
there is far more meaning
to giving
than taking.
Relax Dad,
you can rest well.
Because you have taught
me well.
20070511
2310 HRS MAY 11TH 2007
I think of
any relationship between
two people,
be it romantic
or platonic,
based on two crucial
building blocks.
TRUST
and
RESPECT.
Don't get me wrong,
I did love you before.
But love is freely given.
Trust and Respect
have to be earned.
So I no longer love you,
can we be friends,
based on a shared past?
Think about it,
you're someone
whom completely
betrayed my trust,
more than once,
consistently.
You whom had
abandoned me
for your bigger
better deal.
And I lose respect
for people
whom betrayed my trust.
So how are we left?
Can we still be friends?
Sure I can forgive,
but historically,
when I lose
my trust and respect,
not one have ever
gained my trust and respect
again.
None.
Maybe they did not
try hard enough.
You're welcome
to try.
In fact,
the onus
is on you,
to try to earn
my trust and respect again.
But until then,
you're not a friend.
Just somebody
that I used
to love.
any relationship between
two people,
be it romantic
or platonic,
based on two crucial
building blocks.
TRUST
and
RESPECT.
Don't get me wrong,
I did love you before.
But love is freely given.
Trust and Respect
have to be earned.
So I no longer love you,
can we be friends,
based on a shared past?
Think about it,
you're someone
whom completely
betrayed my trust,
more than once,
consistently.
You whom had
abandoned me
for your bigger
better deal.
And I lose respect
for people
whom betrayed my trust.
So how are we left?
Can we still be friends?
Sure I can forgive,
but historically,
when I lose
my trust and respect,
not one have ever
gained my trust and respect
again.
None.
Maybe they did not
try hard enough.
You're welcome
to try.
In fact,
the onus
is on you,
to try to earn
my trust and respect again.
But until then,
you're not a friend.
Just somebody
that I used
to love.
1140 HRS MAY 11TH 2007
Singapore politics
is just so funny.
Funnier still
is how Singaporeans believe
every single thing
they read in the Shit Times.
We have ministers being paid
$100,000 a month,
saying they should be paid
$200,000 a month,
otherwise they would be
businessmen
in the private sector.
My company better start
paying me
$1,000,000 a month too
otherwise I will play football
for Manchester United.
My company better start
paying our Kopi Ah Soh,
$1,000,000 a month too,
otherwise she will start
an acting career with
Jessica Alba.
My point is,
if you PAP politicians
actually believe,
you can make it good
as businessmen
in the private sector,
just why the hell fuck
did you go into politics
in the first place?
The most likely reason is,
the politicians knew
deep down in their hearts,
they lack the business acumen
to make it in business.
If I knew,
I stood half a chance
to be selected by
Manchester United,
do you think,
I'd even bother
to go into
the finance industry?
For that matter,
just how many
of these government scholars
actually succeeded in business?
Ask Ho Ching.
is just so funny.
Funnier still
is how Singaporeans believe
every single thing
they read in the Shit Times.
We have ministers being paid
$100,000 a month,
saying they should be paid
$200,000 a month,
otherwise they would be
businessmen
in the private sector.
My company better start
paying me
$1,000,000 a month too
otherwise I will play football
for Manchester United.
My company better start
paying our Kopi Ah Soh,
$1,000,000 a month too,
otherwise she will start
an acting career with
Jessica Alba.
My point is,
if you PAP politicians
actually believe,
you can make it good
as businessmen
in the private sector,
just why the hell fuck
did you go into politics
in the first place?
The most likely reason is,
the politicians knew
deep down in their hearts,
they lack the business acumen
to make it in business.
If I knew,
I stood half a chance
to be selected by
Manchester United,
do you think,
I'd even bother
to go into
the finance industry?
For that matter,
just how many
of these government scholars
actually succeeded in business?
Ask Ho Ching.
20070510
2225 HRS MAY 10TH 2007
Living with Schizophrenia.
It took me a long time,
to want to write about
this affliction of mine
that I've been living with
for 7 years now.
As in virtually all mental illness,
I doubt schizophrenia
is fully understood
by medical science.
My own experiences
made me derive my own prognosis
which maybe radically different
from those of mainstream psychiatry.
It started 7 years ago
24th June 2000,
when my ex-wife left me,
and I came back
to an empty house.
The initial shock
led to severe depression
and led me to drink,
the weed killer
from the garden.
I suspect
the combination
of poison and depression,
permanently altered
the chemical balance
in my head
and I started hearing
voices
and seeing delusions
thereafter.
I said permanently
because unfortunately
brain cells do not regenerate
unlike other cells
of the body.
Ultimately,
it is the result
of an overactive mind
in unoccupied circumstances
that often lead
to delusionary attacks.
The starting point,
is almost always,
a disturbed state of mind
in emotional turmoil.
I've learnt,
that human emotions
are impossible
to suppress.
They always resurface
in another form,
almost always
more destructive.
In my case,
my subconsciousness
created a parallel universe
for me to escape
reality of living.
In my murky world
of subconsciousness,
my mind somehow distilled,
my two alter egos,
good and evil.
Before I learnt,
that it was schizophrenia,
that I was dealing with,
I entertained those delusions.
I had hours of conversations,
with my two alter egos.
The good, I called Daniel,
the voice of my conscience.
The evil, I called Lu,
short of Lucifer.
I used to sit down,
and had wonderfully intellectual debates,
with the two of them,
until I totally exhausted myself.
They will reappear
everytime I was alone
and I actually welcomed
their presence
as though I was meeting
old friends.
Together, we would
analyse, hypothesize,
theorerize
Life in itself.
Later on, at the advise
of my psychiatrist,
I was told to avoid
these delusions.
The danger is,
at one point,
in severe cases
of Schizophrenia,
I may lose the ability
to differentiate
between delusions
and reality,
and remain
permanently
in the world of delusions.
I was administered
this horrible medication
called Risperdal.
My own unfortunate experiences
with Risperdal
were two fold.
It does indeed instill
mental calm,
and nothing can ever upset me
in that state of peacefulness
and calm.
Risperdal's life cycle
is 24 hours,
and I was supposed to take
ONE tablet a day.
But the problem is,
the body gets accustomed
very quickly,
and that life cycle
gets shorter
every single day.
The nightmare is
when Risperdal's life cycle
wears off.
The delusions come back
a hundred times worse.
I would be seized,
in a state
of utter fear
and paranoia.
A constant state of anxiety
and panic attacks.
The delusions,
by now Daniel is gone,
and Lu plus a thousand others,
will mock and laugh at me,
hurl insults,
asking me to jump off
the 11th floor
of my apartment.
There were times,
I wanted to jump off,
just to silence them.
My medication went from
ONE tablet of Risperdal
to FOUR tablets a day.
I knew,
I was getting hopelessly addicted
to Risperdal.
I locked myself,
in a hotel room,
in Batam,
for 3 days
to totally wean myself off
from my addiction.
For 3 days,
I battled with my delusions,
till the after effects of Risperdal,
disappeared from my system
totally.
Now, having learnt
that chemically induced calmness
dispels my delusions,
if follows that
if I can self induce
my own calmness,
it will dispel delusions too.
I learnt that,
the moral support
of loved ones,
family and friends
help better than any
available medication.
In the absence of that,
I suppose religion
is a great healer too.
Unfortunately,
I often lacked the faith
to believe in
any organised religion
wholeheartedly at least.
I don't think this affliction
will ever go away
completely.
I've learnt to cope,
by being focussed
mentally
or physically,
such that my mind
will not have a chance
to allow delusions back in.
It is presumptous
to expect
that I will not face any form
of adversity
in life's paths
to cause a recurrance
of my chemical imbalances.
It helps to take life
with equanimity
and a stoic outlook.
I've learnt that for me,
the delusionary trigger
is almost always
fear.
Fear of failure, fear of betrayal.
I am generally successful
in most aspects of life,
my biggest failures
have been my relationship
with women.
And these days,
the delusions will mock, gloat
and laugh hysterically,
at my relationship failures,
undermining
my own perception
of myself,
devastating all
my confidence.
But I've learnt
to exhaust myself physically
by constant activity,
or keep my mind distracted
by reading or any other
activity that demands
total concentration.
But if you have friends
or family,
with this affliction
of Schizophrenia,
and they lack
the capacity or ability
to help themselves,
I would say,
nothing beats
the reassuring environment
that love from friends
and family
can provide.
It took me a long time,
to want to write about
this affliction of mine
that I've been living with
for 7 years now.
As in virtually all mental illness,
I doubt schizophrenia
is fully understood
by medical science.
My own experiences
made me derive my own prognosis
which maybe radically different
from those of mainstream psychiatry.
It started 7 years ago
24th June 2000,
when my ex-wife left me,
and I came back
to an empty house.
The initial shock
led to severe depression
and led me to drink,
the weed killer
from the garden.
I suspect
the combination
of poison and depression,
permanently altered
the chemical balance
in my head
and I started hearing
voices
and seeing delusions
thereafter.
I said permanently
because unfortunately
brain cells do not regenerate
unlike other cells
of the body.
Ultimately,
it is the result
of an overactive mind
in unoccupied circumstances
that often lead
to delusionary attacks.
The starting point,
is almost always,
a disturbed state of mind
in emotional turmoil.
I've learnt,
that human emotions
are impossible
to suppress.
They always resurface
in another form,
almost always
more destructive.
In my case,
my subconsciousness
created a parallel universe
for me to escape
reality of living.
In my murky world
of subconsciousness,
my mind somehow distilled,
my two alter egos,
good and evil.
Before I learnt,
that it was schizophrenia,
that I was dealing with,
I entertained those delusions.
I had hours of conversations,
with my two alter egos.
The good, I called Daniel,
the voice of my conscience.
The evil, I called Lu,
short of Lucifer.
I used to sit down,
and had wonderfully intellectual debates,
with the two of them,
until I totally exhausted myself.
They will reappear
everytime I was alone
and I actually welcomed
their presence
as though I was meeting
old friends.
Together, we would
analyse, hypothesize,
theorerize
Life in itself.
Later on, at the advise
of my psychiatrist,
I was told to avoid
these delusions.
The danger is,
at one point,
in severe cases
of Schizophrenia,
I may lose the ability
to differentiate
between delusions
and reality,
and remain
permanently
in the world of delusions.
I was administered
this horrible medication
called Risperdal.
My own unfortunate experiences
with Risperdal
were two fold.
It does indeed instill
mental calm,
and nothing can ever upset me
in that state of peacefulness
and calm.
Risperdal's life cycle
is 24 hours,
and I was supposed to take
ONE tablet a day.
But the problem is,
the body gets accustomed
very quickly,
and that life cycle
gets shorter
every single day.
The nightmare is
when Risperdal's life cycle
wears off.
The delusions come back
a hundred times worse.
I would be seized,
in a state
of utter fear
and paranoia.
A constant state of anxiety
and panic attacks.
The delusions,
by now Daniel is gone,
and Lu plus a thousand others,
will mock and laugh at me,
hurl insults,
asking me to jump off
the 11th floor
of my apartment.
There were times,
I wanted to jump off,
just to silence them.
My medication went from
ONE tablet of Risperdal
to FOUR tablets a day.
I knew,
I was getting hopelessly addicted
to Risperdal.
I locked myself,
in a hotel room,
in Batam,
for 3 days
to totally wean myself off
from my addiction.
For 3 days,
I battled with my delusions,
till the after effects of Risperdal,
disappeared from my system
totally.
Now, having learnt
that chemically induced calmness
dispels my delusions,
if follows that
if I can self induce
my own calmness,
it will dispel delusions too.
I learnt that,
the moral support
of loved ones,
family and friends
help better than any
available medication.
In the absence of that,
I suppose religion
is a great healer too.
Unfortunately,
I often lacked the faith
to believe in
any organised religion
wholeheartedly at least.
I don't think this affliction
will ever go away
completely.
I've learnt to cope,
by being focussed
mentally
or physically,
such that my mind
will not have a chance
to allow delusions back in.
It is presumptous
to expect
that I will not face any form
of adversity
in life's paths
to cause a recurrance
of my chemical imbalances.
It helps to take life
with equanimity
and a stoic outlook.
I've learnt that for me,
the delusionary trigger
is almost always
fear.
Fear of failure, fear of betrayal.
I am generally successful
in most aspects of life,
my biggest failures
have been my relationship
with women.
And these days,
the delusions will mock, gloat
and laugh hysterically,
at my relationship failures,
undermining
my own perception
of myself,
devastating all
my confidence.
But I've learnt
to exhaust myself physically
by constant activity,
or keep my mind distracted
by reading or any other
activity that demands
total concentration.
But if you have friends
or family,
with this affliction
of Schizophrenia,
and they lack
the capacity or ability
to help themselves,
I would say,
nothing beats
the reassuring environment
that love from friends
and family
can provide.
20070508
1200 HRS MAY 8TH 2007
Karl Marx wrote in 1859,
“The general conclusion at which I arrived and which, once reached, became the guiding principle of my studies can be summarized as follows. In the social production of their existence, men inevitably enter into definite relations, which are independent of their will, namely relations of production appropriate to a given stage in the development of their material forces of production. The totality of these relations of production constitutes the economic structure of society, the real foundation, on which arises a legal and political superstructure and to which correspond definite forms of social consciousness. The mode of production of material life conditions the general process of social, political and intellectual life. It is not the consciousness of men that determines their existence, but their social existence that determines their consciousness.”
Since,
the consciouness of men,
does not determine
our existence
but
our social existence
determines our consciouness,
it follows that
in this capitalist world,
I should be
no more than
a materialist.
Fuck philosophical idealism.
Fuck political idealism.
Fuck social idealism.
Its the economy STUPID!!!
Therefore the size
of your wallet
that measures
a man.
My contemporaries
can intellectualise all they want,
the answer is still
the same.
Human societies
are a hopeless mess.
The global economy
is contingent on
the American economy,
which in turn is
contingent on
just 30 stocks
on the Dow Jones index.
What is wrong
with this picture?
The Americans
understood Life.
Invest in military hardware
Invest in nuclear weapons.
The rest of the world
will bow at your feet
and throw money at you.
“The general conclusion at which I arrived and which, once reached, became the guiding principle of my studies can be summarized as follows. In the social production of their existence, men inevitably enter into definite relations, which are independent of their will, namely relations of production appropriate to a given stage in the development of their material forces of production. The totality of these relations of production constitutes the economic structure of society, the real foundation, on which arises a legal and political superstructure and to which correspond definite forms of social consciousness. The mode of production of material life conditions the general process of social, political and intellectual life. It is not the consciousness of men that determines their existence, but their social existence that determines their consciousness.”
Since,
the consciouness of men,
does not determine
our existence
but
our social existence
determines our consciouness,
it follows that
in this capitalist world,
I should be
no more than
a materialist.
Fuck philosophical idealism.
Fuck political idealism.
Fuck social idealism.
Its the economy STUPID!!!
Therefore the size
of your wallet
that measures
a man.
My contemporaries
can intellectualise all they want,
the answer is still
the same.
Human societies
are a hopeless mess.
The global economy
is contingent on
the American economy,
which in turn is
contingent on
just 30 stocks
on the Dow Jones index.
What is wrong
with this picture?
The Americans
understood Life.
Invest in military hardware
Invest in nuclear weapons.
The rest of the world
will bow at your feet
and throw money at you.
20070507
1005 HRS MAY 7TH 2007
My dearest friend Ms B,
told me that someone
commited suicide
opposite her block,
plunged to his death apparently.
Somehow that kept me awake
all night, thinking.
I've lived 42 years of life,
I probably have about 30 years or so
to go.
I've passed my half way mark
too late for mid life crisis.
What do I do
with my next 30 years?
How do I make it count
after I bungled and blew away
my first 42 years?
Something is happening
and I don't quite know
what it is.
I do know that
I like to be
by myself recently.
I deliberately opt
for activities
that I can only do
by myself.
Like reading,
swimming,
and cycling.
I've reached a point,
where I really hate to say
HELLO.
Because invariably,
once you've said HELLO,
you'll say GOODBYE.
Either Life itself,
drifts people apart
to a GOODBYE,
or Death
forces the GOODBYE.
Saying HELLO
means
a painful parting
at some point
for me.
The onset of Life itself,
at birth,
is a big HELLO,
and death,
the final GOODBYE
told me that someone
commited suicide
opposite her block,
plunged to his death apparently.
Somehow that kept me awake
all night, thinking.
I've lived 42 years of life,
I probably have about 30 years or so
to go.
I've passed my half way mark
too late for mid life crisis.
What do I do
with my next 30 years?
How do I make it count
after I bungled and blew away
my first 42 years?
Something is happening
and I don't quite know
what it is.
I do know that
I like to be
by myself recently.
I deliberately opt
for activities
that I can only do
by myself.
Like reading,
swimming,
and cycling.
I've reached a point,
where I really hate to say
HELLO.
Because invariably,
once you've said HELLO,
you'll say GOODBYE.
Either Life itself,
drifts people apart
to a GOODBYE,
or Death
forces the GOODBYE.
Saying HELLO
means
a painful parting
at some point
for me.
The onset of Life itself,
at birth,
is a big HELLO,
and death,
the final GOODBYE
20070506
1745 HRS MAY 6TH 2007
Last night,
I attended my nephew's wedding.
Amazing part is,
his young bride,
already has a 4 year old son.
She is barely 25
I guess.
Uncle Mack is a grand uncle now.
I can't help but imagine,
the conversation she had
with my grand nephew
this morning.
"Mummy where were you last night?"
"Mummy got you a new Daddy"
"Mummy what is wrong with the old Daddy?
I like the old one better
I don't want a new Daddy"
"Shut up, its not for you to decide!!!"
"Ok, Mummy, but can the old Daddy
still out his kuku bird in your mouth?
He seems to like it alot"
I attended my nephew's wedding.
Amazing part is,
his young bride,
already has a 4 year old son.
She is barely 25
I guess.
Uncle Mack is a grand uncle now.
I can't help but imagine,
the conversation she had
with my grand nephew
this morning.
"Mummy where were you last night?"
"Mummy got you a new Daddy"
"Mummy what is wrong with the old Daddy?
I like the old one better
I don't want a new Daddy"
"Shut up, its not for you to decide!!!"
"Ok, Mummy, but can the old Daddy
still out his kuku bird in your mouth?
He seems to like it alot"
0925 HRS MAY 6TH 2007
I met a couple of
ex-schoolmates
at a wedding last night.
The proudly declared,
RI boys rule Singapore
ACS boys own Singapore
St Pat's boys enjoy Singapore.
I dunno whether to laugh
or cry.
We came from the biggest
loser school in Singapore
ex-schoolmates
at a wedding last night.
The proudly declared,
RI boys rule Singapore
ACS boys own Singapore
St Pat's boys enjoy Singapore.
I dunno whether to laugh
or cry.
We came from the biggest
loser school in Singapore
20070504
1505 HRS MAY 4TH 2007
I find it impossible sometimes
to talk to Singaporeans.
Only in this country,
can people make comparisons
between a country
and a corporation.
Irregardless
of how ridiculous
the comparison is.
I guess the government here
have done such a great job
in its propaganda machine,
comparing ministerial salaries
to the private sector,
people here feel the liberty
to think of this place
as Singapore INC
rather than
Republic of Singapore.
Just how the hell fuck,
do you compare
an employee
to a citizen?
The relationship
between an employee
and a corporation
is purely economics.
An employee
will be employed
as long as he or she
is economically viable
to the corporation.
Likewise, an employee
will remain loyal
to the corporation
so long as the corporation
serves his or her's
economic needs.
The relationship between
a citizen and his or her country
goes beyond economics.
It is about nationalism
it is about nationhood
about sovereignty.
A citizen can put his life
on the line,
by going to war
for his country.
He does not do it
because he is paid
to risk his life.
In doing so,
it is the country and the government
moral duty and responsibility
to take the citizen's best interests
into account and priority
for all their government's policy makings.
As an employee,
I serve my corporation
because of money.
As a citizen,
I serve my country
because this is my land,
these are my people.
As an employee,
if I am unhappy
with my bosses,
I take my skills
to a rival corporation.
As a citizen,
if I am unhappy
with my government,
it is my right,
to demand changes,
because polices must
be for the overall good
of citizens
and not just an elite group
of politicians
or skewed towards
rich foreigners
who have no vested interests
in this country.
I just don't see how
a patriotic relationship
can be translated
into an economic relationship.
Only in this country
I guess.
to talk to Singaporeans.
Only in this country,
can people make comparisons
between a country
and a corporation.
Irregardless
of how ridiculous
the comparison is.
I guess the government here
have done such a great job
in its propaganda machine,
comparing ministerial salaries
to the private sector,
people here feel the liberty
to think of this place
as Singapore INC
rather than
Republic of Singapore.
Just how the hell fuck,
do you compare
an employee
to a citizen?
The relationship
between an employee
and a corporation
is purely economics.
An employee
will be employed
as long as he or she
is economically viable
to the corporation.
Likewise, an employee
will remain loyal
to the corporation
so long as the corporation
serves his or her's
economic needs.
The relationship between
a citizen and his or her country
goes beyond economics.
It is about nationalism
it is about nationhood
about sovereignty.
A citizen can put his life
on the line,
by going to war
for his country.
He does not do it
because he is paid
to risk his life.
In doing so,
it is the country and the government
moral duty and responsibility
to take the citizen's best interests
into account and priority
for all their government's policy makings.
As an employee,
I serve my corporation
because of money.
As a citizen,
I serve my country
because this is my land,
these are my people.
As an employee,
if I am unhappy
with my bosses,
I take my skills
to a rival corporation.
As a citizen,
if I am unhappy
with my government,
it is my right,
to demand changes,
because polices must
be for the overall good
of citizens
and not just an elite group
of politicians
or skewed towards
rich foreigners
who have no vested interests
in this country.
I just don't see how
a patriotic relationship
can be translated
into an economic relationship.
Only in this country
I guess.
20070503
1700 HRS MAY 3RD 2007
Its strange,
after all that has been
said and done,
all that has been spoken,
the feeling just
isn't right.
I still go through
the night,
tracing our footsteps
from the beginning
until they disappeared
into thin air,
wondering how
our lives
led us there.
empty house,
empty bed,
empty life,
empty.
Words just come easily
to me.
But my words can't
quite describe
the feelings
when you first kissed me
because you thought
I was asleep.
How sincere
I thought you were.
I now wonder
what I loved in you,
and wonder
what you loved in me.
Maybe you just loved
someone else
you were hoping me
to be.
Just how long,
have I been drifting
in your life,
just how long
have I been dreaming
I could get this right.
Even if I tried
with all my might
to be the one
you actually love.
How could it be
any surprise
when you walked out
of my door
for the last time.
Just an empty surprise,
empty.
after all that has been
said and done,
all that has been spoken,
the feeling just
isn't right.
I still go through
the night,
tracing our footsteps
from the beginning
until they disappeared
into thin air,
wondering how
our lives
led us there.
empty house,
empty bed,
empty life,
empty.
Words just come easily
to me.
But my words can't
quite describe
the feelings
when you first kissed me
because you thought
I was asleep.
How sincere
I thought you were.
I now wonder
what I loved in you,
and wonder
what you loved in me.
Maybe you just loved
someone else
you were hoping me
to be.
Just how long,
have I been drifting
in your life,
just how long
have I been dreaming
I could get this right.
Even if I tried
with all my might
to be the one
you actually love.
How could it be
any surprise
when you walked out
of my door
for the last time.
Just an empty surprise,
empty.
1040 HRS May 3RD 2007
Let's stop bullshitting ourselves.
Ours was not
a relationship.
It was no more
than an extended 4 year long
domestic partnership
No more than just
a sleeping arrangement.
Don't you even dare
call me
an ex-boyfriend.
I think of you
as merely a former
fuck buddy
and not very good either.
You treated me
like a lump
of dried out dogshit.
Don't insult the word
Love.
When a woman says
she loves me,
I expect both
her words
and actions
to reflect that love.
On both counts
you failed.
All my life,
I never had a girlfriend,
who did not bother to call
me on my birthday.
Let alone
a birthday gift.
Last Christmas,
I bought you
an LV.
Shortly after,
on your 30th birthday,
I bought you
a Tiffany.
I had them couriered
to Jakarta.
You did not even
have the common courtesy
to call and acknowledge receipt
let alone say thanks.
I was so damn worried
that the shipment
got lost.
It took you 3 days
to answer an sms
from me.
Don't try to ease
your conscience
that you did not leave me
for another man.
You knew this guy
been pursuing you
for months,
you merely kept me
hanging on.
And used rude behaviour
to force me
into a decision.
There is no difference
between leaving me
for another man,
or leaving me
with the intention
of finding another man.
Just get the fuck
and stay the fuck
out of my life.
Ours was not
a relationship.
It was no more
than an extended 4 year long
domestic partnership
No more than just
a sleeping arrangement.
Don't you even dare
call me
an ex-boyfriend.
I think of you
as merely a former
fuck buddy
and not very good either.
You treated me
like a lump
of dried out dogshit.
Don't insult the word
Love.
When a woman says
she loves me,
I expect both
her words
and actions
to reflect that love.
On both counts
you failed.
All my life,
I never had a girlfriend,
who did not bother to call
me on my birthday.
Let alone
a birthday gift.
Last Christmas,
I bought you
an LV.
Shortly after,
on your 30th birthday,
I bought you
a Tiffany.
I had them couriered
to Jakarta.
You did not even
have the common courtesy
to call and acknowledge receipt
let alone say thanks.
I was so damn worried
that the shipment
got lost.
It took you 3 days
to answer an sms
from me.
Don't try to ease
your conscience
that you did not leave me
for another man.
You knew this guy
been pursuing you
for months,
you merely kept me
hanging on.
And used rude behaviour
to force me
into a decision.
There is no difference
between leaving me
for another man,
or leaving me
with the intention
of finding another man.
Just get the fuck
and stay the fuck
out of my life.
20070502
1625 HRS MAY 2ND 2007
Javier Mascherano,
you're a monster.
You were fucking immense
last night.
You broke up their game,
shackled their runs,
tackled their legs,
and yet found time
to launch quick
counter-attacks.
Your crossfield passes
to the wings,
were a joy
to behold.
You had a yellow card
which would have
ruled you out
of the Final,
but you never cared.
You flew in
with your well timed
tackles
and perfect interceptions.
You just had to
do your job last night,
to hell with the Final,
let someone else
do the job.
You fucking rule
you little Argentinian warlord,
I love you to bits.
If it was up to me,
I would have given you
the Falkland Islands,
without a fight.
Thanks for adding on,
to the greatest nights
of my life.
you're a monster.
You were fucking immense
last night.
You broke up their game,
shackled their runs,
tackled their legs,
and yet found time
to launch quick
counter-attacks.
Your crossfield passes
to the wings,
were a joy
to behold.
You had a yellow card
which would have
ruled you out
of the Final,
but you never cared.
You flew in
with your well timed
tackles
and perfect interceptions.
You just had to
do your job last night,
to hell with the Final,
let someone else
do the job.
You fucking rule
you little Argentinian warlord,
I love you to bits.
If it was up to me,
I would have given you
the Falkland Islands,
without a fight.
Thanks for adding on,
to the greatest nights
of my life.
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