And so this is
yet another
Christmas.
Another year over
another year older.
As I rue
about how
I am going
to spend Christmas Eve
all by myself
over a bottle
of wine
alone.
Maybe the problem
is me.
Maybe
I expect
too much
and invariably
get dissappointed.
Maybe
its because
I wanted you
to be
like me.
Maybe
its because
I would never
do the things
you do
to someone
I love.
Maybe
its because
I would never
say the things
you say
to someone
I love.
Maybe I am
just like Pygmalion
in the Greek legend.
Pygmalion found
women
way too
imperfect,
he decided
to create
his perfect woman.
He took a marble slab
and laboured on it
for months.
Carving here,
smoothing there,
rounding here,
chipping there.
Working till
he created
his perfect
feminine form
embodying grace
and virtue.
The statue he created
was exquisite.
So perfect indeed,
that Pygmalion
fell in passionate love
with his creation.
He would be seen
kissing the statue,
talking to the statue,
fingering its
marble hands.
But in spite
of his work's perfection,
Pygmalion was
desparately unhappy.
For the lifeless statue
could not respond
to his desires,
the cold stone
could not return
the warmth
of his love.
He has set out
to create
his perfect woman
but only succeeded
in creating
his own frustration
and despair.
Maybe I'm like
Pygmalion.
Maybe I tried
too hard
to mould you
into my idea
of a perfect woman,
and only succeeded
to be frustrated
and bitter.
Maybe if you actually
became more
like what
I wanted
of you,
it would rob you
of your life's spirit,
your distinctiveness.
Maybe I should just
accept you
for what you are.
Maybe I should just
accept that
you're just a
very abusive person.
Physically abusive
Emotionally abusive
Spiritually abusive
Intellectually abusive.
Maybe I should just
accept all that
like a man.
Maybe I should
accept that
you will never
be wholly mine,
and I have to share
you with other guys.
Maybe my fucking problem
is I think too much
20051222
20051216
2350 hrs December 16th 2005
No,
its not true
that I have
an attitude problem.
Its you.
You have a fucking
perception problem
its not true
that I have
an attitude problem.
Its you.
You have a fucking
perception problem
1235 hrs December 16th 2005
I've given up
arguing with you.
Arguing with you,
is like running
in the Special Olympics.
Even if I win
the race,
I will still feel
fucking retarded.
arguing with you.
Arguing with you,
is like running
in the Special Olympics.
Even if I win
the race,
I will still feel
fucking retarded.
20051212
1940 hrs December 12th 2005
How do you catch Chelsea?
Easy,
you dig a huge hole
on the football field.
Cover the hole up
with long twigs
and place carpet grass
over the twigs,
no one can see,
the hole.
Next you get a referee
to stand at the edge
of the covered hole,
and he blows
a foul,
against Chelsea.
Soon, you will have
10 Chelsea players
running in protest
towards the referee,
and fall
into the big hole.
I call this
out of the hole
thinking.
Easy,
you dig a huge hole
on the football field.
Cover the hole up
with long twigs
and place carpet grass
over the twigs,
no one can see,
the hole.
Next you get a referee
to stand at the edge
of the covered hole,
and he blows
a foul,
against Chelsea.
Soon, you will have
10 Chelsea players
running in protest
towards the referee,
and fall
into the big hole.
I call this
out of the hole
thinking.
1745 hrs December 12th 2005
You're an even more pathetic thing.
Even Planet Lemon
can't find something
so bitter.
If you were a man,
you would be a tramp,
hanging out
at children's playgrounds,
going to young girls,
and flashing
your flaccid penis
at them.
Even Planet Lemon
can't find something
so bitter.
If you were a man,
you would be a tramp,
hanging out
at children's playgrounds,
going to young girls,
and flashing
your flaccid penis
at them.
20051211
1130 hrs December 11th 2005
You poor pathetic thing.
You're a bitter lemon
floating on the Lemon Sea
with other bitter lemons
from Planet Lemon.
Lighten up will you?
Learn to laugh a little
and life gets fun.
You take yourself
too seriously.
Give yourself
a new meaning
in life,
and work towards it.
I'm working on
bending my back
so much,
I'll be able
to give myself
a blowjob.
Am still working
on it.
Some Christian author
calls it
A Purpose Driven Life
You're a bitter lemon
floating on the Lemon Sea
with other bitter lemons
from Planet Lemon.
Lighten up will you?
Learn to laugh a little
and life gets fun.
You take yourself
too seriously.
Give yourself
a new meaning
in life,
and work towards it.
I'm working on
bending my back
so much,
I'll be able
to give myself
a blowjob.
Am still working
on it.
Some Christian author
calls it
A Purpose Driven Life
20051207
1400 hrs December 7th 2005
It is simply not true
that guns
kill people.
Nope, its not true
that people
kill people either.
Its bullets
that kill people.
that guns
kill people.
Nope, its not true
that people
kill people either.
Its bullets
that kill people.
20051205
1120 hrs December 5th 2005
What would you do for Jesus Christ?
Hmmmmmm.....
OK, I'll put him at centre forward,
and play Peter Crouch behind him.
I watched Saturday's game closely,
and concluded Rafa Benitez
is a Messiah.
He maximised Hyypia's
positional play
and heading abilities,
minimized his lack of pace
at the centre of defense,
by have Carragher
on his left,
and Finnan
on his right.
Rock solid defense,
guys playing their hearts out
for each other.
Warnock to provide
additional cover,
or Riise and Finnan
attacking wingbacks.
In midfield,
we have Sissoko and Hamann,
playing defensive midfield,
cutting out attacks early,
so the back 4,
can defend much higher
up the field,
employing offside traps
to perfection.
Alonso and Gerrard,
versatile attacking midfielders
and yet comes back to help
in defense.
Kewell, Garcia, Zenden
providing width at the
attacking flanks,
Crouch, Morientes, Cisse
up front.
Yes, Jesus would be good
at centre forward.
Hmmmmmm.....
OK, I'll put him at centre forward,
and play Peter Crouch behind him.
I watched Saturday's game closely,
and concluded Rafa Benitez
is a Messiah.
He maximised Hyypia's
positional play
and heading abilities,
minimized his lack of pace
at the centre of defense,
by have Carragher
on his left,
and Finnan
on his right.
Rock solid defense,
guys playing their hearts out
for each other.
Warnock to provide
additional cover,
or Riise and Finnan
attacking wingbacks.
In midfield,
we have Sissoko and Hamann,
playing defensive midfield,
cutting out attacks early,
so the back 4,
can defend much higher
up the field,
employing offside traps
to perfection.
Alonso and Gerrard,
versatile attacking midfielders
and yet comes back to help
in defense.
Kewell, Garcia, Zenden
providing width at the
attacking flanks,
Crouch, Morientes, Cisse
up front.
Yes, Jesus would be good
at centre forward.
20051202
0850 hrs December 2nd 2005
Dear Mr Prime Minister,
you just killed
that young Australian
for drug trafficking.
You know, prime minister sir,
you so happened
to be born
into a powerful
billionaire ruling family.
If you were 22,
grew up
in a Thai refugee camp,
beaten up by an
unloving step father,
and your family
is desparately deep
in debt,
I am really not sure
you will do better
than young Nguyen.
It was his first ever trip
outside Australia,
what are the chances,
of him knowing
of Singapore'e death penalty?
All he could see,
was quick money,
to solve his family problems.
Mr Prime Minister Sir,
you were born fortunate,
but you displayed
completely no compassion
for the unfortunate.
Mr Prime Minister,
you bastard.
God have mercy
on your stinking soul.
you just killed
that young Australian
for drug trafficking.
You know, prime minister sir,
you so happened
to be born
into a powerful
billionaire ruling family.
If you were 22,
grew up
in a Thai refugee camp,
beaten up by an
unloving step father,
and your family
is desparately deep
in debt,
I am really not sure
you will do better
than young Nguyen.
It was his first ever trip
outside Australia,
what are the chances,
of him knowing
of Singapore'e death penalty?
All he could see,
was quick money,
to solve his family problems.
Mr Prime Minister Sir,
you were born fortunate,
but you displayed
completely no compassion
for the unfortunate.
Mr Prime Minister,
you bastard.
God have mercy
on your stinking soul.
20051201
1320 hrs December 1st 2005
NKF income statement for 2004
is on TODAY paper.
Shocking crime.
Let's examine it
a little closer.
Staff costs $32.7 million
Donations $73.6 million
These guys take 45%
of other people's generosity
and stuff it
in their pockets.
Other costs $9.6 million
Hey, you gotta do better
than that?
$9.6 million blown away
is 13%
of other people's generosity.
You simply can't
write it off
as "other costs".
Even churches,
take only 10%
of other people's money.
Oh I guess
that is where
the golden tap
and first class tickets
come from.
Dialysis costs $13.4 million
Dialysis income $24.2 million
You fuckers!!!
You made money
from sick people,
and still ask
for donations???
Total fund raising cost $21.6 million
Donations $73.6 million
You spend 30% of donations,
to get donations?
Must your fund raising
be so fucking lavish
involving TV stars?
Admin costs @11.3 million
Shit!!!
Are their computer keyboards
gold plated too?
The bottom line is,
this is a fucking crime.
And if they're no
punitive measures taken,
it only means
the government
is a partner
in crime too.
is on TODAY paper.
Shocking crime.
Let's examine it
a little closer.
Staff costs $32.7 million
Donations $73.6 million
These guys take 45%
of other people's generosity
and stuff it
in their pockets.
Other costs $9.6 million
Hey, you gotta do better
than that?
$9.6 million blown away
is 13%
of other people's generosity.
You simply can't
write it off
as "other costs".
Even churches,
take only 10%
of other people's money.
Oh I guess
that is where
the golden tap
and first class tickets
come from.
Dialysis costs $13.4 million
Dialysis income $24.2 million
You fuckers!!!
You made money
from sick people,
and still ask
for donations???
Total fund raising cost $21.6 million
Donations $73.6 million
You spend 30% of donations,
to get donations?
Must your fund raising
be so fucking lavish
involving TV stars?
Admin costs @11.3 million
Shit!!!
Are their computer keyboards
gold plated too?
The bottom line is,
this is a fucking crime.
And if they're no
punitive measures taken,
it only means
the government
is a partner
in crime too.
20051130
1545 hrs November 30th 2005
Boy do I hate feminists.
I am totally convinced
the feminist agenda
have absolutely nothing
to do with equal rights
or empowerment
for women.
It is all about
promoting socialism,
anti-family,
anti-God,
anti-social order.
They encourage women
to leave their husbands,
kill their children,
turn to witchcraft,
and become
balls busting
lesbians
I am totally convinced
the feminist agenda
have absolutely nothing
to do with equal rights
or empowerment
for women.
It is all about
promoting socialism,
anti-family,
anti-God,
anti-social order.
They encourage women
to leave their husbands,
kill their children,
turn to witchcraft,
and become
balls busting
lesbians
1400 hrs November 30th 2005
Sidney Jones
of International Crisis Group
was refused entry
to Indonesia.
She lived in Jakarta
for 13 years,
researching militant Islam
getting important information
from Muslim prisoners.
She wrote a detailed report
on the threat
posed by Jemaah Islamiah (JI)
2 months before
the Bali 2002 bombings.
Such experience
and indepth knowledge
that Time magazine
voted her Asia Hero 2005.
Yet,
she was expelled
from Indonesia
because
she knows too much.
I love Indonesia
as a country
and
as a people.
But I have to say,
the Indonesians
have this amazing ability
to live in a constant state
of denial.
Like an ostrich
burying his head
in the ground,
and hoping
the problem
will go away.
Expelling Sidney Jones
from Indonesia
will not help you
solve terrorism.
She meant well
and she can only help.
But Indonesia
does not want
any help.
It annoys them
that others
know their problems
very well.
of International Crisis Group
was refused entry
to Indonesia.
She lived in Jakarta
for 13 years,
researching militant Islam
getting important information
from Muslim prisoners.
She wrote a detailed report
on the threat
posed by Jemaah Islamiah (JI)
2 months before
the Bali 2002 bombings.
Such experience
and indepth knowledge
that Time magazine
voted her Asia Hero 2005.
Yet,
she was expelled
from Indonesia
because
she knows too much.
I love Indonesia
as a country
and
as a people.
But I have to say,
the Indonesians
have this amazing ability
to live in a constant state
of denial.
Like an ostrich
burying his head
in the ground,
and hoping
the problem
will go away.
Expelling Sidney Jones
from Indonesia
will not help you
solve terrorism.
She meant well
and she can only help.
But Indonesia
does not want
any help.
It annoys them
that others
know their problems
very well.
20051129
1330 hrs November 29th 2005
Rest in peace George
you may not know it
but you touched the lives
of many
and made a difference.
I was too young
when you were at your
brillant best,
but I saw a video once.
You were playing against England.
You weaved your way
past England's world class
defenders,
and had only Gordan Banks
then the best goalkeeper
in the world
to beat.
You could have scored,
but no,
that would have been
way too easy
for you.
Instead,
you took the ball back,
dribbled past
the same defenders
AGAIN,
then dribbled past
Gordan Banks,
and stroked the ball
into an empty net.
At that time,
I knew I witnessed
a moment
of pure magic.
I saw how
you went down,
drinking your frustrations
away.
And alcohol finally
killed you.
George,
I feel your pain.
You had so much
to offer,
there was so much
more to be won,
but the years
have a way
of robbing brillance
away.
If only you could
roll back the years
and delight us
with your gift
again.
Even Wayne Rooney
would be humbled.
Made me laugh
or cry,
when our scholars
are made to think
they're actually
gifted.
Rest well George,
much more than others
you truly deserve
eternal peace.
you may not know it
but you touched the lives
of many
and made a difference.
I was too young
when you were at your
brillant best,
but I saw a video once.
You were playing against England.
You weaved your way
past England's world class
defenders,
and had only Gordan Banks
then the best goalkeeper
in the world
to beat.
You could have scored,
but no,
that would have been
way too easy
for you.
Instead,
you took the ball back,
dribbled past
the same defenders
AGAIN,
then dribbled past
Gordan Banks,
and stroked the ball
into an empty net.
At that time,
I knew I witnessed
a moment
of pure magic.
I saw how
you went down,
drinking your frustrations
away.
And alcohol finally
killed you.
George,
I feel your pain.
You had so much
to offer,
there was so much
more to be won,
but the years
have a way
of robbing brillance
away.
If only you could
roll back the years
and delight us
with your gift
again.
Even Wayne Rooney
would be humbled.
Made me laugh
or cry,
when our scholars
are made to think
they're actually
gifted.
Rest well George,
much more than others
you truly deserve
eternal peace.
1025 hrs November 29th 2005
Front page news
on Today paper.
About kids from the government's
Gifted Education Programme.
How they've been given booklets
telling them
they are different
from others.
How they form,
they own sub-culture,
and only hangout
with each other.
Like as though,
their shit
smells better
than others.
These guys
who are totally
out of touch
with the man
in the street,
have absolutely
no clue
about the kind
of life's problems
we face,
but yet,
they are expected
to be
our leaders.
God help us.
Having an exceptional IQ
does jackshit
for you.
You will never learn
about life,
until
you realise
that EVERYONE
you meet in Life
is
YOUR TEACHER
on Today paper.
About kids from the government's
Gifted Education Programme.
How they've been given booklets
telling them
they are different
from others.
How they form,
they own sub-culture,
and only hangout
with each other.
Like as though,
their shit
smells better
than others.
These guys
who are totally
out of touch
with the man
in the street,
have absolutely
no clue
about the kind
of life's problems
we face,
but yet,
they are expected
to be
our leaders.
God help us.
Having an exceptional IQ
does jackshit
for you.
You will never learn
about life,
until
you realise
that EVERYONE
you meet in Life
is
YOUR TEACHER
20051124
2015 hrs November 24th 2005
Lets get this straight.
Your lips
are good for just
3 things.
Blowjobs
Kisses
Smiles.
In that strict order.
Don't speak.
If you want to communicate
write me
an email,
or send me
an SMS.
For fuck's sakes,
just shut
the fuck up.
Love should not
just be blind,
but also
deaf
Your lips
are good for just
3 things.
Blowjobs
Kisses
Smiles.
In that strict order.
Don't speak.
If you want to communicate
write me
an email,
or send me
an SMS.
For fuck's sakes,
just shut
the fuck up.
Love should not
just be blind,
but also
deaf
20051111
0830 hrs November 11th 2005
At a luxury hotel
in the Jordanian capital
of Amman,
a couple prepares
their wedding march.
A suicide bomber
for a Al Qaeda cell
blew himself up,
as the bride and groom
were making their
grand entrance,
surrounded by family
and friends,
joining them
in their matrimonial
celebrations.
The groom said afterwards,
I lost both my father
and my father-in-law
on my wedding night.
The World has to know
that this has nothing
to do
with Islam.
I'm shocked.
After what happened,
this guy
has the audacity
to make
a religious statement.
Take it one step further brother,
declare the terrorists
enemies of Islam,
declare Jihad
against them
and start wiping
these infidels out.
Because,
when you isolate them,
make them realise
that their fellow Islamic brothers
are not on their side,
they're gonna have problems
recuiting new suicide bombers
in the Jordanian capital
of Amman,
a couple prepares
their wedding march.
A suicide bomber
for a Al Qaeda cell
blew himself up,
as the bride and groom
were making their
grand entrance,
surrounded by family
and friends,
joining them
in their matrimonial
celebrations.
The groom said afterwards,
I lost both my father
and my father-in-law
on my wedding night.
The World has to know
that this has nothing
to do
with Islam.
I'm shocked.
After what happened,
this guy
has the audacity
to make
a religious statement.
Take it one step further brother,
declare the terrorists
enemies of Islam,
declare Jihad
against them
and start wiping
these infidels out.
Because,
when you isolate them,
make them realise
that their fellow Islamic brothers
are not on their side,
they're gonna have problems
recuiting new suicide bombers
0815 hrs November 11th 2005
The Buddhists teach
moderation.
Because even too much
of a good thing
is bad for you.
Hmmmm,
thus it follows,
that too much
of a bad thing,
have to be good for you!!!
OK, more lard,
more smokes,
more booze.
that should moderate,
too much
sex.
moderation.
Because even too much
of a good thing
is bad for you.
Hmmmm,
thus it follows,
that too much
of a bad thing,
have to be good for you!!!
OK, more lard,
more smokes,
more booze.
that should moderate,
too much
sex.
20051110
1650 hrs November 10th 2005
The rich and Western world,
is beating up poor nations
in the name of
GLOBALISATION
and
FREE TRADE.
Just what the fuck is that?
You rich countries,
come to Asia,
dump your surplus goods
demanding we buy them.
Dump them cheap
no doubt,
but so cheap
that our local industries
cannot compete.
And we become
forever dependent
on your supplies.
And you expect us
to thank you
for that?
is beating up poor nations
in the name of
GLOBALISATION
and
FREE TRADE.
Just what the fuck is that?
You rich countries,
come to Asia,
dump your surplus goods
demanding we buy them.
Dump them cheap
no doubt,
but so cheap
that our local industries
cannot compete.
And we become
forever dependent
on your supplies.
And you expect us
to thank you
for that?
1045 hrs November 10th 2005
Just what the hell fuck
is wrong with this country?
We are hanging
this unfortunately Aussie
for minor drug trafficking
but we are investing
our country's national reserves
in Myanmar Fund
controlled by Burma's
biggest drug lords.
We are hanging
people for
drug abuse,
citing that drugs
affects families
and destroy lives,
but we encourage gambling
and setting up of casinos,
when it is also
a well known fact,
that gambling
affects families
and destroy lives.
We elect ministers
to be our leaders,
only to find out
that our ministers
need a mentor.
MM for Minister Mentor
MM for Mickey Mouse
We are a Mickey Mouse country
afterall
is wrong with this country?
We are hanging
this unfortunately Aussie
for minor drug trafficking
but we are investing
our country's national reserves
in Myanmar Fund
controlled by Burma's
biggest drug lords.
We are hanging
people for
drug abuse,
citing that drugs
affects families
and destroy lives,
but we encourage gambling
and setting up of casinos,
when it is also
a well known fact,
that gambling
affects families
and destroy lives.
We elect ministers
to be our leaders,
only to find out
that our ministers
need a mentor.
MM for Minister Mentor
MM for Mickey Mouse
We are a Mickey Mouse country
afterall
20051105
1630 hrs November 5th 2005
The world is full
of married women.
Unhappily married women
Married but Separated women.
Makes me feel that
90% of married people,
are trapped
in unhappy marriages.
Well Darling,
you're hot,
but don't even think
about it.
I won't go to bed
with a married woman,
not even if
your husband
is my enemy.
I simply respect
your marriage more
than you do.
If I were to believe you,
your husband is
a bastard.
If I were to believe him,
you are a bitch.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
not after you had
3 kids with him.
Its a bit too late
to realise that.
The kids did not ask
for this misery.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
just because he spends
all his time
at work.
He is busting both his balls
for his family.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
if he doesn't spend
his free time
with you.
He probably hates
your miserable company.
Do me a favour,
the next time
you want to tell me
your husband
is a bastard,
bring a really hot
SINGLE friend
along.
Better still
bring two.
of married women.
Unhappily married women
Married but Separated women.
Makes me feel that
90% of married people,
are trapped
in unhappy marriages.
Well Darling,
you're hot,
but don't even think
about it.
I won't go to bed
with a married woman,
not even if
your husband
is my enemy.
I simply respect
your marriage more
than you do.
If I were to believe you,
your husband is
a bastard.
If I were to believe him,
you are a bitch.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
not after you had
3 kids with him.
Its a bit too late
to realise that.
The kids did not ask
for this misery.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
just because he spends
all his time
at work.
He is busting both his balls
for his family.
Don't make him out
to be a bastard,
if he doesn't spend
his free time
with you.
He probably hates
your miserable company.
Do me a favour,
the next time
you want to tell me
your husband
is a bastard,
bring a really hot
SINGLE friend
along.
Better still
bring two.
20051026
2150 hrs October 26th 2005
I just had a beer
at the Simei kopi tiam.
I've always enjoyed
sitting down
watching all the uncles
drinking their beers
alone.
Makes me wonder,
who are they?
where did they come from?
why are they not
with their families?
why are they not
with their friends?
Did they not have
a love life?
Fuck you,
tell a Singaporean girl,
to date a guy
who lives in a rented
HDB room,
not even flat,
let alone one
who does not drive
his own car.
Were they once
very rich?
Or have they been
poor all their lives?
But I watch
as they drown their sorrows
in yet another beer,
staring blankly
at the mug.
What's on their minds?
Don't they dream
about our 5Cs?
Sure they do,
government said upgrade
your skills.
Fuck you,
try telling a truck driver,
to upgrade
and be a B to B website engineer.
Don't they feel lonely?
Lonely,
is just another word,
once you're grown
used to it.
But through it all,
I admire
the tenacity.
Work,
have a beer,
hit the bunk
and sleep.
Tomorrow
is another day
to get by.
Love,
if not fleeing illusions
can be bought
for a price
at Geylang.
at the Simei kopi tiam.
I've always enjoyed
sitting down
watching all the uncles
drinking their beers
alone.
Makes me wonder,
who are they?
where did they come from?
why are they not
with their families?
why are they not
with their friends?
Did they not have
a love life?
Fuck you,
tell a Singaporean girl,
to date a guy
who lives in a rented
HDB room,
not even flat,
let alone one
who does not drive
his own car.
Were they once
very rich?
Or have they been
poor all their lives?
But I watch
as they drown their sorrows
in yet another beer,
staring blankly
at the mug.
What's on their minds?
Don't they dream
about our 5Cs?
Sure they do,
government said upgrade
your skills.
Fuck you,
try telling a truck driver,
to upgrade
and be a B to B website engineer.
Don't they feel lonely?
Lonely,
is just another word,
once you're grown
used to it.
But through it all,
I admire
the tenacity.
Work,
have a beer,
hit the bunk
and sleep.
Tomorrow
is another day
to get by.
Love,
if not fleeing illusions
can be bought
for a price
at Geylang.
20051025
2000 hrs October 25th 2005
Boy, I was so drunk
early this morning
when I wrote the previous post.
Even posted it twice
and misspelt October.
Otherwise,
I thought the post
was quite nightmarish,
inspired by alcohol.
I just heard a great song,
its the soundtrack of
Cirque Du Soleil's
Quidam.
I am totally nuts
about Cirque Du SOleil.
There is this surrealistic
dreamlike quality
about all the shows,
My dreams are somewhat abstract like that,
minus the great soundtrack
and wonderful acrobatics.
Makes me wish,
I was born
with that sort of
artistry.
Alas!!!
Let Me Fall
===========
Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
and dream must collide
Someone I am
Waiting for courage
the One I want
the One I will become
will catch me.
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them
All I ask
All I need
Let me open whichever
door I might open.
Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
or may not rise.
I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
away from all these
useless fears and chains.
Someone I am
Waiting for my courage
The One I want
The One I will become
will catch me.
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them.
Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall
early this morning
when I wrote the previous post.
Even posted it twice
and misspelt October.
Otherwise,
I thought the post
was quite nightmarish,
inspired by alcohol.
I just heard a great song,
its the soundtrack of
Cirque Du Soleil's
Quidam.
I am totally nuts
about Cirque Du SOleil.
There is this surrealistic
dreamlike quality
about all the shows,
My dreams are somewhat abstract like that,
minus the great soundtrack
and wonderful acrobatics.
Makes me wish,
I was born
with that sort of
artistry.
Alas!!!
Let Me Fall
===========
Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
and dream must collide
Someone I am
Waiting for courage
the One I want
the One I will become
will catch me.
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them
All I ask
All I need
Let me open whichever
door I might open.
Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
or may not rise.
I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
away from all these
useless fears and chains.
Someone I am
Waiting for my courage
The One I want
The One I will become
will catch me.
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them.
Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall
0150 hrs Octobeer 25th 2005
Shall we dance?
To the blood
that I drip.
The blood
that is homeless
of the heart.
Shall we dance
to this shameless anger,
where death
may meet
the moonlight,
as winds howl
and rain splatters.
Caress me
with the blunt
of the crystal glass
as it splits my face,
in promises broken,
and new promises
unbroken.
Dip me into my grave,
with your new commitments.
With promises of love,
dance me
to my ashes.
Just remember
to release me
at sea,
where I am one again,
with my happiness.
To the blood
that I drip.
The blood
that is homeless
of the heart.
Shall we dance
to this shameless anger,
where death
may meet
the moonlight,
as winds howl
and rain splatters.
Caress me
with the blunt
of the crystal glass
as it splits my face,
in promises broken,
and new promises
unbroken.
Dip me into my grave,
with your new commitments.
With promises of love,
dance me
to my ashes.
Just remember
to release me
at sea,
where I am one again,
with my happiness.
0150 hrs Octobeer 25th 2005
Shall we dance?
To the blood
that I drip.
The blood
that is homeless
of the heart.
Shall we dance
to this shameless anger,
where death
may meet
the moonlight,
as winds howl
and rain splatters.
Caress me
with the blunt
of the crystal glass
as it splits my face,
in promises broken,
and new promises
unbroken.
Dip me into my grave,
with your new commitments.
With promises of love,
dance me
to my ashes.
Just remember
to release me
at sea,
where I am one again,
with my happiness.
To the blood
that I drip.
The blood
that is homeless
of the heart.
Shall we dance
to this shameless anger,
where death
may meet
the moonlight,
as winds howl
and rain splatters.
Caress me
with the blunt
of the crystal glass
as it splits my face,
in promises broken,
and new promises
unbroken.
Dip me into my grave,
with your new commitments.
With promises of love,
dance me
to my ashes.
Just remember
to release me
at sea,
where I am one again,
with my happiness.
20051022
2150 hrs October 22nd 2005
In a drunken haze,
losing my sanity.
Chapters of my life,
fall out of
my eyes.
Read, memorised,
looted, plundered.
Sleepless clouds
drift out
of my sight.
The jail in my mind,
refuses release.
Situations spill out
in multiple scences.
One word at a time,
one act at a time,
Struggling
to stay alive.
This life's
been trip-wired
to explode
into smitereens
in my face.
Dreams plunge
headon,
onto solid ground,
the rocks await.
Reality takes control,
dreams sputter
into non existence.
Time to take,
another look.
Time to write,
another book.
Or just jump
off this cliff,
into eternity,
where some sanity
resides.
Won't it be fun,
to take that jump
with me?
losing my sanity.
Chapters of my life,
fall out of
my eyes.
Read, memorised,
looted, plundered.
Sleepless clouds
drift out
of my sight.
The jail in my mind,
refuses release.
Situations spill out
in multiple scences.
One word at a time,
one act at a time,
Struggling
to stay alive.
This life's
been trip-wired
to explode
into smitereens
in my face.
Dreams plunge
headon,
onto solid ground,
the rocks await.
Reality takes control,
dreams sputter
into non existence.
Time to take,
another look.
Time to write,
another book.
Or just jump
off this cliff,
into eternity,
where some sanity
resides.
Won't it be fun,
to take that jump
with me?
20051020
1730 hrs October 20th 2005
Please do not judge me
and tell me what to do
how to think
what to say
how to react.
Don't be offended,
but I think
nobody deserves
the right
to judge
the affairs of a couple.
You heard only my side
of the story,
that is clearly
not enough.
Please understand
I've been through
so many
relationship failures,
I just can't
face another
failure.
This relationship,
have extracted
the best of me,
if I let it go,
whoever comes next,
will have
only the leftovers.
Is it so hard
to understand,
that I simply cannot
come home
to an empty house?
I just can't
face myself
alone again.
So
don't be
my judge
and jury,
just be
my friend
and tell me what to do
how to think
what to say
how to react.
Don't be offended,
but I think
nobody deserves
the right
to judge
the affairs of a couple.
You heard only my side
of the story,
that is clearly
not enough.
Please understand
I've been through
so many
relationship failures,
I just can't
face another
failure.
This relationship,
have extracted
the best of me,
if I let it go,
whoever comes next,
will have
only the leftovers.
Is it so hard
to understand,
that I simply cannot
come home
to an empty house?
I just can't
face myself
alone again.
So
don't be
my judge
and jury,
just be
my friend
20051019
1720 hrs October 19th 2005
Seems like so many
around me
are undergoing
some kind
of relationship
breakdown.
So is
yours sincerely.
Might as well write down
some thoughts,
perhaps it serves
to remind myself too.
Feeling rejected?
Hurt?
Miserable?
Lonely?
Can't get through the day
without your now ex?
Step One,
Stop seeing her altogether.
If she needs to come home
to collect something,
don't be home.
Step Two,
Have absolutely
no contact.
No SMS,
No phone calls,
No emails.
How is she?
I don't know
don't want to know
and
don't care.
Step Three,
don't open
a spoilt refrigerator.
You won't have food
in it,
and the air stinks,
so don't ever consider
a reconcilation,
its a broken refrigerator,
better to get
a new one.
Step Four,
stop talking about her.
She is a ghost
in your life.
Life is meant
for the living,
not the dead.
Step Five,
by all means,
introspect
on the failed
relationship.
But stop beating
yourself up.
Learn the lessons
from the failure
and look to apply
lessons learnt.
Step Six,
Look forward,
not backwards.
You can't drive a car forward,
if you keep staring
at the rear view mirror.
Likewise,
think of all the opportunities
abound,
imagine all the fun
you will have
without being accountable
to her.
Step Seven,
pamper yourself,
buy new clothes,
have a makeover,
go to the gym,
make yourself
feel good looking.
Step Eight,
Yes, flirt
like their is no tomorrow.
Who cares?
You are not hurting
anyone.
Step Nine,
don't dive straight in
to another relationship.
Take your time
around me
are undergoing
some kind
of relationship
breakdown.
So is
yours sincerely.
Might as well write down
some thoughts,
perhaps it serves
to remind myself too.
Feeling rejected?
Hurt?
Miserable?
Lonely?
Can't get through the day
without your now ex?
Step One,
Stop seeing her altogether.
If she needs to come home
to collect something,
don't be home.
Step Two,
Have absolutely
no contact.
No SMS,
No phone calls,
No emails.
How is she?
I don't know
don't want to know
and
don't care.
Step Three,
don't open
a spoilt refrigerator.
You won't have food
in it,
and the air stinks,
so don't ever consider
a reconcilation,
its a broken refrigerator,
better to get
a new one.
Step Four,
stop talking about her.
She is a ghost
in your life.
Life is meant
for the living,
not the dead.
Step Five,
by all means,
introspect
on the failed
relationship.
But stop beating
yourself up.
Learn the lessons
from the failure
and look to apply
lessons learnt.
Step Six,
Look forward,
not backwards.
You can't drive a car forward,
if you keep staring
at the rear view mirror.
Likewise,
think of all the opportunities
abound,
imagine all the fun
you will have
without being accountable
to her.
Step Seven,
pamper yourself,
buy new clothes,
have a makeover,
go to the gym,
make yourself
feel good looking.
Step Eight,
Yes, flirt
like their is no tomorrow.
Who cares?
You are not hurting
anyone.
Step Nine,
don't dive straight in
to another relationship.
Take your time
1130 hrs October 19th 2005
So its official now,
Ms X is moving out
on Oct 28th 2005.
At least she can do
one last thing for me
and buy my car airflow meter
from Germany.
All last night,
I kept singing this song
that I wrote
for that psycho Korean
4 years ago.
your love
=========
What you called Love,
was Nothing,
But Words,
written on sand,
to be washed away,
by the waves,
of the Sea.
And those Words,
Written on Sand,
They touched me,
When the sea was Calm,
Leaving me Nothing,
yes with nothing,
but the Sea.
But Nothing
is a joy itself
I love you Baby,
By wanting nothing,
Coz nothing
Sets me free.
Free to love you
Free to love you
By wanting
Nothing
Ms X is moving out
on Oct 28th 2005.
At least she can do
one last thing for me
and buy my car airflow meter
from Germany.
All last night,
I kept singing this song
that I wrote
for that psycho Korean
4 years ago.
your love
=========
What you called Love,
was Nothing,
But Words,
written on sand,
to be washed away,
by the waves,
of the Sea.
And those Words,
Written on Sand,
They touched me,
When the sea was Calm,
Leaving me Nothing,
yes with nothing,
but the Sea.
But Nothing
is a joy itself
I love you Baby,
By wanting nothing,
Coz nothing
Sets me free.
Free to love you
Free to love you
By wanting
Nothing
20051018
1120 hrs October 18th 2005
How often,
people say,
"am happy
and in love"
Just what the fuck
have love got to do
with happiness?
Love and happiness
are mutually exclusive,
independent of
each other.
In fact,
I would say,
Love and happiness
are inversely correlated.
Because
Love
is mostly Painful.
LIke the song,
love is just
an illusion,
I'd try to forget.
Yeah right.
Let the illusions last
until it crumbles
into nothingness
and slips out
of your hand,
like trying to hold on
to fine sand.
You actually looked happy,
to leave me.
So why bother
to be friends?
I have enough
friends.
I don't need
one more.
people say,
"am happy
and in love"
Just what the fuck
have love got to do
with happiness?
Love and happiness
are mutually exclusive,
independent of
each other.
In fact,
I would say,
Love and happiness
are inversely correlated.
Because
Love
is mostly Painful.
LIke the song,
love is just
an illusion,
I'd try to forget.
Yeah right.
Let the illusions last
until it crumbles
into nothingness
and slips out
of your hand,
like trying to hold on
to fine sand.
You actually looked happy,
to leave me.
So why bother
to be friends?
I have enough
friends.
I don't need
one more.
0850 hrs October 18th 2005
Success in Life
is all about
being at
Right Place
Right Time.
Maybe you're
Right Place
Wrong Time.
Maybe I'm
Wrong Place
Right Time.
Collectively, we're
Wrong Place
Wrong Time
is all about
being at
Right Place
Right Time.
Maybe you're
Right Place
Wrong Time.
Maybe I'm
Wrong Place
Right Time.
Collectively, we're
Wrong Place
Wrong Time
20051017
1400 hrs October 17th 2005
Sometimes
I don't know what's wrong
anymore
with my life.
At the age of 41,
another woman
is walking out
of my life.
My life is a fucking
common corridor,
for women
to walk in
and walk out.
I fucking give up
I fucking fucking
give up.
Or should I
just give up
fucking.
I feel like
a disposable panty,
wrong brand,
wrong size,
use and throw away.
I don't know what's wrong
anymore
with my life.
At the age of 41,
another woman
is walking out
of my life.
My life is a fucking
common corridor,
for women
to walk in
and walk out.
I fucking give up
I fucking fucking
give up.
Or should I
just give up
fucking.
I feel like
a disposable panty,
wrong brand,
wrong size,
use and throw away.
20051014
1000 hrs October 14th 2005
Everybody who knows me,
knows that
I value
loyalty and trust.
If you give me your 100%
I will give you 120%
I hate betrayal.
I hate being betrayed
I hate the thought
of being betrayed.
Even the word betrayal
sounds horrible.
When I say it slowly,
it comes out
like vomit.
One of the most important things
I learnt in life,
is control
of my emotions.
If I cannot control
my emotions,
especially
my temper,
I'm useless.
Humans operate
on two levels,
rational
and
emotional.
Most people
let their emotions
rule
their actions.
Sometimes
I'm not sure,
if they're too lazy
to think,
or they're simply
don't have the brains
to do so.
Because if you cannot
even control yourself,
you cannot
control others.
If you cannot
control others,
you cannot
control anything
at all.
knows that
I value
loyalty and trust.
If you give me your 100%
I will give you 120%
I hate betrayal.
I hate being betrayed
I hate the thought
of being betrayed.
Even the word betrayal
sounds horrible.
When I say it slowly,
it comes out
like vomit.
One of the most important things
I learnt in life,
is control
of my emotions.
If I cannot control
my emotions,
especially
my temper,
I'm useless.
Humans operate
on two levels,
rational
and
emotional.
Most people
let their emotions
rule
their actions.
Sometimes
I'm not sure,
if they're too lazy
to think,
or they're simply
don't have the brains
to do so.
Because if you cannot
even control yourself,
you cannot
control others.
If you cannot
control others,
you cannot
control anything
at all.
20051011
1245 hrs October 11th 2005
Think about it,
one fine day,
a long time ago.
In a paradise
called Garden of Eden.
Where you have animals
of every kind,
roaming free.
The juicest fruits abound
for you to pluck.
No police,
no crime,
no pollution,
no corruption,
no government.
Adam leaned over to Eve,
and kissed her lightly,
and whispered gently,
"Darling Eve,
here we are,
all in one with nature,
all in one with God,
we will never age,
we will never die,
we live in paradise,
all our dreams come true."
Guess what?
It ain't good enough
for Eve.
If you think Uncle Psycho here
is a woman hater,
go read your Bible.
one fine day,
a long time ago.
In a paradise
called Garden of Eden.
Where you have animals
of every kind,
roaming free.
The juicest fruits abound
for you to pluck.
No police,
no crime,
no pollution,
no corruption,
no government.
Adam leaned over to Eve,
and kissed her lightly,
and whispered gently,
"Darling Eve,
here we are,
all in one with nature,
all in one with God,
we will never age,
we will never die,
we live in paradise,
all our dreams come true."
Guess what?
It ain't good enough
for Eve.
If you think Uncle Psycho here
is a woman hater,
go read your Bible.
20051005
1400 hrs October 5th 2005
Seems like every blogger
has something to say about
the terrorists attacks
in Bali.
So I'll state my
alternative view.
Big deal,
Bali 2002
JW Marriot Jakarta 2003
Australian Embassy Jakarta 2004
Bali 2005.
Its an annual thing
for the Jemaah Islamiyah
like Christmas Day
or Chinese New Year.
More interestingly,
I noted
the decreasing
casualty rate,
from 202 dead in 2002
to 22 dead in 2005.
Come on guys,
it takes 3 of you
to blow yourselves up
and kill only 22?
My pussycat can fight
better than you.
My guess is
the Jemaah Islamiyah
is weakening
as a terrorist force.
Since Hanbali and
Abu Bakr Baasyir
were arrested,
there have been
more of a nuisance
than a terror.
I only feel sorry
for the Balinese people.
Their livelihoods
will be wrecked
once again,
just when they
started recovering.
has something to say about
the terrorists attacks
in Bali.
So I'll state my
alternative view.
Big deal,
Bali 2002
JW Marriot Jakarta 2003
Australian Embassy Jakarta 2004
Bali 2005.
Its an annual thing
for the Jemaah Islamiyah
like Christmas Day
or Chinese New Year.
More interestingly,
I noted
the decreasing
casualty rate,
from 202 dead in 2002
to 22 dead in 2005.
Come on guys,
it takes 3 of you
to blow yourselves up
and kill only 22?
My pussycat can fight
better than you.
My guess is
the Jemaah Islamiyah
is weakening
as a terrorist force.
Since Hanbali and
Abu Bakr Baasyir
were arrested,
there have been
more of a nuisance
than a terror.
I only feel sorry
for the Balinese people.
Their livelihoods
will be wrecked
once again,
just when they
started recovering.
20051003
1350 hrs October 3rd 2005
Another year
has come and past
reflections of memories
on mirrored glass.
A tired sadness
my eyes behold
Another year
of heartaches untold.
Among the many things
I've learnt to fear
I lived my bitterness
in disguised tears.
I might have grown in wisdom
with strength above,
I learnt to forgive
when its hard to love.
As I put this year
into my past,
this next year
may well be my last.
Reflections of what's been
my yesterday,
is left in hope
of a brighter day.
has come and past
reflections of memories
on mirrored glass.
A tired sadness
my eyes behold
Another year
of heartaches untold.
Among the many things
I've learnt to fear
I lived my bitterness
in disguised tears.
I might have grown in wisdom
with strength above,
I learnt to forgive
when its hard to love.
As I put this year
into my past,
this next year
may well be my last.
Reflections of what's been
my yesterday,
is left in hope
of a brighter day.
20051001
1310 hrs October 1st 2005
Looks like the vast majority
of readers here
are either
divorced or
getting a divorce.
Maybe that is a pretty
accurate cross section
of our society anyway.
Having been down that road
perhaps I can volunteer
some advise.
Always make one final attempt
to sit down
and have a heart to heart talk,
before going to the lawyers.
Cast aside all hurt
pride and egos,
if need be,
get a professional counsellor
or a neutral mediator.
Remember, the objective
is to have a final attempt
at saving the marriage,
not to air your grievances
or explain your feelings.
Be rational
be logical
be gentle
be calm
don't be emotional
don't be abusive.
If divorce is still the only
solution, then I suggest
keep it as amicable
as possible.
Work out all the terms
and conditions,
especially financial ones.
Always make sure,
you will allow both sides
to survive.
Don't go all out
to destroy.
Just because you guys
can't be husband and wife,
does not mean you guys
cannot be friends.
Who else will know you better
than your ex?
She will be a good friend
to have.
Dehumanise this emotional process
as much as possible.
If both of you cannot talk
like adults,
then talk ONLY
through your lawyers.
Given the kind of emotional trauma
you would be going through,
trust me, the nasty things you say
will remain in the memories
forever.
Be in the company
of family and friends,
but don't bad mouth
your ex.
It only serves to reinforce
negativity
and mostly reflects badly
on yourself.
When you are being rational,
you will realise
that both sides
are EQUALLY responsible
for your marital failures,
no more no less.
Keep yourself focussed
on your career,
losing your job now
is the worse thing
that can possibly happen.
Always remember,
whatever decisions
you guys make,
have to be in the interests
of BOTH equally,
if children are involved,
the children's interests
rank above all others.
Incidences of how children
suffer
more than parents
in a divorce
are very well documented
and a very common knowledge.
For Fuck's sakes,
don't ever plunge
into another relationship
immediately.
You are in no mental state
to judge,
give yourself space and time
to recover from the emotional trauma.
Having friends around helps,
having God around helps,
having family around helps,
having a new hobby helps,
just not another partner,
it is mostly bad news
an another mistake.
of readers here
are either
divorced or
getting a divorce.
Maybe that is a pretty
accurate cross section
of our society anyway.
Having been down that road
perhaps I can volunteer
some advise.
Always make one final attempt
to sit down
and have a heart to heart talk,
before going to the lawyers.
Cast aside all hurt
pride and egos,
if need be,
get a professional counsellor
or a neutral mediator.
Remember, the objective
is to have a final attempt
at saving the marriage,
not to air your grievances
or explain your feelings.
Be rational
be logical
be gentle
be calm
don't be emotional
don't be abusive.
If divorce is still the only
solution, then I suggest
keep it as amicable
as possible.
Work out all the terms
and conditions,
especially financial ones.
Always make sure,
you will allow both sides
to survive.
Don't go all out
to destroy.
Just because you guys
can't be husband and wife,
does not mean you guys
cannot be friends.
Who else will know you better
than your ex?
She will be a good friend
to have.
Dehumanise this emotional process
as much as possible.
If both of you cannot talk
like adults,
then talk ONLY
through your lawyers.
Given the kind of emotional trauma
you would be going through,
trust me, the nasty things you say
will remain in the memories
forever.
Be in the company
of family and friends,
but don't bad mouth
your ex.
It only serves to reinforce
negativity
and mostly reflects badly
on yourself.
When you are being rational,
you will realise
that both sides
are EQUALLY responsible
for your marital failures,
no more no less.
Keep yourself focussed
on your career,
losing your job now
is the worse thing
that can possibly happen.
Always remember,
whatever decisions
you guys make,
have to be in the interests
of BOTH equally,
if children are involved,
the children's interests
rank above all others.
Incidences of how children
suffer
more than parents
in a divorce
are very well documented
and a very common knowledge.
For Fuck's sakes,
don't ever plunge
into another relationship
immediately.
You are in no mental state
to judge,
give yourself space and time
to recover from the emotional trauma.
Having friends around helps,
having God around helps,
having family around helps,
having a new hobby helps,
just not another partner,
it is mostly bad news
an another mistake.
20050930
1740 hrs September 30th 2005
I have many friends
who are single mothers.
But it is almost impossible
for me to think
of going into a relationship
with a single mum.
As long as I am not
the child's natural father,
I think there is a
natural opposition
to me.
He will probably even
resent me
as I compete for attention
from his Mum.
And I have no
moral authority
to discipline
the child.
He can always say
who the fuck
are you?
And if I do discipline him
at some stage,
he will scheme
child abuse charges
against me.
There is no way
I will ever be seen
as Dad.
And I have no interest
in being surrogate father.
I suppose single Mums
deserve a second chance
at love too.
But I believe,
their best bet,
is either to keep
the children
out of the relationship,
or better still,
find single Dads.
Not someone like me,
who actually yearn
to experience
fatherhood.
who are single mothers.
But it is almost impossible
for me to think
of going into a relationship
with a single mum.
As long as I am not
the child's natural father,
I think there is a
natural opposition
to me.
He will probably even
resent me
as I compete for attention
from his Mum.
And I have no
moral authority
to discipline
the child.
He can always say
who the fuck
are you?
And if I do discipline him
at some stage,
he will scheme
child abuse charges
against me.
There is no way
I will ever be seen
as Dad.
And I have no interest
in being surrogate father.
I suppose single Mums
deserve a second chance
at love too.
But I believe,
their best bet,
is either to keep
the children
out of the relationship,
or better still,
find single Dads.
Not someone like me,
who actually yearn
to experience
fatherhood.
20050929
1345 hrs September 29th 2005
I am opposed to all religions,
I can't think of a greater
mind control over people
than any form of
organised worship.
But amongst all,
I find charismatic protestants
particularly repulsive.
A catholic priest
may spend years of his life
in seminary training
before he preaches His word.
But a born again
charismatic protestant
may have been a sinner
just yesterday.
Their doctrine is
their's is the ONLY way
to heaven.
And they talk
and behave
like religious authorities.
How hypocritical
can you be?
You venture out
to save the souls
of people
in poor countries
but you hardly do anything
to sponsor prevention of
diseases.
Your pastors drive
luxury cars,
pastor's wife gets
$20k diamonds,
build $50 million churches
$0.5 million fountain decorations,
you preach about
missionary work
in poor countries,
but you watch
while they die
of malaria.
You talk of the love
of Jesus Christ,
but you do nothing
to prevent
child prostitution.
Where is the glory
of God,
if a child dies
of AIDs
but a born again Christian,
when you have the resources
to put her to school
and lead a normal life
instead of prostitution?
Let's face it,
you just want to rack up
your score card
of number of souls saved,
not number of lives
you helped.
You're doing this
for your self glory
because it feels good
telling others
you're right
they're wrong.
you're going to heaven
they're going to hell.
Evangelism
is just another word
for imperialism.
Religous Imperialism,
the total rejection
and disrespect
of the culture
and beliefs
of others.
I can't think of a greater
mind control over people
than any form of
organised worship.
But amongst all,
I find charismatic protestants
particularly repulsive.
A catholic priest
may spend years of his life
in seminary training
before he preaches His word.
But a born again
charismatic protestant
may have been a sinner
just yesterday.
Their doctrine is
their's is the ONLY way
to heaven.
And they talk
and behave
like religious authorities.
How hypocritical
can you be?
You venture out
to save the souls
of people
in poor countries
but you hardly do anything
to sponsor prevention of
diseases.
Your pastors drive
luxury cars,
pastor's wife gets
$20k diamonds,
build $50 million churches
$0.5 million fountain decorations,
you preach about
missionary work
in poor countries,
but you watch
while they die
of malaria.
You talk of the love
of Jesus Christ,
but you do nothing
to prevent
child prostitution.
Where is the glory
of God,
if a child dies
of AIDs
but a born again Christian,
when you have the resources
to put her to school
and lead a normal life
instead of prostitution?
Let's face it,
you just want to rack up
your score card
of number of souls saved,
not number of lives
you helped.
You're doing this
for your self glory
because it feels good
telling others
you're right
they're wrong.
you're going to heaven
they're going to hell.
Evangelism
is just another word
for imperialism.
Religous Imperialism,
the total rejection
and disrespect
of the culture
and beliefs
of others.
20050928
1330 hrs September 28th 2005
To you
who once slept with me
but not anymore.
Do you still feel
my anger?
I no longer acknowledge
your presence.
I would not
even have known you
if I hit you head on,
let alone see you
in my rear view mirror.
To you,
who sleeps with me
and still do.
Should I acknowledge
your presence?
Do I even know you?
I thought I did,
but not anymore.
You take out your life's frustrations
on me
so effortlessly.
Its like my failures
remind you
of yours.
It is so easy
to beat up
a reflection
that does not
defend itself.
Its amazing
how you've given up
your dreams,
without even trying.
Your fear of failure
have crippled
any attempt
for success.
Is that what
you're made of?
Do I even know you?
who once slept with me
but not anymore.
Do you still feel
my anger?
I no longer acknowledge
your presence.
I would not
even have known you
if I hit you head on,
let alone see you
in my rear view mirror.
To you,
who sleeps with me
and still do.
Should I acknowledge
your presence?
Do I even know you?
I thought I did,
but not anymore.
You take out your life's frustrations
on me
so effortlessly.
Its like my failures
remind you
of yours.
It is so easy
to beat up
a reflection
that does not
defend itself.
Its amazing
how you've given up
your dreams,
without even trying.
Your fear of failure
have crippled
any attempt
for success.
Is that what
you're made of?
Do I even know you?
20050923
1530 hrs September 23rd 2005
Confucius said
"Do not do on to others
what you do not want
others to do on to you"
Hmmmm.... profound
but what the fuck is that?
Strikes me as totally
unnatural.
We ALWAYS want to do on to others
what We DO NOT want others
to do on to us!!!
That is the order of nature!
Try telling a cat
if you don't want to be eaten
by a dog,
you should stop eating rats.
"Do not do on to others
what you do not want
others to do on to you"
Hmmmm.... profound
but what the fuck is that?
Strikes me as totally
unnatural.
We ALWAYS want to do on to others
what We DO NOT want others
to do on to us!!!
That is the order of nature!
Try telling a cat
if you don't want to be eaten
by a dog,
you should stop eating rats.
1430 hrs September 23rd 2005
Someone wrote in to me
and said I am woman hater.
No darling,
I assure you I am not.
On the contrary,
I love women.
In fact,
my biggest dream would be
if the world's population is
99% women and 1% men.
I'd be having sex
on the MRT
on the way to work.
and said I am woman hater.
No darling,
I assure you I am not.
On the contrary,
I love women.
In fact,
my biggest dream would be
if the world's population is
99% women and 1% men.
I'd be having sex
on the MRT
on the way to work.
20050922
1440 hrs September 22nd 2005
I am beginning to conclude
that above all knowledge
one can possess or acquire,
the knowledge
of one's purpose in life
reigns supreme.
Why do we exist?
For what reason?
How should we conduct our lives?
The impact religions have
on our social consciousness
is astounding.
Muslim societies
who conduct their lives
that pleases Allah,
so that after death,
they get elevated to Heaven
where everything is better
than Earth,
are the poorest societies
in the World.
Hindu societies,
where if you're good,
you come back
as a Brahman,
but if you're bad,
you come back
as a cockroach,
try to conduct their lives good,
are also remarkably poor people.
Buddhist societies
where the purpose of life
is to attain
enlightenment,
through meditation
and withdrawal
from the world,
are largely poor societies.
European Catholic societies
where they humbly surrender
to God
in humility
have remained largely stagnant
for the last 200 years.
In that time, Protestant USA
whose beliefs are
work hard,
make money,
give 10% to the church
fuck the rest of the world
they're going to Hell
we're going to Heaven.
They're become rich
and successful.
Here in Singapore,
we need to look no further
than City Harvest
or New Creation Church,
to see
these christians
are rich.
All that matters
accepting salvation through Christ
and going to heaven,
while on Earth,
who the fuck cares?
The worst bastards
you meet in the office
are usually
charismatic Christians.
ALL ARE CRAP.
I suscribe to biological philosophy,
to have optimal sex,
to fuck as many females
as possible
like a dog,
because when I am
having an orgasm,
I sure as hell
will not think
about the meaning
of Life,
it just feels good.
that above all knowledge
one can possess or acquire,
the knowledge
of one's purpose in life
reigns supreme.
Why do we exist?
For what reason?
How should we conduct our lives?
The impact religions have
on our social consciousness
is astounding.
Muslim societies
who conduct their lives
that pleases Allah,
so that after death,
they get elevated to Heaven
where everything is better
than Earth,
are the poorest societies
in the World.
Hindu societies,
where if you're good,
you come back
as a Brahman,
but if you're bad,
you come back
as a cockroach,
try to conduct their lives good,
are also remarkably poor people.
Buddhist societies
where the purpose of life
is to attain
enlightenment,
through meditation
and withdrawal
from the world,
are largely poor societies.
European Catholic societies
where they humbly surrender
to God
in humility
have remained largely stagnant
for the last 200 years.
In that time, Protestant USA
whose beliefs are
work hard,
make money,
give 10% to the church
fuck the rest of the world
they're going to Hell
we're going to Heaven.
They're become rich
and successful.
Here in Singapore,
we need to look no further
than City Harvest
or New Creation Church,
to see
these christians
are rich.
All that matters
accepting salvation through Christ
and going to heaven,
while on Earth,
who the fuck cares?
The worst bastards
you meet in the office
are usually
charismatic Christians.
ALL ARE CRAP.
I suscribe to biological philosophy,
to have optimal sex,
to fuck as many females
as possible
like a dog,
because when I am
having an orgasm,
I sure as hell
will not think
about the meaning
of Life,
it just feels good.
20050921
1150 hrs September 21st 2005
Today is my ex-wife's birthday
she drove me to alcohol
I should send her
a Thank You card.
I subscribe to Occam's Razor.
I do not believe that philosophy
have to be elaborate.
I did not elect
to be born.
The decision
was made for me.
Probably by accident too.
We live in a chaotic world,
life begins
in a chaotic fashion.
One sperm
out of millions
in an ejaculation
fertilised one egg,
to produce me.
How would I have been
if it was another sperm
in that ejaculation?
How about those
that were wasted
in a handjob
or blowjob?
I do not know
why my parents
brought me
into this world.
Surely
not for my own
benefit.
If so,
the best favour
they could have done
for me
is to abort me.
My life
have not been
all that happy.
I have all evidence
that life
has far more
suffering
and pain
than joy
and pleasure.
The obvious choice
is to commit suicide.
But we humans
are slaves
of nature.
Suicide goes against
our natural instincts.
I always marvel
at how terminally sick people
would struggle
to live another day,
like as though
tomorrow
will be better.
Die lah,
suffer so much
for what?
That is why,
I've always admired
smart and talented people
who realised that
life do not have much
more in store for them,
and commited suicide.
Sigmund Freud,
Ernest Hemingway,
James Dean.
Its the ultimate
metaphysics,
Mind over Matter.
To be sure,
I do believe
in the existence
of a supreme being
that is God.
But I doubt
His intent
nor will
to be involved
in my life.
Belief in religion itself,
is an acknowledgement
that life after death
is better,
that life
is suffering.
Life
should be the pursuit
of happiness.
Happiness
is no more
than a neurochemical reaction.
Which can easily
be replicated
in a drug.
So why are drugs illegal?
Parents do not want children
to take drugs,
largely because
they want to be proud
of their children,
which strikes me
as pretty selfish.
Governments do not want people
to take drugs,
largely because
they want citizens
to be productive
in their economy,
which strikes me
as pretty selfish too.
Which leaves only one thing left
in pursuit
of Life's happiness.
Sex
lots of sex.
Great sex.
she drove me to alcohol
I should send her
a Thank You card.
I subscribe to Occam's Razor.
I do not believe that philosophy
have to be elaborate.
I did not elect
to be born.
The decision
was made for me.
Probably by accident too.
We live in a chaotic world,
life begins
in a chaotic fashion.
One sperm
out of millions
in an ejaculation
fertilised one egg,
to produce me.
How would I have been
if it was another sperm
in that ejaculation?
How about those
that were wasted
in a handjob
or blowjob?
I do not know
why my parents
brought me
into this world.
Surely
not for my own
benefit.
If so,
the best favour
they could have done
for me
is to abort me.
My life
have not been
all that happy.
I have all evidence
that life
has far more
suffering
and pain
than joy
and pleasure.
The obvious choice
is to commit suicide.
But we humans
are slaves
of nature.
Suicide goes against
our natural instincts.
I always marvel
at how terminally sick people
would struggle
to live another day,
like as though
tomorrow
will be better.
Die lah,
suffer so much
for what?
That is why,
I've always admired
smart and talented people
who realised that
life do not have much
more in store for them,
and commited suicide.
Sigmund Freud,
Ernest Hemingway,
James Dean.
Its the ultimate
metaphysics,
Mind over Matter.
To be sure,
I do believe
in the existence
of a supreme being
that is God.
But I doubt
His intent
nor will
to be involved
in my life.
Belief in religion itself,
is an acknowledgement
that life after death
is better,
that life
is suffering.
Life
should be the pursuit
of happiness.
Happiness
is no more
than a neurochemical reaction.
Which can easily
be replicated
in a drug.
So why are drugs illegal?
Parents do not want children
to take drugs,
largely because
they want to be proud
of their children,
which strikes me
as pretty selfish.
Governments do not want people
to take drugs,
largely because
they want citizens
to be productive
in their economy,
which strikes me
as pretty selfish too.
Which leaves only one thing left
in pursuit
of Life's happiness.
Sex
lots of sex.
Great sex.
20050916
1230 hrs September 16th 2005
Don't be offended,
but when you said
You love me,
I thought that was
the lamest
declaration of love
a woman ever
told me.
How can you say
you love me,
when you also love
the attention
of other guys?
Do you know
that it hurts?
Do you know
that it made me feel
not good enough?
And therefore a huge blow
to my self-esteem?
You said
you're not so sure.
Well I know that feeling,
not so sure, not so sure.
Nett result is always
buying at the top
or selling
at the bottom.
When you're not so sure,
don't think twice.
Don't even think,
because I've made up your mind
for you.
Its not that I hate you,
just that you're someone
I used
to love.
but when you said
You love me,
I thought that was
the lamest
declaration of love
a woman ever
told me.
How can you say
you love me,
when you also love
the attention
of other guys?
Do you know
that it hurts?
Do you know
that it made me feel
not good enough?
And therefore a huge blow
to my self-esteem?
You said
you're not so sure.
Well I know that feeling,
not so sure, not so sure.
Nett result is always
buying at the top
or selling
at the bottom.
When you're not so sure,
don't think twice.
Don't even think,
because I've made up your mind
for you.
Its not that I hate you,
just that you're someone
I used
to love.
20050913
1255 hrs September 13th 2005
She struts into the room
like she owns it,
pouting her lips
flashing her eyes.
She is daring,
somewhat good looking.
A catty remark here
a bitchy remark there,
speaking English
with a goddamned awful
accent.
Somewhere between British,
American and Australian.
Yucks.
Totally self-absorbed,
self-centred,
vain,
overly dramatic,
always confrontational.
Making a mountain
out of an anthill,
and trampling everyone
in her way.
Maybe that spark of wit,
and energy
can pass off as
remotely attractive,
but surely
that moody misbehaviour
is a total
turn off.
Because, behind that veneer
of style and confidence,
there is really
no substance.
like she owns it,
pouting her lips
flashing her eyes.
She is daring,
somewhat good looking.
A catty remark here
a bitchy remark there,
speaking English
with a goddamned awful
accent.
Somewhere between British,
American and Australian.
Yucks.
Totally self-absorbed,
self-centred,
vain,
overly dramatic,
always confrontational.
Making a mountain
out of an anthill,
and trampling everyone
in her way.
Maybe that spark of wit,
and energy
can pass off as
remotely attractive,
but surely
that moody misbehaviour
is a total
turn off.
Because, behind that veneer
of style and confidence,
there is really
no substance.
20050902
1120 hrs September 2nd 2005
Back to football
and my beloved
Liverpool.
The club failed
to get Owen back
and also failed
to buy a much needed
centreback and rightwinger.
I don't even know why
they bothered
with Owen.
That stinking little traitor
ran down his contract
till its almost worthless
all the while promising
that he will sign on
and then left us
just when we started
last season.
He may have done alot
for Liverpool
in the past
but I question
his loyalty.
If he really wanted
to come back,
he could have said NO
to Newcastle,
and forced Real Madrid
to lower their asking price.
We simply cannot pay
16 million pounds
for someone
we had to sell
for just 8 million pounds
12 months ago.
Forget Owen,
he is a dishonest
and backstabbing
Judas Iscariot.
Besides, his best asset
is his pace.
That speed have left him
2 years ago,
Real Madrid
knows that now.
As for rightwinger,
we missed out on Simao.
Management said
price was too high,
and we would be in a stronger position
comes January.
Excuse me?
When can you be stronger,
than newly crowned European champions?
Perhaps if we are sitting
at the top
of the league
comes January.
What chances you think
of that happening?
Fucking None.
Nett result would be,
we would be sitting
on a pile of cash,
and no rightwinger.
Fuck the management,
they're expecting
Benetiz
to work a fucking miracle
again.
and my beloved
Liverpool.
The club failed
to get Owen back
and also failed
to buy a much needed
centreback and rightwinger.
I don't even know why
they bothered
with Owen.
That stinking little traitor
ran down his contract
till its almost worthless
all the while promising
that he will sign on
and then left us
just when we started
last season.
He may have done alot
for Liverpool
in the past
but I question
his loyalty.
If he really wanted
to come back,
he could have said NO
to Newcastle,
and forced Real Madrid
to lower their asking price.
We simply cannot pay
16 million pounds
for someone
we had to sell
for just 8 million pounds
12 months ago.
Forget Owen,
he is a dishonest
and backstabbing
Judas Iscariot.
Besides, his best asset
is his pace.
That speed have left him
2 years ago,
Real Madrid
knows that now.
As for rightwinger,
we missed out on Simao.
Management said
price was too high,
and we would be in a stronger position
comes January.
Excuse me?
When can you be stronger,
than newly crowned European champions?
Perhaps if we are sitting
at the top
of the league
comes January.
What chances you think
of that happening?
Fucking None.
Nett result would be,
we would be sitting
on a pile of cash,
and no rightwinger.
Fuck the management,
they're expecting
Benetiz
to work a fucking miracle
again.
20050901
1320 hrs September 1st 2005
His Holiness
the Dalai Lama
said,
A successful marriage
is when
love for each other,
exceeds
need for each other.
My first reaction was
what the fuck
does the Dalai Lama
know about
love and marriage?
But on introspect,
that guy is
really smart.
If I think of love,
as want,
as opposed
to need,
then this entire society,
is all about
our wants
exceeding
our needs.
The core of capitalism
is about our wants
exceeding
our needs.
I want a sportscar
do I need it?
I want a boat
do I need it?
I want a condo
do I need it?
NO.
But capitalism
and our market driven
economy,
is all about
pursuit
of our wants
above our needs,
and proven successful indeed
and thus suitable
catering
to our human nature.
Interestingly,
we got it the wrong way around
in love and marriages.
Needs generally exceed wants.
Women generally marry for money.
Lets drop the politically correct bullshit.
The sweetest guy in the world
but without a job
ain't gonna jump
into your pants
anytime soon.
Like they say,
No money no honey.
You need my money
I need your body.
The Dalai Lama
was right.
Because when need
for each other,
exceeds love
for each other,
you get effectively
mutual exploitation.
Guess the Minangkabau
are the most advanced society
in the world,
in this respect.
Afterall, all guys
are penniless there.
the Dalai Lama
said,
A successful marriage
is when
love for each other,
exceeds
need for each other.
My first reaction was
what the fuck
does the Dalai Lama
know about
love and marriage?
But on introspect,
that guy is
really smart.
If I think of love,
as want,
as opposed
to need,
then this entire society,
is all about
our wants
exceeding
our needs.
The core of capitalism
is about our wants
exceeding
our needs.
I want a sportscar
do I need it?
I want a boat
do I need it?
I want a condo
do I need it?
NO.
But capitalism
and our market driven
economy,
is all about
pursuit
of our wants
above our needs,
and proven successful indeed
and thus suitable
catering
to our human nature.
Interestingly,
we got it the wrong way around
in love and marriages.
Needs generally exceed wants.
Women generally marry for money.
Lets drop the politically correct bullshit.
The sweetest guy in the world
but without a job
ain't gonna jump
into your pants
anytime soon.
Like they say,
No money no honey.
You need my money
I need your body.
The Dalai Lama
was right.
Because when need
for each other,
exceeds love
for each other,
you get effectively
mutual exploitation.
Guess the Minangkabau
are the most advanced society
in the world,
in this respect.
Afterall, all guys
are penniless there.
1000hrs September 1st 2005
If what I want,
is not what you want,
please don't tell me
my wants are wrong.
If my beliefs
are different from you,
please pause
before you try
to change
my point of view.
If my feelings
are stronger
or weaker
or none at all,
please
let it be.
For I do not ask
you to understand me,
nor even accept me.
All I ask
is a bit
of respect.
Respect that
as much as you,
I have a right
to be me.
So just
let me be me.
For if I seem not
to be marching
to your drum,
its because
I hear
another drum.
is not what you want,
please don't tell me
my wants are wrong.
If my beliefs
are different from you,
please pause
before you try
to change
my point of view.
If my feelings
are stronger
or weaker
or none at all,
please
let it be.
For I do not ask
you to understand me,
nor even accept me.
All I ask
is a bit
of respect.
Respect that
as much as you,
I have a right
to be me.
So just
let me be me.
For if I seem not
to be marching
to your drum,
its because
I hear
another drum.
20050830
0035 hrs August 30th 2005
Its hard to believe
Its hard to have faith.
Why bother creating
a questioning mind,
when there are no answers?
Its quite obvious,
from my disdain of God,
that my soul
is not with Him.
I've given him ultimatums,
in search for answers,
He did not reply.
Conversely,
I would not have traded my soul
to the Devil,
unless I have
untold earthly richess
and carnal pleasures.
I have none of the above,
So the Devil
does not possess my soul
either.
Since God does not possess
my soul,
it follows that the Devil
would be first in queue
to claim it,
I actually offered
to him,
more than once,
he did not show up.
Thus the inference
have to be
neither God
nor the Devil
exists,
or quite simply,
I do not
have a soul.
Its hard to have faith.
Why bother creating
a questioning mind,
when there are no answers?
Its quite obvious,
from my disdain of God,
that my soul
is not with Him.
I've given him ultimatums,
in search for answers,
He did not reply.
Conversely,
I would not have traded my soul
to the Devil,
unless I have
untold earthly richess
and carnal pleasures.
I have none of the above,
So the Devil
does not possess my soul
either.
Since God does not possess
my soul,
it follows that the Devil
would be first in queue
to claim it,
I actually offered
to him,
more than once,
he did not show up.
Thus the inference
have to be
neither God
nor the Devil
exists,
or quite simply,
I do not
have a soul.
20050829
1717 hrs August 29th 2005
Went with Ms X
to the 1421 Zheng He exhibition.
All the fanfare
about how great
the Chinese civilisation was,
how they conquered the oceans,
and discovered America,
drew maps of uncharted territories
almost 100 years
before the Europeans.
How Zheng He's BaoChuan
was 5 times bigger
than Columbus.
Compelling evidences
that Zheng He
visited New Zealand,
before Captain Cook.
Sailed Magellan Straits
before Magellan.
Built a Chinese fortress
in Nova Scotia.
Well, it sure puffed up
some Chinese egos.
I however,
felt depressed.
OK, we were light years
ahead of Western Civilisation
600 years ago.
We were brave
we were smart.
Then,
tell me,
with such a head start,
how the hell did we fall
so far behind
the West?
To me,
1421 is not about
how great the Chinese were,
but how we fucked up
as a people.
to the 1421 Zheng He exhibition.
All the fanfare
about how great
the Chinese civilisation was,
how they conquered the oceans,
and discovered America,
drew maps of uncharted territories
almost 100 years
before the Europeans.
How Zheng He's BaoChuan
was 5 times bigger
than Columbus.
Compelling evidences
that Zheng He
visited New Zealand,
before Captain Cook.
Sailed Magellan Straits
before Magellan.
Built a Chinese fortress
in Nova Scotia.
Well, it sure puffed up
some Chinese egos.
I however,
felt depressed.
OK, we were light years
ahead of Western Civilisation
600 years ago.
We were brave
we were smart.
Then,
tell me,
with such a head start,
how the hell did we fall
so far behind
the West?
To me,
1421 is not about
how great the Chinese were,
but how we fucked up
as a people.
20050826
1550 hrs August 26th 2005
I've always been intrigued
by the Minangkabau people.
They are the largest matrilineal culture
in the modern world.
I always wanted to see,
how does
a female dominated society works.
All property,
are passed down
the females,
even family names.
No possession
a man ever has
is truly his own.
They're passed
to his wife,
or even his sister
or her children.
The Grandmother
is the ultimate power figure
in the family.
No man ever proposes marriage
to a woman.
He waits
for a woman
to propose
to him.
Afterwhich,
he moves into
her parent's house.
A man will seek
his fortunes
which will never
be his.
All business
and companies
are owned by women.
So what have I witnessed?
I saw a part of Indonesia
that is well organised,
and relatively prosperous.
I saw the only Indonesian natives
that could match
Indonesian chinese
in economic dominance.
I saw well maintained roads,
running water,
reliable electrical supply,
internet access
and mobile phone networks.
I saw how happy
people can be,
when women don't marry
for money.
by the Minangkabau people.
They are the largest matrilineal culture
in the modern world.
I always wanted to see,
how does
a female dominated society works.
All property,
are passed down
the females,
even family names.
No possession
a man ever has
is truly his own.
They're passed
to his wife,
or even his sister
or her children.
The Grandmother
is the ultimate power figure
in the family.
No man ever proposes marriage
to a woman.
He waits
for a woman
to propose
to him.
Afterwhich,
he moves into
her parent's house.
A man will seek
his fortunes
which will never
be his.
All business
and companies
are owned by women.
So what have I witnessed?
I saw a part of Indonesia
that is well organised,
and relatively prosperous.
I saw the only Indonesian natives
that could match
Indonesian chinese
in economic dominance.
I saw well maintained roads,
running water,
reliable electrical supply,
internet access
and mobile phone networks.
I saw how happy
people can be,
when women don't marry
for money.
1315 hrs August 26th 2005
The ethereal beauty
of Lake Maninjau,
the delicate mist
rolls down the slopes
of the volcanic craters,
meets the spiritual calm
of the torqoise blue waters.
Beneath my feet
teeming with life,
as fish feed
in crystal clear water.
A celestial peace
pervades my consciousness,
such heavenly beauty
an unbearable lightness
the senses
became intangible.
Ms X cracks
into a childlike giggle
as the water spills
into our canoe
carved out of ancient wood.
Over in the valley,
the luscious green
of the tropical rain forest.
Touching beauty
an aesthetic experience
far from the bustle
of the city.
20050815
0915 hrs August 15th 2005
Today is Korean holiday,
which means
I do jackoff
in the office.
Last Friday,
I went out
with TWO ex-girlfriends.
Not one,
but two!!!
Old uncle here
still got ex-girlfriends
who wanted to see me.
I was with them,
well before I was married.
So one was
21 years ago,
and the other
18 years ago.
After sending one home,
buggered off
to meet the other.
It felt unreal,
that strange sense
of familiarity.
How that closeness
was once shared,
and now
separated by
Time.
In each one,
I could still see,
what attracted me
to them
years ago.
I didn't ask them,
but I felt
such a changed man.
When I was a younger man,
I was so damned positive
so damned energetic
and dynamic.
Now,
it appears
that Life
have taken a swipe
at me
and left me
reeling,
the bitter taste
of defeat
ever present
in the corner
of my mouth.
But enough
of feeling sorry
for myself,
enough
of being deflated.
I want to be that guy,
who was so forward thinking,
he absolutely
had no time
for regrets.
No time for problems,
only time for solutions.
Afterall
happiness
is a decision
too
which means
I do jackoff
in the office.
Last Friday,
I went out
with TWO ex-girlfriends.
Not one,
but two!!!
Old uncle here
still got ex-girlfriends
who wanted to see me.
I was with them,
well before I was married.
So one was
21 years ago,
and the other
18 years ago.
After sending one home,
buggered off
to meet the other.
It felt unreal,
that strange sense
of familiarity.
How that closeness
was once shared,
and now
separated by
Time.
In each one,
I could still see,
what attracted me
to them
years ago.
I didn't ask them,
but I felt
such a changed man.
When I was a younger man,
I was so damned positive
so damned energetic
and dynamic.
Now,
it appears
that Life
have taken a swipe
at me
and left me
reeling,
the bitter taste
of defeat
ever present
in the corner
of my mouth.
But enough
of feeling sorry
for myself,
enough
of being deflated.
I want to be that guy,
who was so forward thinking,
he absolutely
had no time
for regrets.
No time for problems,
only time for solutions.
Afterall
happiness
is a decision
too
20050814
2145 hrs August 14th 2005
Back from Batam,
how things have changed.
There is a certain air
of despondency
about that place now.
Gone were those days
when Nagoya Food Court
would be packed
to the brim
on Saturday nights.
All it took,
was the banning of casinos,
and the Singaporean weekend cheongsters
decided to stay away.
The government in Batam,
has obviously no clue
what drove
the Batam economy.
The men in the street,
can shoulder part of the blame
as well.
Prices in Batam,
have gone ridiculous.
When things get overpriced,
the buyers stay home
in Singapore.
Its as simple as that.
The Singaporean cheongster
who wants a weekend
of gambling,
sex,
seafood,
booze,
found gambling banned,
seafood and booze
no longer cheap,
only sex
remains cheap.
One out of Four,
surely ain't good enough,
especially when you factor in
higher ferry tickets
and hotel accomodation.
The poor Batam hookers,
left at mercy
of things quite beyond
their control.
And when the Batam economy
takes a nosedive,
the corrupt police
goes out
on a desparate
treasure hunt.
Easy money,
is not so easy
anymore.
But what about
the Singaporean government?
I am shocked
at the way,
the press goes out,
to crucify
Andrew Kuan.
Absolutely nothing good,
been said about him
at all.
When anybody
becomes so slanted,
I tend to really question why.
I may not know Andrew Kuan,
but my best guess is,
he is
really good,
that they fear him.
how things have changed.
There is a certain air
of despondency
about that place now.
Gone were those days
when Nagoya Food Court
would be packed
to the brim
on Saturday nights.
All it took,
was the banning of casinos,
and the Singaporean weekend cheongsters
decided to stay away.
The government in Batam,
has obviously no clue
what drove
the Batam economy.
The men in the street,
can shoulder part of the blame
as well.
Prices in Batam,
have gone ridiculous.
When things get overpriced,
the buyers stay home
in Singapore.
Its as simple as that.
The Singaporean cheongster
who wants a weekend
of gambling,
sex,
seafood,
booze,
found gambling banned,
seafood and booze
no longer cheap,
only sex
remains cheap.
One out of Four,
surely ain't good enough,
especially when you factor in
higher ferry tickets
and hotel accomodation.
The poor Batam hookers,
left at mercy
of things quite beyond
their control.
And when the Batam economy
takes a nosedive,
the corrupt police
goes out
on a desparate
treasure hunt.
Easy money,
is not so easy
anymore.
But what about
the Singaporean government?
I am shocked
at the way,
the press goes out,
to crucify
Andrew Kuan.
Absolutely nothing good,
been said about him
at all.
When anybody
becomes so slanted,
I tend to really question why.
I may not know Andrew Kuan,
but my best guess is,
he is
really good,
that they fear him.
20050812
1550 hrs August 12th 2005
Back from Taipei,
quite a good trip.
What a surprise
to see how Taipei
has transformed
in few years.
I used to hate Taipei,
it was dirty,
smelly and polluted.
Now I marvel
at the wide boulevards,
clean streets,
greenery.
There is a certain air
of prosperity
in the gleaming malls.
This is the result
when you have
a better democratic system,
when the Democratic Progressive Party,
took to the streets,
and pushed out Kuo Mintang.
When businessmen takes care
of business,
you get world class companies
like Acer, TSMC, Hon Hai.
Over in Singapore,
when you have scholars
taking care of business,
you have Chartered Semicon
and SuZhou industrial park.
In Taiwan, industries
sued the tax authorities
and won.
Try suing the Singapore government.
Taiwan achieved all this
at a time
when Mainland Chinese missiles
are pointed at it,
when people demanded independence.
Yet they skillfully avoided
a public referendum
but at the same time
fostering closer economic ties
with the Mainland.
The Communists ain't gonna
lob missiles at you
when your economy
is critical to them.
Nonetheless,
I went to this sparkling mall
Taipei 101,
bought 3 bohemian pieces
for Ms X.
She said
it was expensive.
But so what,
for $350
in exchange
to see her smile
when she tries them on
Priceless.
quite a good trip.
What a surprise
to see how Taipei
has transformed
in few years.
I used to hate Taipei,
it was dirty,
smelly and polluted.
Now I marvel
at the wide boulevards,
clean streets,
greenery.
There is a certain air
of prosperity
in the gleaming malls.
This is the result
when you have
a better democratic system,
when the Democratic Progressive Party,
took to the streets,
and pushed out Kuo Mintang.
When businessmen takes care
of business,
you get world class companies
like Acer, TSMC, Hon Hai.
Over in Singapore,
when you have scholars
taking care of business,
you have Chartered Semicon
and SuZhou industrial park.
In Taiwan, industries
sued the tax authorities
and won.
Try suing the Singapore government.
Taiwan achieved all this
at a time
when Mainland Chinese missiles
are pointed at it,
when people demanded independence.
Yet they skillfully avoided
a public referendum
but at the same time
fostering closer economic ties
with the Mainland.
The Communists ain't gonna
lob missiles at you
when your economy
is critical to them.
Nonetheless,
I went to this sparkling mall
Taipei 101,
bought 3 bohemian pieces
for Ms X.
She said
it was expensive.
But so what,
for $350
in exchange
to see her smile
when she tries them on
Priceless.
20050808
0230 hrs August 8th 2005
Its 2:30 am,
and I can't sleep.
Damned, will be flying
to Taipei
in a few hours.
Boy, do I hate Taipei.
For a place so
technologically advanced,
so
economically rich,
Taipei reeks
of the stench
of open sewers.
Its a first world country,
that smells third world.
Speaking of which,
I spent the last two nights
at Dynasty Classic KTV.
Entertaining visiting
clients from Korea.
I dunno
if I'm plain jealous
that some men
have family lives
that I often craved,
but yet
do not treasure.
Why do you need
the company
of a Mainland Chinese girl?
I am never tired of
the company
of Ms X.
If you are tired
of the company
of your wife,
why did you marry her?
worse,
start a family
with her?
How can you actually
kiss a Mainland girl,
who just a few minutes ago,
gave someone else a blowjob
next door?
Would you ever forgive
yourself,
if you gave your kids
incurable herpes?
and I can't sleep.
Damned, will be flying
to Taipei
in a few hours.
Boy, do I hate Taipei.
For a place so
technologically advanced,
so
economically rich,
Taipei reeks
of the stench
of open sewers.
Its a first world country,
that smells third world.
Speaking of which,
I spent the last two nights
at Dynasty Classic KTV.
Entertaining visiting
clients from Korea.
I dunno
if I'm plain jealous
that some men
have family lives
that I often craved,
but yet
do not treasure.
Why do you need
the company
of a Mainland Chinese girl?
I am never tired of
the company
of Ms X.
If you are tired
of the company
of your wife,
why did you marry her?
worse,
start a family
with her?
How can you actually
kiss a Mainland girl,
who just a few minutes ago,
gave someone else a blowjob
next door?
Would you ever forgive
yourself,
if you gave your kids
incurable herpes?
20050805
1710 hrs August 5th 2005
OK Girls,
don't send me anymore hate mail.
I admit
I was bloody jealous.
Balaclava is such a happening place
but nothing happened
to me.
I was sitting there
like a bloody loser.
But seriously,
with our local girls
going for Western guys,
and local guys
going for Mainland girls,
I see a serious
social divide
that will be created
in the next generation.
Of course
our million dollar ministers
won't see it,
but when it happens,
remember that Uncle Psycho
warned about it
20 years ago.
don't send me anymore hate mail.
I admit
I was bloody jealous.
Balaclava is such a happening place
but nothing happened
to me.
I was sitting there
like a bloody loser.
But seriously,
with our local girls
going for Western guys,
and local guys
going for Mainland girls,
I see a serious
social divide
that will be created
in the next generation.
Of course
our million dollar ministers
won't see it,
but when it happens,
remember that Uncle Psycho
warned about it
20 years ago.
1150 hrs August 5th 2005
I was at Balaclava
last night.
Was both shocked
and disgusted,
at how loose
and easy
Singaporean women are.
All it takes,
is one fat, balding, ugly
angmor,
go up to them,
buy a drink,
chat a little,
and she goes to bed
with him.
Do you feel flattered?
to be picked up?
A girl does not even need
to be remotely pretty
to get picked up,
just willing.
These angmors
should stay home
and masturbate.
You need a hole?
Go fuck a dog.
We should enforce
strict visas rules,
expensive flight tickets,
closure of all
nightlife establishments.
Local women seen
with western men,
should be whipped.
Broaden the defination of
the term prostitution,
any woman going to bed
in exchange for a few drinks
should be branded
prostitute.
Just what have these westerners
done for us anyway?
Since the Foreign Talent policy
was introduced in the 90s,
Singapore's economy
have not grown
at all.
last night.
Was both shocked
and disgusted,
at how loose
and easy
Singaporean women are.
All it takes,
is one fat, balding, ugly
angmor,
go up to them,
buy a drink,
chat a little,
and she goes to bed
with him.
Do you feel flattered?
to be picked up?
A girl does not even need
to be remotely pretty
to get picked up,
just willing.
These angmors
should stay home
and masturbate.
You need a hole?
Go fuck a dog.
We should enforce
strict visas rules,
expensive flight tickets,
closure of all
nightlife establishments.
Local women seen
with western men,
should be whipped.
Broaden the defination of
the term prostitution,
any woman going to bed
in exchange for a few drinks
should be branded
prostitute.
Just what have these westerners
done for us anyway?
Since the Foreign Talent policy
was introduced in the 90s,
Singapore's economy
have not grown
at all.
20050804
1645 hrs August 4th 2005
Somebody tell me
is it just my imagination,
or there are really few
national flags hanging
this year?
Notice the uproar
on the Internet
over the NKF debacle.
Notice how furious
people get
when told 600k a year
is peanauts.
Notice people actually
asked who paid
for LKY's wife transport
from London.
The government
has its statistics,
I have my own.
About 9 in 10
Singaporean men
hate the government.
About 4 in 10
Singaporean women
hate the government.
About 1 in 5
Singaporeans I know
is unemployed,
or underemployed.
Many have given up trying.
Singaporean women
tend to love this country.
Number 1 airport
why don't you start
travelling a bit more?
Number 1 MRT
ditto above
In HK or Tokyo,
you don't have to wait 8 minutes
for the next train.
Clean and green,
ditto above,
we're absolutely filthy
compared to Seoul or Tokyo.
Safe and secure,
ditto above,
I feel safer in Batam.
This year is election year,
if they tell me they won
by 75% majority again,
I will know
that is mathematically
impossible
is it just my imagination,
or there are really few
national flags hanging
this year?
Notice the uproar
on the Internet
over the NKF debacle.
Notice how furious
people get
when told 600k a year
is peanauts.
Notice people actually
asked who paid
for LKY's wife transport
from London.
The government
has its statistics,
I have my own.
About 9 in 10
Singaporean men
hate the government.
About 4 in 10
Singaporean women
hate the government.
About 1 in 5
Singaporeans I know
is unemployed,
or underemployed.
Many have given up trying.
Singaporean women
tend to love this country.
Number 1 airport
why don't you start
travelling a bit more?
Number 1 MRT
ditto above
In HK or Tokyo,
you don't have to wait 8 minutes
for the next train.
Clean and green,
ditto above,
we're absolutely filthy
compared to Seoul or Tokyo.
Safe and secure,
ditto above,
I feel safer in Batam.
This year is election year,
if they tell me they won
by 75% majority again,
I will know
that is mathematically
impossible
1620 hrs August 4th 2005
There is something seriously wrong
with this country.
Seems like just about everyone I know,
Two incomes,
husband and wife,
after paying
for the house
for the car
for the credit cards
for the annual holiday
they have NO SAVINGS LEFT.
How to start a family?
And all the government can say,
is Singaporeans are not having
enough sex.
Just go to Geylang
and check the turnover.
Its the ECONOMY STUPID!!!
I'm no economist,
but I suspect
if you take the government
and foreigners
out of the economy,
the GDP per capita
of Singaporeans,
is probably closer to that
of Malaysia.
After 40 years of independence,
we're still a 3rd world country,
perhaps just a bit more
sanitary.
We deserve to be
recolonised by Britain
or remerged with Malaysia.
with this country.
Seems like just about everyone I know,
Two incomes,
husband and wife,
after paying
for the house
for the car
for the credit cards
for the annual holiday
they have NO SAVINGS LEFT.
How to start a family?
And all the government can say,
is Singaporeans are not having
enough sex.
Just go to Geylang
and check the turnover.
Its the ECONOMY STUPID!!!
I'm no economist,
but I suspect
if you take the government
and foreigners
out of the economy,
the GDP per capita
of Singaporeans,
is probably closer to that
of Malaysia.
After 40 years of independence,
we're still a 3rd world country,
perhaps just a bit more
sanitary.
We deserve to be
recolonised by Britain
or remerged with Malaysia.
1150 hrs August 4th 2005
I just read
that Singapore's Household debt
per capita
is 170%
That makes
households in Singapore
the most indebted families
in the whole bloody world.
We are living
way beyond
our means.
Our lifestyles
are financed
not with cash,
but borrowings.
Alot of this
can be traced,
to high cost of
property,
which feeds into
high cost of living,
nothwithstanding
high mortgage payments
making Singaporean families
highly indebted.
We owe more
than we earn
as a country
minus the government.
There are two ways
to reduce household debt.
Either
we drastically increase
our incomes,
which I cannot see how,
as a already expensive
workforce,
or we drastically reduce
our debt,
which means
asset sales.
Can't see how
can prices of property
go up.
Given this economic scenario,
the government
reduced property downpayment
to 10%
Getting more people
to buy condos
sucking up the over supply
built by developers
in the last 5 years,
in the process
increasing
our debts,
when asset sales
is the only way
to go.
Blind faith
in the government
is gonna bankrupt you.
But what the fuck,
they'll bankrupt you
for saying that
anyway
that Singapore's Household debt
per capita
is 170%
That makes
households in Singapore
the most indebted families
in the whole bloody world.
We are living
way beyond
our means.
Our lifestyles
are financed
not with cash,
but borrowings.
Alot of this
can be traced,
to high cost of
property,
which feeds into
high cost of living,
nothwithstanding
high mortgage payments
making Singaporean families
highly indebted.
We owe more
than we earn
as a country
minus the government.
There are two ways
to reduce household debt.
Either
we drastically increase
our incomes,
which I cannot see how,
as a already expensive
workforce,
or we drastically reduce
our debt,
which means
asset sales.
Can't see how
can prices of property
go up.
Given this economic scenario,
the government
reduced property downpayment
to 10%
Getting more people
to buy condos
sucking up the over supply
built by developers
in the last 5 years,
in the process
increasing
our debts,
when asset sales
is the only way
to go.
Blind faith
in the government
is gonna bankrupt you.
But what the fuck,
they'll bankrupt you
for saying that
anyway
20050803
1215 hrs August 3rd 2005
The West is getting it wrong
again.
Going on a witchhunt
of Muslim suicide bombers,
shooting any innocent guy
suspected of being a radical Muslim,
is not the answer.
Strikes me as so typical
of shallow Western thinking
to tackle a problem
at its superficial symptom.
Suicide bombers
tend to come from
strict Islam cultures
like Saudi Aarabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan,
not moderate Islam cultures
like Turkey or Malaysia.
Even suicide bombers from
Britain or Indonesia
gravitate to religious leaders
in Pakistan and Afghanistan.
Fundamentalist Islam teaches
that the good life begins
in heaven,
not on earth.
Especially those who die
in Jihad
against enemies
of Islam.
They're guaranteed
an endless stream
of beautiful virgins
whom they can fuck
to their hearts content.
Thus a young Muslim
schooled in fundamental Islam,
would be pulling the trigger
of a bomb,
with a smile
on his face.
Coz he looks forward
to a virgin
sitting on his face
the very next minute.
Declaring war
against fundamental Islam
will only encourage
more suicide bombers.
These guys are not afraid
of death!!!
Don't you get it, Mr Blair?
I reckon the best way,
is to support the growth
of moderate Islam.
Get Malaysia and Turkey,
to preach the joys
of being moderate.
Honestly, I can't think
of a Muslim
more liberal
than Saddam Hussein.
again.
Going on a witchhunt
of Muslim suicide bombers,
shooting any innocent guy
suspected of being a radical Muslim,
is not the answer.
Strikes me as so typical
of shallow Western thinking
to tackle a problem
at its superficial symptom.
Suicide bombers
tend to come from
strict Islam cultures
like Saudi Aarabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan,
not moderate Islam cultures
like Turkey or Malaysia.
Even suicide bombers from
Britain or Indonesia
gravitate to religious leaders
in Pakistan and Afghanistan.
Fundamentalist Islam teaches
that the good life begins
in heaven,
not on earth.
Especially those who die
in Jihad
against enemies
of Islam.
They're guaranteed
an endless stream
of beautiful virgins
whom they can fuck
to their hearts content.
Thus a young Muslim
schooled in fundamental Islam,
would be pulling the trigger
of a bomb,
with a smile
on his face.
Coz he looks forward
to a virgin
sitting on his face
the very next minute.
Declaring war
against fundamental Islam
will only encourage
more suicide bombers.
These guys are not afraid
of death!!!
Don't you get it, Mr Blair?
I reckon the best way,
is to support the growth
of moderate Islam.
Get Malaysia and Turkey,
to preach the joys
of being moderate.
Honestly, I can't think
of a Muslim
more liberal
than Saddam Hussein.
20050802
2200 hrs August 2nd 2005
I've more or less
transversed the globe.
From New York to Tokyo,
From Hong Kong to London,
From Sydney to Seoul,
From Rome to Shanghai,
From Mumbai to Manila,
From Paris to Sao Paolo,
From Frankfurt to Bangkok.
And everywhere,
I see the same blank expressions
of people in cities.
Everybody looks like scarecrows,
in suits,
or odd shaped mannequins,
in designer labels.
The same expressionless faces,
or if I'm lucky,
I get a frown
or a disparaging scowl.
Check out the faces
on our MRT,
You will see the same expressions,
in every big city
in the world.
Is urban living
making us happy?
Sure as hell
does not seem
that way.
Because the happiest smiles
I saw,
were found,
in the villages
of Cambodia,
the hill tribes
of Thailand
the rice farms
of Vietnam,
the kampungs
of Java.
Discontentment
propels city life,
Greed
feeds modern living.
Together,
they give us progress.
But have we really
progressed?
Or are we happier,
when are basic needs
were met?
transversed the globe.
From New York to Tokyo,
From Hong Kong to London,
From Sydney to Seoul,
From Rome to Shanghai,
From Mumbai to Manila,
From Paris to Sao Paolo,
From Frankfurt to Bangkok.
And everywhere,
I see the same blank expressions
of people in cities.
Everybody looks like scarecrows,
in suits,
or odd shaped mannequins,
in designer labels.
The same expressionless faces,
or if I'm lucky,
I get a frown
or a disparaging scowl.
Check out the faces
on our MRT,
You will see the same expressions,
in every big city
in the world.
Is urban living
making us happy?
Sure as hell
does not seem
that way.
Because the happiest smiles
I saw,
were found,
in the villages
of Cambodia,
the hill tribes
of Thailand
the rice farms
of Vietnam,
the kampungs
of Java.
Discontentment
propels city life,
Greed
feeds modern living.
Together,
they give us progress.
But have we really
progressed?
Or are we happier,
when are basic needs
were met?
2130 hrs August 2nd 2005
I see a pub load
of old men
in their 50s,
croaking old songs
and clutching
nubile young women
in their arms.
Grabbing asses
grabbing tits.
It is quite sad,
I think.
When one is in the twilight
of one's life,
and one have to buy
happiness.
Coz if you look beyond
the young nubile tits
and ass,
you'd find happiness
that was internally generated.
These girls giggle
and laugh
at the slightest thing,
rapidly in Tagalog.
Lesson here is,
happiness have to spring
from within.
If you have to rely
on someone,
or something,
to be happy,
you can't be very happy,
not for long
anyway.
of old men
in their 50s,
croaking old songs
and clutching
nubile young women
in their arms.
Grabbing asses
grabbing tits.
It is quite sad,
I think.
When one is in the twilight
of one's life,
and one have to buy
happiness.
Coz if you look beyond
the young nubile tits
and ass,
you'd find happiness
that was internally generated.
These girls giggle
and laugh
at the slightest thing,
rapidly in Tagalog.
Lesson here is,
happiness have to spring
from within.
If you have to rely
on someone,
or something,
to be happy,
you can't be very happy,
not for long
anyway.
1145 hrs August 2nd 2005
People change
and thats a fact.
The only Constant
in Life
is Change.
People change,
and if I may add
usually for the worse.
Within a relationship
of two people,
if they change
in opposite directions,
they'd leave each other
far behind,
if they change
in same direction,
but different speed,
the result is the same,
you're so far away
I can't see.
Thus, it infers,
people have to change
in the same direction,
and
at the same speed.
Seems like
a long long
one in a million
chance
and thats a fact.
The only Constant
in Life
is Change.
People change,
and if I may add
usually for the worse.
Within a relationship
of two people,
if they change
in opposite directions,
they'd leave each other
far behind,
if they change
in same direction,
but different speed,
the result is the same,
you're so far away
I can't see.
Thus, it infers,
people have to change
in the same direction,
and
at the same speed.
Seems like
a long long
one in a million
chance
20050801
1250 hrs August 1st 2005
I was cruising along PIE
when I heard this old song
on the stereo.
Kenny Roger's "The Gambler"
Have always hated Kenny Rogers,
but I thought this lyric
made so much sense
in Life
and relationships.
"You got to know when to hold 'em,
know when to fold 'em.
Know when to walk away,
know when to run.
You never count your money
when you're sitting' at the table
There'll be time enough for counting
when the dealing's done"
I've been a gambler
all my working life.
I know
you never walk away
from a winning streak,
but you run like hell
from a losing one.
You just have to
trust your instincts.
Hold the winners,
throw the losers.
Don't count your money
there is no time
for sentimentality.
When you count your losses
it paralyses your
next move.
When you count your gains,
you get greedy
for more.
Likewise with women
I guess.
If you keep thinking back
of the could have beens
should have beens
might have beens
would have beens,
you'd never play your card.
Only decision is
is this hand a winner?
or it it a loser.
when I heard this old song
on the stereo.
Kenny Roger's "The Gambler"
Have always hated Kenny Rogers,
but I thought this lyric
made so much sense
in Life
and relationships.
"You got to know when to hold 'em,
know when to fold 'em.
Know when to walk away,
know when to run.
You never count your money
when you're sitting' at the table
There'll be time enough for counting
when the dealing's done"
I've been a gambler
all my working life.
I know
you never walk away
from a winning streak,
but you run like hell
from a losing one.
You just have to
trust your instincts.
Hold the winners,
throw the losers.
Don't count your money
there is no time
for sentimentality.
When you count your losses
it paralyses your
next move.
When you count your gains,
you get greedy
for more.
Likewise with women
I guess.
If you keep thinking back
of the could have beens
should have beens
might have beens
would have beens,
you'd never play your card.
Only decision is
is this hand a winner?
or it it a loser.
20050728
1300 hrs July 28th 2005
Sometimes,
I forget
what it was like
to be young.
When all I had was you
and all you had was me.
There were no tomorrows
to bury our sorrows
because
all I had was you
and all you had was me.
Now we have pool villas
at Banyan Tree,
expensive spa treatments
pampered by tender massuers
a tranquil sanctuary
for the senses.
Instead of the thrill
of wanting to attract
a girl
to my bed,
all I want
is to feel secure
in the knowledge
that I am responsible
for your safety
and comfort.
So
whenever you go off
flirting with guys
I bemoan.
Coz
We're simply
in different stages
in Life.
I forget
what it was like
to be young.
When all I had was you
and all you had was me.
There were no tomorrows
to bury our sorrows
because
all I had was you
and all you had was me.
Now we have pool villas
at Banyan Tree,
expensive spa treatments
pampered by tender massuers
a tranquil sanctuary
for the senses.
Instead of the thrill
of wanting to attract
a girl
to my bed,
all I want
is to feel secure
in the knowledge
that I am responsible
for your safety
and comfort.
So
whenever you go off
flirting with guys
I bemoan.
Coz
We're simply
in different stages
in Life.
1100 hrs July 28th 2005
Sometimes we look for trouble,
sometimes trouble look for us.
We mostly avoid problems,
but some of us
simply fall in love
with our problems.
We lament over
our problems.
But having a problem
or not,
is often
a conscious choice.
Some of us indulge
in self-pity,
feeling sorry
for ourselves.
Preferring to grovel
in the mud
of our problems
rather than
standing up
and enjoying
the sight
of the world
above
our mud.
But self-pity
is a real
human condition too.
But at some point,
we all have to
pick ourselves up.
And detach ourselves
from the mud
that bogs
us down.
Because
when we adjust
our perception,
elephants
can be viewed as
mosquitoes,
just as we often
allow mosquitoes
to become
elephants.
sometimes trouble look for us.
We mostly avoid problems,
but some of us
simply fall in love
with our problems.
We lament over
our problems.
But having a problem
or not,
is often
a conscious choice.
Some of us indulge
in self-pity,
feeling sorry
for ourselves.
Preferring to grovel
in the mud
of our problems
rather than
standing up
and enjoying
the sight
of the world
above
our mud.
But self-pity
is a real
human condition too.
But at some point,
we all have to
pick ourselves up.
And detach ourselves
from the mud
that bogs
us down.
Because
when we adjust
our perception,
elephants
can be viewed as
mosquitoes,
just as we often
allow mosquitoes
to become
elephants.
20050720
1105 hrs July 20th 2005
I've never liked playing
mind games
with the one
I love.
I play enough
mind games
in the office.
At home,
I just want
to go into
cruise control
and relax,
speak what I mean
and don't speak
what I don't mean.
But it appears
that I have
no choice.
Women
are competitive
by nature.
They stake
their egos
and self esteem
on attaining
the unattainable.
They want you
only when
you're a tough
challenge
for them.
They want you
when you belong
to someone else.
They want you
when you're
show no interest
to commit.
They want you
only when
you're wanted
by other women.
They want you
to show they
can change you
and make you
crazy
over them.
But if you're too
easy
to get.
They don't
treasure you.
Between a solid rock
of stability,
and a slithery
snake,
they prefer
to grab hold
of the snake.
To show that,
they possess
the ability
the grab
the slippery.
I did precisely that,
went out with this
Mainland Chinese accountant.
She is really pretty,
her eyelashes
seem to go on
forever.
She laughs
at everything,
with a certain
girlish charm.
Puts on little
make up,
no branded goods
whatsoever.
Does not smoke
Does not drink
Does not club.
Strikes me as someone
who will be more than happy
to stay home
and bear my children.
I quite like her
actually.
Reckon,
she is the kind of girl,
I need
at this stage
in my life.
Ms X
found her SMS
to me.
Suddenly,
an open declaration
of undying love.
Swears
that I am THE ONE
that
SHE WANTS.
Wow....
Must I open myself
to the market
to show that
I have
market value,
in order for you,
to value me?
mind games
with the one
I love.
I play enough
mind games
in the office.
At home,
I just want
to go into
cruise control
and relax,
speak what I mean
and don't speak
what I don't mean.
But it appears
that I have
no choice.
Women
are competitive
by nature.
They stake
their egos
and self esteem
on attaining
the unattainable.
They want you
only when
you're a tough
challenge
for them.
They want you
when you belong
to someone else.
They want you
when you're
show no interest
to commit.
They want you
only when
you're wanted
by other women.
They want you
to show they
can change you
and make you
crazy
over them.
But if you're too
easy
to get.
They don't
treasure you.
Between a solid rock
of stability,
and a slithery
snake,
they prefer
to grab hold
of the snake.
To show that,
they possess
the ability
the grab
the slippery.
I did precisely that,
went out with this
Mainland Chinese accountant.
She is really pretty,
her eyelashes
seem to go on
forever.
She laughs
at everything,
with a certain
girlish charm.
Puts on little
make up,
no branded goods
whatsoever.
Does not smoke
Does not drink
Does not club.
Strikes me as someone
who will be more than happy
to stay home
and bear my children.
I quite like her
actually.
Reckon,
she is the kind of girl,
I need
at this stage
in my life.
Ms X
found her SMS
to me.
Suddenly,
an open declaration
of undying love.
Swears
that I am THE ONE
that
SHE WANTS.
Wow....
Must I open myself
to the market
to show that
I have
market value,
in order for you,
to value me?
20050704
1605 hrs July 4th 2005
I picked this verse up
from a Tibetian Buddhist script.
"To disregard oneself,
this is the best dharma.
This is the best service
To Buddha's religion.
Practicing meditation
for life is the best gift
To those sentient beings
without protection"
That suddenly hit me
between the eyes.
Therein lies
the source of my angst.
Therein lies
the cure
for my neurosis.
To disregard oneself.
Coz when I hold my own emotions
in such high priority,
I get disappointed.
If I can somehow
nullify my feelings
perhaps that is
the best dharma
from a Tibetian Buddhist script.
"To disregard oneself,
this is the best dharma.
This is the best service
To Buddha's religion.
Practicing meditation
for life is the best gift
To those sentient beings
without protection"
That suddenly hit me
between the eyes.
Therein lies
the source of my angst.
Therein lies
the cure
for my neurosis.
To disregard oneself.
Coz when I hold my own emotions
in such high priority,
I get disappointed.
If I can somehow
nullify my feelings
perhaps that is
the best dharma
1020 hrs July 4th 2005
So
you think you know
what is right
what is wrong
you think you can tell
Heaven
from Hell
Pleasure
from Pain
Devil
from Angel.
So
you think you know
where you are
where you're from
where you're going
You think you can tell
Love
from Hate
Heroes
from Ghosts
Dreams
from Nightmares
No
you don't
You don't know
where you're going
and
how to get there
You don't know
anymore.
After 2.5 years,
wrong
make that 40 years,
you're still
running
at the same old spot
covering
the same old ground
the same old fears
What have you found?
you think you know
what is right
what is wrong
you think you can tell
Heaven
from Hell
Pleasure
from Pain
Devil
from Angel.
So
you think you know
where you are
where you're from
where you're going
You think you can tell
Love
from Hate
Heroes
from Ghosts
Dreams
from Nightmares
No
you don't
You don't know
where you're going
and
how to get there
You don't know
anymore.
After 2.5 years,
wrong
make that 40 years,
you're still
running
at the same old spot
covering
the same old ground
the same old fears
What have you found?
0900 hrs July 4th 2005
I'm beginning to think
of human relationships
in terms of
banking services.
When I was first attracted to you,
be it physically,
emotionally,
spiritually,
intellectually,
you've placed a large credit
of love dollars
in my heart.
Through the years,
with the things you say
and the things you do,
each time,
the large credit of love dollars
gets withdrawn.
Sometimes,
with the things you say
and the things you do,
the withdrawal of love credit
gets replenished
with more love dollars.
But as human relationship
generally drifts,
the withdrawal of love dollars
outpaces the deposits,
until it its ZERO.
Beyond ZERO,
I start to HATE you.
If we've been through long enough,
like banking relationships,
I'd extend emergency credit,
and allow you to go
into the red.
But once the credit limit is up,
I cease
and desist,
and proceed with
FORECLOSURE.
And then again,
even if the credit balance
is healthy,
people do switch accounts
to another bank,
offering better services.
of human relationships
in terms of
banking services.
When I was first attracted to you,
be it physically,
emotionally,
spiritually,
intellectually,
you've placed a large credit
of love dollars
in my heart.
Through the years,
with the things you say
and the things you do,
each time,
the large credit of love dollars
gets withdrawn.
Sometimes,
with the things you say
and the things you do,
the withdrawal of love credit
gets replenished
with more love dollars.
But as human relationship
generally drifts,
the withdrawal of love dollars
outpaces the deposits,
until it its ZERO.
Beyond ZERO,
I start to HATE you.
If we've been through long enough,
like banking relationships,
I'd extend emergency credit,
and allow you to go
into the red.
But once the credit limit is up,
I cease
and desist,
and proceed with
FORECLOSURE.
And then again,
even if the credit balance
is healthy,
people do switch accounts
to another bank,
offering better services.
20050629
1525 hrs June 29th 2005
I have not been blogging,
been trying to wean myself off
the horrible side effects
of Risperdal.
That drug is terrible,
just a short term solution,
to a longer term problem.
Which is in effect opposite
to my situation with Ms X.
Attempting long term solutions,
to short term problems.
Risperdal is so damned addictive,
I had to increase the dosage
all the time.
As the effects wear off,
the anxiety attacks,
the pounding heart,
the cold sweat,
the imaginary friends,
they all come back.
Neurosis is a strange thing.
The fear
of an eventuality
is actually worse
than the eventuality
itself.
Humans are resilient
we do adapt
to eventualities
and the fear
is mostly
overblown.
been trying to wean myself off
the horrible side effects
of Risperdal.
That drug is terrible,
just a short term solution,
to a longer term problem.
Which is in effect opposite
to my situation with Ms X.
Attempting long term solutions,
to short term problems.
Risperdal is so damned addictive,
I had to increase the dosage
all the time.
As the effects wear off,
the anxiety attacks,
the pounding heart,
the cold sweat,
the imaginary friends,
they all come back.
Neurosis is a strange thing.
The fear
of an eventuality
is actually worse
than the eventuality
itself.
Humans are resilient
we do adapt
to eventualities
and the fear
is mostly
overblown.
20050620
1745 hrs June 20th 2005
Perception is more important
than Reality.
It is that way,
in the stockmarket
It is that way,
in Life.
To a KTV girl,
she remains faithful,
to her boyfriend,
even though she allows herself
to be touched
all over.
So long as she does
not kiss
not fuck,
she is faithful
in her perception.
To a prostitute,
she remains faithful,
to her boyfriend,
even though she allows herself
to be touched
all over,
and fucked.
So long as she does
not kiss,
she is faithful,
in her perception.
To a certain Ms X,
she remains faithful,
to me,
even though she
dances provocatively
with strange men,
even though she
flirts shamelessly
with multiple men,
So long as she does
not kiss,
not touch,
not fuck,
she is faithful,
in her perception.
Whisper words of wisdom
let it be....
than Reality.
It is that way,
in the stockmarket
It is that way,
in Life.
To a KTV girl,
she remains faithful,
to her boyfriend,
even though she allows herself
to be touched
all over.
So long as she does
not kiss
not fuck,
she is faithful
in her perception.
To a prostitute,
she remains faithful,
to her boyfriend,
even though she allows herself
to be touched
all over,
and fucked.
So long as she does
not kiss,
she is faithful,
in her perception.
To a certain Ms X,
she remains faithful,
to me,
even though she
dances provocatively
with strange men,
even though she
flirts shamelessly
with multiple men,
So long as she does
not kiss,
not touch,
not fuck,
she is faithful,
in her perception.
Whisper words of wisdom
let it be....
20050617
1500 hrs June 17th 2005
Dear God,
Its not often that I pray,
let alone ask anything of you.
I hate asking for things,
in exchange for worship.
It feels like
a commercial transaction
to me.
But this time,
I ask You,
to grant me
a forgiving heart,
and cleanse me
of all anger,
hostility
and revenge.
Heal my hurts,
and teach me
to rely
on love.
Grant me
the wisdom
strength
and peace,
to move ahead
in grace
and love,
as you have
instilled
in me,
for I have to admit,
I can't do it alone,
am too bloody weak.
This I pray,
in Jesus' name
Amen
Its not often that I pray,
let alone ask anything of you.
I hate asking for things,
in exchange for worship.
It feels like
a commercial transaction
to me.
But this time,
I ask You,
to grant me
a forgiving heart,
and cleanse me
of all anger,
hostility
and revenge.
Heal my hurts,
and teach me
to rely
on love.
Grant me
the wisdom
strength
and peace,
to move ahead
in grace
and love,
as you have
instilled
in me,
for I have to admit,
I can't do it alone,
am too bloody weak.
This I pray,
in Jesus' name
Amen
20050613
1550 hrs June 13th 2005
It is always a struggle,
to be a good man.
It is always an internal strife,
to live by
conscience,
to do the right thing,
every single time,
although given a choice
between good
and evil.
The dark side demands,
why did she do this
to me?
The evil side extorts,
go exact revenge.
An eye
for an eye
But if every man
takes an eye
for an eye,
the world
will indeed
be blind.
to be a good man.
It is always an internal strife,
to live by
conscience,
to do the right thing,
every single time,
although given a choice
between good
and evil.
The dark side demands,
why did she do this
to me?
The evil side extorts,
go exact revenge.
An eye
for an eye
But if every man
takes an eye
for an eye,
the world
will indeed
be blind.
1535 hrs June 13th 2005
When I retrospect
and introspect,
my source of paranoia,
is my history with
women in my past.
The result of this paranoia,
are fears.
Fear of Betrayal
Fear of Abandonment.
I maybe undergoing
psychiatric treatment,
but no shrink
is gonna cure this.
The cure
have to come
from within.
Because it follows,
that if I have forgiven
they who have caused
grevious hurt,
they who have caused
gross injustice,
they who have caused
unbearable pain,
then there would be
no more fears.
For Christ,
who has been betrayed
and abandoned,
could cry out to God,
forgive them for they know not
what they're doing,
so therein
lies healing.
So let the healing process
begin.
And let it begin,
with me.
and introspect,
my source of paranoia,
is my history with
women in my past.
The result of this paranoia,
are fears.
Fear of Betrayal
Fear of Abandonment.
I maybe undergoing
psychiatric treatment,
but no shrink
is gonna cure this.
The cure
have to come
from within.
Because it follows,
that if I have forgiven
they who have caused
grevious hurt,
they who have caused
gross injustice,
they who have caused
unbearable pain,
then there would be
no more fears.
For Christ,
who has been betrayed
and abandoned,
could cry out to God,
forgive them for they know not
what they're doing,
so therein
lies healing.
So let the healing process
begin.
And let it begin,
with me.
1100 hrs June 13th 2005
In the darkness
of the soul,
it is always 3am.
That is how I felt,
when I walked the lonely corridors
to the defense lawyer's office.
It was like a scene from CSI
and I was merely acting
a role,
this cannot be true.
But anyway,
I've done myself in
Big Time.
Am under psychiatric treatment
for schizophrenia.
This cannot be true.
But it surely is
as I popped the schizo pills
maximum dosage
to control paranoia.
Its like there is
a raging stranger
that resides deep inside,
erupting to come out
at the worst
possible moment.
How does a woman
speak of love,
when neither her words
nor actions
remotely reflect it?
How does a woman
speak of love,
when both her words
and actions
cause intense hurt?
Now it has
driven me
to clinical insanity.
I should have listened
and let go,
when I had
the chance.
But I am not one
to live in regret.
Take responsibility
and pray
for the best
possible outcome.
So help me God
of the soul,
it is always 3am.
That is how I felt,
when I walked the lonely corridors
to the defense lawyer's office.
It was like a scene from CSI
and I was merely acting
a role,
this cannot be true.
But anyway,
I've done myself in
Big Time.
Am under psychiatric treatment
for schizophrenia.
This cannot be true.
But it surely is
as I popped the schizo pills
maximum dosage
to control paranoia.
Its like there is
a raging stranger
that resides deep inside,
erupting to come out
at the worst
possible moment.
How does a woman
speak of love,
when neither her words
nor actions
remotely reflect it?
How does a woman
speak of love,
when both her words
and actions
cause intense hurt?
Now it has
driven me
to clinical insanity.
I should have listened
and let go,
when I had
the chance.
But I am not one
to live in regret.
Take responsibility
and pray
for the best
possible outcome.
So help me God
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