1640 HRS JUNE 29TH 2007

Its funny

but I keep hearing

feminazi remarks like

"Men cannot remain faithful"

If that is truly so,

I wonder who have men

been unfaithful with?

If not women,

we men must have been

busy fucking

amongst ourselves!!!

Assuming we can

quantify the sex drive

of human males

and human females,

and we aggregate

the sum total

of human sex drive,

subtracting commercial sex

and criminal sex,

then the nett sex drives

of human males

and human females

will be about zero

in consenting sex.

If it is true that men

cannot remain faithful,

which therefore implies

that male sex drive

is vastly more

than female sex drive,

it would mean

that men in general

will be grossly undersexed

and women in general

will be grossly oversexed.

Because,

if we assume

men cannot remain faithful,

and female sex drive to be lower,

the residue in this equation

would be

some women

fucking every single thing

that moves in pants!!!

1300 HRS JUNE27TH 2007

What's this big deal

about commiting suicide anyway?

Just what is so good

about staying alive?

Why live,

when we can die?

Life consists of

joys and pains.

Given any joy

we soon get bored.

Pain never ever

turns into boredom.

Just why should

Life be so sacred?

Why is it against

any social or religious laws

to terminate one's own life

volunatarily?

Why preach to me

about freedom of

an individual,

yet he is bound

by the society he belongs,

by the institution he belongs,

by the religion he belongs.

Ironically,

his life does not belong

to himself.

I doubt animals

are capable of

entertaining

suicide thoughts.

So I gather

commiting suicide

is being

a higher life form,

and rightfully

the best and unique

human choice

of death

1045HRS JUNE 26TH 2007

Strange how people talk about

living to a ripe old age.

Seems like when one reaches

a ripe old age,

one is progressively useless

to his friends and family,

he wastes the time of others

he wastes his own time

awaiting death.

He becomes a stranger

to those around him

and to himself

no longer the man

he used to be.

All potential possibilities

in Life

are totally exhausted

and now rendered

impossible.

He makes way

and steps aside

as society charges ahead

of him,

no longer able to cope

with new developments

in technology

and changing values

in society.

I think,

death comes to us

alot earlier

than death itself.

I think there reaches a time

when everyone of us

feels death

already in us

well before we

actually die.

Thus it seems to me,

a ripe old age

for dying

is proabably around

43

1110 HRS JUNE 24TH 2007

Had a talk

with the doctor yesterday.

He made it clear,

that Dad will NOT

be put on life support machines,

even if he needs it,

to stay alive.

It is simply hospital policy

in this country,

that if in clinical opinion,

that the patient cannot recover

from the life support system,

they will not put him in.

Dementia patients

almost always get pneumonia

and they die

of asphyxia.

If the DNR form was not signed,

the hospital will be compelled

to give maximum ward attention,

to my Dad,

which is what

I demanded.

Why then the DNR form?

Maximum ward attention

as opposed to what?

To give minimal or no attention

when an elderly patient

is asphyxiated?

Speaking of life support systems,

why are doctors here

even making clinical opinions

that a patient cannot recover

from the machine,

without even trying?

It would make alot of difference

to me,

if my Dad was put

on life support system,

for months,

and I could see

for myself,

that he was degenerating

further

into a vegetable,

and that he could never

live a normal human life

again.

1905 HRS JUNE 23RD 2007

I just came back

visiting my Dad

at the hospital.

Apparently,

the family have to sign,

a "Do Not Resuscitate" form.

Should medical opinion

decide that

there is little chance

of recovery,

the family can permission

the doctors,

to let him die

peacefully.

Just what kind

of animal slaughterers

are they turning

into medical doctors

these days?

I thought their job

is to save lives

within all medical means,

and not let people die!!!

These fuckers

belong to a pig farm,

and not a hospital!!!

I WILL NOT PLAY GOD.

It is God's decision

to take away lives,

I will never make

that decision,

least of all

on my father's life.

I am given a choice now,

to either keep my father alive,

no matter how remote

his eventual chances are,

no matter if I am

just postponing

the inevitable death

or

letting my father die.

I WILL NOT PLAY GOD.

I don't care

about financial considerations,

I will sell my body parts

to raise money

but I will not

be the one to decide

to kill my own father.

If there is a God,

on Judgement Day,

I will stand before Him

and let it be known,

that I did all I can

to prolong

my father's life

and pray for a miracle.

I will not be the one

to take the easy

and cheap option

and convieniently

let my father die.

If it is in divine will,

that I bankrupt myself

to do the right thing

for my father,

its the cross

that I have to bear.

If the hospital is compelled

to make a decision

so that medical resources

can be given to others,

let this government be judged

for increasing the population

with no corresponding increase

in medical infrastructure.

To add insult,

to this injury,

both my sister and

even my mother,

thought I was crazy.

How can we be

from the same biological family

and have such radically

opposing views?

I should take a DNA test

to be sure.

That fucking sister of mine,

actually insisted on

"Do Not Resusitate" consent

even before the doctors

raised the issue!!!

Its like she cannot wait

for Dad to die!!!

1215 HRS JUNE 20TH 2007

"I disapprove

of what you said,

but I will defend

to the death

your right

to say it"

Voltaire, french philosopher.

All my years as

a rebellious teenager

and an angry young man,

I fought for

freedom of speech.

I believed

freedom of expression

is a

basic human right.

It is still a value

that I cherish.

However,

on a personal level,

I sometimes think

that freedom of expression

should be curbed.

I respect that you should

speak your mind,

but not without reservation.

Ask yourself first,

will what you say,

have a positive impact?

Does it edify

the soul?

Does it stimulate

the intellect?

Does it improve

the congenial environment

between friends?

Just what did you set

yourself out to achieve

when you said

what you just said?

Were you hoping,

for a change

for the better?

Or was it

just a malicious spite

out of underlying hostility.

1055 HRS JUNE 19TH 2007

I've been doing a little

of introspection,

for some reason

for the first time

in a long time

18 years to be exact,

I am actually truly

enjoying singlehood.

Not so much

that I am bent on

being a life long bachelor.

I'm just dead tired

of giving my all

to a woman.

And it is always

not good enough.

Not that I want

to evade

the responsibilities

of protecting

and providing

for a family,

I actually think

that it makes living

meaningful and worthwhile,

I'm just beginning to conclude

that most women

I meet

are not worth marrying

anyway.

Its not that I am searching

for a Zhang ZiYi

to marry,

just that I am surrounded

by money grabbing gold digging bitches,

or angmor cock sucking sluts,

or plainly uninteresting.

Not that I do not want

to share my life

and all that I worked for

with a woman,

just that I find

modern women's emphasis

on love and chemistry

a fantasy derived directly

from girly romantic novels.

Such love,

which I interprete as passion,

and chemistry,

lasts a few minutes

to a few months,

hardly years

or a life time.

I rather they look for

intelligence,

strong set of value systems,

apptitude, attitude, respect,

loving kindness,

attributes that can secure

a life long partnership

and commitment

for a family life

to flourish.

Given our local

Women's Charter

and the quality of women

I meet,

I can't help but think of

bachelorhood

as Liberation for Men.

2310 HRS JUNE 18TH 2007

I've found a new hobby.

Drift Drive Racing

right here in Swingabore.

300 horse power

the rev of turbines

the torque of turbochargers

roar of engines

screeching brakes

burning rubber and asphalt

killer machines tearing down

the track,

man and his machine

in precision overdrive.

I fell in love.

Sonofabitch,

I've wasted all my life.

Thats the way

cars should be driven.

Thats the way

I'm gonna drive my car.

They should teach that

in driving school,

the roads will be a

much safer place

if everyone handles a car

like a stunt driver.

1630 HRS JUNE 16TH 2007

I don't know

what is it about this place

Swingabore.

Somehow,

people have a tendency

to believe everything

they read.

There is simply no respect

for the alternative view.

I suspect

because of

the authoritarian rule

of the government,

it has created this society

where the official line

is forcefully dictated,

exorted and executed.

No differential opinion

is tolerated.

Never a gentlemen's attitude

of agreeing

to disagree.

Even worse than

not tolerating

alternative view,

there is always this tendency

of put downs,

of one uppance,

of brinksmanship.

Singaporeans are

simply unable

to express their views

without putting others down.

It is simply impossible,

to talk without

resorting to insults

and name calling

and issuing ultimatums.

Sometimes even

blackmails,

often emotional.

Guess the old man

created this society

where its either my way

or the by way.

People don't realise,

that by resorting to

put downs and insults,

you really don't

prove your point,

but merely serve

to illustrate

your own inadequacies

and not having

the maturity

to embrace

the diversity

of thought

the human race

have to provide

1110 HRS JUNE 15TH 2007

This Sunday is Father's Day.

I wrote this blog

3 years ago,

circa 1115 HRS JUNE 21ST 2004.

I still feel the same way,

so thought,

I'll just cut and paste.

I may not be lucky enough

to experience

fatherhood,

but in my mind,

this is the father,

I want to be

if ever given

a chance,

although I

seriously doubt now.

Anyone can be a father.

but it takes a real man,

to be a Daddy.

People do fall out of love.

I know how it feels.

But even if I stop

loving a woman as my wife,

I will never stop

loving her as mother

of my children.

Children maybe

a product of screwing.

But they ain't lightbulbs

that you can unscrew.

The marriage may be over.

But though you stopped

being a husband,

you cannot stop

being a father.

And being a fantasy Dad

isn't a solution.

A fantasy Dad

is one

who sees the kids

once a week

and spoils them rotten

lavish them

with gifts.

A Daddy is one

who imparts

a sense of value system

in the child.

He is a good disciplinarian,

but allows the kids

to make mistakes,

learn from them,

most importantly,

apply lessons learnt.

He teaches the kids

survival skills in Life,

make them appreciate things they have,

and never take things

for granted.

He leads as a male role model,

by example.

He extracts

the best

out of them.

Maximises

their potential.

He protects them

even by putting his own safety

on the line

to keep them safe.

He sacrifices

his personal happiness

for them.

The Greatest Quality

of A Father's love

is

UNCONDITIONAL

1315 HRS JUNE 14TH 2007

Respect is such a cornerstone

in any human relationship.

I've been observing

my American friend Mr P

and his Thai wife Khun W.

Mr P never ever gives up

any opportunity

to have a go,

at the Thais,

making derogatory remarks

about Thai people,

Thai culture,

Thai religion,

Thai politics,

Thai economics.

I wonder what

do they see

in each other

in the first place?

If you cannot love

a person's culture,

how could you love

that person?

I'd like to marry someone

whom I both respect and admire.

How do you marry someone

whose race you actually dispise?

If you dispise

the way your wife

was brought up

in her family,

how could you want

your daughter

to be brought up

by your wife?

And just what

did she see in him?

Did she respect him

because of his BMW?

How did that happen?

I respect someone

for his intelligence,

kindness,

strong moral values,

dignity and integrity.

Can I respect him

because of his BMW?

Even more perplexing,

are people who are ashamed

of their own race.

If you don't know

where you came from,

how can you know

where you're going to?

Can you respect and admire

a person who

thinks your people

are stupid?

Even if you agree with him?

I like to feel calm,

peaceful and relaxed

when I am with

the woman I love.

How do I feel calm,

peaceful and relaxed

with her

if she dispises

my family?

1015 HRS JUNE 13TH 2007

These days

when I think back

of the 3 major relationships

in my life,

I am no longer saddled

with sadness nor guilt.

If anything, relief.

It wasn't easy,

for 18 years,

I tried so hard

to please,

I tried so hard

to seek their approval,

I tried so hard

to win their love.

Now I've grown old,

my heart is old,

and cold.

From now on,

I make no apologies.

I am living for myself,

I am the only person

I seek to please.

I want nobody else's approval

but my very own.

Yes, I will be lonely at times,

but neither loneliness

nor solitude

is gonna hurt me.

I've sacrificed my life

all these years

to get lies, lies and more lies.

Not one of them

is honest.

Just lies,

pretty lies

from pretty faces.

No more,

I'm gonna find my way.

Even if I get lost,

its still my own way.

I've always enjoyed sharing

I've always enjoyed giving.

Now, I wanna feel

how's it like

to keep everything

for myself.

I'm stepping out

of the shadows

of my life,

into the pouring rain.

And I'm gonna run

like I never ran before.

Because henceforth,

I'd run alone.

2215 HRS JUNE 11TH 2007

I just got back

from my facial appointment.

God, she is ever so gorgeous.

those crescent shaped eyes

seem to smile at me.

And the dark browns of her eyes,

I swear I can drown in them.

That little crooked bridge

on her nose,

I wonder what is it like

to run my finger gently

across it.

Ah, and that translucent

pinkish glow of her cheeks

set against

the creamy white skin

only a chinese girl can have.

And that almost girlish quality

of that little voice.

Just what does it take,

oh God, what does it take,

to win her heart

and make her mine?

There's got to be a way,

I'm sure.

there's just got to be

a way.

Or is all this even worth

the while

and not another sad chapter

in my life?

If only life comes

with an owner's manual

what to do

in situations like these.

1520 HRS JUNE 11TH 2007

7 years ago,

when I first lost my marriage,

a well meaning friend Ms L

introduced her god sister to me Ms Z.

It was at a time,

when my confidence

was severely shattered,

my sense of self worth

totally devastated,

my self esteem

almost non-existent.

I was trying to

come to terms

that the woman I loved

and married for 11 years

betrayed and abandoned me.

I yearned for acceptance

and needed someone

in my life quickly.

Ms Z is a single mother

who was still legally married

but separated then.

We all had drinks

at Harbour Front,

facing the water.

When Ms L stepped out

to the ladies,

I was alone with Ms Z.

She asked me,

"Mack, can you do me a favour?"

I said,

"Sure"

She said,

"Can I kiss you?"

I was totally stunned,

and did not know

how to react.

Other than utter

a lame "yes"

Next thing I knew,

she embraced me

and buried her tongue

deep into my mouth.

If there is anything

that really disgusts me,

is a really deep

down my throat

kind of wet kiss.

I can't even describe

how much I hate it.

I've always rathered,

a light kiss

to the lip,

or playful tonguing

outside the mouth.

I don't think

I am a particularly good kisser

but I like them gentle.

The only thing nice

about it,

was suddenly,

I felt attractive again

and it was certainly a boost

to my overall

well being.

She said thereafter,

"I do not want you

to think about the future,

I do not want you

to think about anything.

I just want you

to enjoy the moment"

So I thought,

thats the rule

of this game.

So I did.

We were going out

like young lovers,

kissing in public

and fucking at home

like horn dogs.

On one weekend,

we went out to sea

on my boat.

It was basically

a fug fest.

Not that good either.

But for the lack

of better descriptions,

I was feeling

like a man

again.

Until the evening,

when I was piloting my boat

into the marina,

her son called.

He was screaming so loudly,

NI PIAN WO DE!!!

NI PIAN WO DE!!!

I could hear the kid

crying his eyeballs out.

Ms Z explained calmly,

Mummy mei you pian ni,

Mummy gong zuo hen mang.

Upon hearing that,

something died inside me.

Busy working?

At what?

Fucking Uncle Mack's brains out???

I was totally repulsed.

Not that I saw the kid

as an obstacle,

I love kids too much for that.

I just do not want to

associate myself

with a mother like this.

Not even for casual sex.

Suddenly, the sight of her

was revolting,

the thought of her naked body

completely repugnant.

She became

as sexually attractive

to me as

a fatal road accident.

The whole plot unfolded

a few days later,

when I met her for dinner

and told her

that I do not want

a relationship,

and that I was not

prepared for one,

so soon after

my separation.

She asked me if

she can borrow $30k.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

She must have thought

she was the fuck

of the century.

Either that or she thought

I was the Unfuckable

of the century

and $30k was the price

for fucking the unfuckable.

Of course I weaselled

out of it,

with my wallet intact.

7 years later

over the weekend,

suddenly this X-rated episode,

was brought up

by Ms L.

She screamed at me,

releasing 7 years

of repressed silence,

that because of me,

her god sister

have not spoken to her

for 7 years.

It somehow became Ms L's duty

to ensure that I married

her god sister.

As much as I felt sorry

for Ms L

as she lost a god sister,

I did not find it funny

Ms Z made her god sister

a victim

and made me

a criminal.

I'm glad that

the friendship between

Ms L and I

is bigger than that.

The moral of this

story is

just go to a hooker

for sex,

nobody gets hurt

or screamed at.

No hidden agendas,

just fuck

and forget.

Unless you look like

Justin Timberlake,

women remove their clothes

with a business plan in mind.

Her pile of clothes

by your bedside,

will soon enough

be a pile of shit

1425 HRS JUNE 8TH 2007

We all have our needs and wants.

Emotional needs,

physical needs,

spiritual needs,

sexual needs,

financial needs,

intellectual needs

social needs.

I think that

when a man takes a woman

as his wife,

he is duly responsible

and obligated

to meet ALL his wife's needs.

And conversely,

I expect my woman

to meet ALL my needs

as well.

It used to be simplier.

All a woman wants

is to feel like

she is the centre

of my life.

Easier than easy.

Now women seems

to want to feel

like they're the luckiest girl

in the world,

or at least

luckier than her girlfriends.

When comparison comes in,

people's needs and wants

are no longer fixed

but in a constant state

of flux.

Trying to meet her

needs and wants,

is like trying to chase

a constantly moving

and accelerating target.

Honestly,

I'm beginning to think

going to bed

under the quilt cover

with a blood sucking mosquito

is less annoying.

1645 HRS JUNE 7TH 2207

Now that we're gone

our separate ways,

its been 3 months

I remember

when you walked out

of our door

one last time.

We now walk

our different lives

as we erased

the last four years.

Our time has

come and gone,

our story has ended.

We cannot turn back

the pages

of our book,

we cannot turn back

the hands

of our time

together.

The times we laughed

the times we cried

are no more

than painless scars

we carry

in our hearts.

The only thing

that is left of us,

painless scars.

The things

we've done together,

the places

we went.

We cannot relive

the days of our lives.

No more than just

useless memories.,

holding me back

from moving on.

We were wrong

from the very start,

I was too stubborn

to concede that.

We were just not meant

to be.

Happy as we once were.

Maybe its just

the time that was wrong.

Maybe in another life

another time,

when I can dress

you in diamonds

and bathe you

in perfumes.

Now all I do,

is miss you

and the way

we used to be.

Maybe some day

on a quiet moment,

you'd see me again

in the peace

of your mind,

and wonder

what could have been

if you were here instead.

1330 HRS JUNE 6TH 2007

I always like to ask people,

what do they see

in their partners.

Somehow

the standard answer is

We got chemistry.

In my mind,

I'd think,

you're just horny

thats all.

How about some

unimportant aspects like,

Is he a kind person?

Does he gives more than he takes?

Does he treat others well?

Is he a principled person?

What sort of moral values does he hold?

Does he believe in always

doing the right thing?

Is he a responsible person?

Can you depend on him?

Is he trustworthy?

Does he get pleasure out of

lying and cheating others?

Can you think of him

as father of your children?

Do you want your son

to grow up and be

like him?

1000 HRS JUNE 6TH 2007

There is an old saying,

women marry

hoping that their men

will change,

men marry

hoping that their women

will never change.

This is so fucked up.

People always change,

and almost always

for the worse.

Change for the better

goes against

human nature.

For such a paradigm shift

to occur,

it normally happens

under the duress

of a major traumatic event,

like divorce

or major illness

or death in the family.

Don't ever marry

a potential to change

for the better.

If you don't like

a person's spirituality,

or character

or personal hygiene

or financial networth,

don't even hope

for the better

after marriage,

it usually

gets only worse.

People change,

I like to believe

that when you love someone,

you love through changes

that invariably occur

through the years,

for better or worse.

It is tragic,

in this day and age,

when married couples

need a dual income

to sustain family expenses,

people start excelling

in their careers,

start meeting

more interesting people,

start feeling confident

and sure about

themselves,

they begin to think

they're too good

for their partners.

They say

they outgrew

their partners.

I'd say

they merely

compared

their partners

with others.

And they leave their marriages

with the clear conscience

that they did not betray

or were unfaithful.

I really don't see

the difference

between leaving your partner

for someone else

or leaving your partner

with the intention

to find someone else.

Abandonment

by itself

is a betrayal

of trust.