1220 hrs December 22nd 2005

And so this is

yet another

Christmas.

Another year over

another year older.

As I rue

about how

I am going

to spend Christmas Eve

all by myself

over a bottle

of wine

alone.

Maybe the problem

is me.

Maybe

I expect

too much

and invariably

get dissappointed.

Maybe

its because

I wanted you

to be

like me.

Maybe

its because

I would never

do the things

you do

to someone

I love.

Maybe

its because

I would never

say the things

you say

to someone

I love.

Maybe I am

just like Pygmalion

in the Greek legend.

Pygmalion found

women

way too

imperfect,

he decided

to create

his perfect woman.

He took a marble slab

and laboured on it

for months.

Carving here,

smoothing there,

rounding here,

chipping there.

Working till

he created

his perfect

feminine form

embodying grace

and virtue.

The statue he created

was exquisite.

So perfect indeed,

that Pygmalion

fell in passionate love

with his creation.

He would be seen

kissing the statue,

talking to the statue,

fingering its

marble hands.

But in spite

of his work's perfection,

Pygmalion was

desparately unhappy.

For the lifeless statue

could not respond

to his desires,

the cold stone

could not return

the warmth

of his love.

He has set out

to create

his perfect woman

but only succeeded

in creating

his own frustration

and despair.

Maybe I'm like

Pygmalion.

Maybe I tried

too hard

to mould you

into my idea

of a perfect woman,

and only succeeded

to be frustrated

and bitter.

Maybe if you actually

became more

like what

I wanted

of you,

it would rob you

of your life's spirit,

your distinctiveness.

Maybe I should just

accept you

for what you are.

Maybe I should just

accept that

you're just a

very abusive person.

Physically abusive

Emotionally abusive

Spiritually abusive

Intellectually abusive.

Maybe I should just

accept all that

like a man.

Maybe I should

accept that

you will never

be wholly mine,

and I have to share

you with other guys.

Maybe my fucking problem

is I think too much