20050123

0300 hrs January 23rd 2005

I have a new hero,

young Mr J.

His girlfriend caused him grievous hurt.

Instead of bitching in pain,

he asked,

What could I have done more,

in the relationship.

What a man.

Afterall,

a 3rd party is merely a symptom

of a sick relationship,

never never

the cause.

He took it like a man,

decided to forgive.

More admirably,

he suffered

in silence.

I know

betrayal of trust,

comes back and bite you

in the ass,

every now and then.

But he never mentioned

about the episode again.

That guy has

more balls

than a bowling alley.

Heck,

they ought to tear down

the Merlion

and put up a statue

of Mr J

at Sentosa.

Forgiveness

is divine.

As for the girlfriend,

I suppose lesson is learnt

and learnt well.

Learning a lesson

is the easy part.

It is applying the lesson learnt,

that most people

do not have another

chance.

20050111

1100 hrs January 11th 2004

Why do I

have to work so hard

to win your approval?

Why do I

have to look nervously

behind my shoulder

to see who else is pursuing you?

Why do I

have to tolerate

you encouraging other guys

to pursue you?

I know

I am well ahead

of the rest

of the pack,

but

I don't want

to be

another one of

your running dogs.

I'm tired,

dead fucking tired.

I just want

to rest in the arms

of a woman

who really treasures me.

20050106

1400 hrs January 6th 2005

I think I've quite decided.

If my relationship with Ms X

does not work

eventually.

I'd give up citizenship,

in this stupid country,

go to Batam,

be an Indonesian.

With my CPF savings,

I'd open an orphanage

in Batam.

There are thousands,

of silly teenage girls,

who got themselves pregnant.

I'd take over the kids,

raise them up,

educate them,

impart a sense

of moral values.

If the mothers chooses,

they can work

in the orphanage too,

afterall they're usually

disowned by their families,

and evicted from their villages.

Who the hell needs a woman,

to start a family?

20050105

1030 hrs January 5th 2005

I was watching a kid

playing Tamagotchi.

Tiny egg shaped electronic device,

where he has an electronic pet,

he has to feed and attend to

with tender loving care.

Otherwise,

that electronic pet

will die.

Strikes me as weird,

that a kid

can spend all his time,

tending to his electronic pet,

ensuring its health,

and getting jackshit

in return,

other than

a perverted sense

of satisfaction,

that he kept

his tamagotchi alive.

Sounds quite a lot

like

my relationship

with women.

20050103

1130 hrs January 3rd 2005

A bit on the economics

of things.

Interesting year,

going forward.

Its like playing musical chairs,

continue playing the game,

waiting for the music to stop,

but don't be the last one

looking for the chair.

We all know,

the US twin deficits

of current account

and trade account

will blow up

at some point.

Nobody can continue

deficit spending

indefinitely.

The world continues

to finance the US excesses

as long as they remain

the world's only superpower.

India is grossly overrated,

they are simply not

China.

You cannot have a manufacturing base,

when your trucks travel

at 12 kmph

sharing your highways

with cows

and bullock carts.

You cannot have a service industry,

call yourself an internet incubator,

when your phones don't even work.

Plus, the Indians

are probably the most

disliked race

in the world.

Simply no sense

of honour,

in general.

Indonesia,

right country

wrong people.

No bloody sense

of work ethic.

Everybody is

on the take.

It is however mine

to exploit.

Singapore,

great past

no bloody future.

The million dollared ministers

have no clue

how to push this economy

forward

with its own momentum.

We are merely dragged along

by other economies.

Bottom line is

I am however positive

for the markets,

liquidity will continue

to drive.

No guarantees,

that I can make money.

Except one guarantee,

I will not make money,

if I don't risk it.

1115 hrs January 3rd 2005

Another year over,

a new one just begun.

I dunno why,

but I am such a sucker

for such milestones,

unlike Ms X and Mr D.

As I take stock of the old year,

I put new aspirations into the new year.

Chiefly,

to unclutter and prioritise

the biggest issues

in my Life.

Number 1 priority,

is still Ms X.

I want to continue my crusade,

making her feel

like the luckiest girl

in the world.

Continue to look

at the bigger picture.

Continue to work

towards relationship success.

God knows I cannot

afford another relationship failure.

True, the reality is I was happiest

when I never needed to try.

But the reality is

I have to try

damned hard

to make it work.

Even if it doesn't work,

it must not be

for the lack

of trying.

Number 2 priority,

is Mr D and PT Roda Makmur.

That is where my financial future is.

I have to continue to work

towards making this a success,

even if it takes a hell lot

of self-sacrifice.

Again concentrate on

the bigger picture.

Number 3 priority,

is being a good employee

of ICAP Financial Products.

As much as I hate this job,

it is paying for PT Roda Makmur.

I cannot bite

the hand that feeds me.

I have to ensure

equity derivatives work well

and blaze new markets

for them.

It is my job

afterall.

And a job worth doing,

is always worth doing

bloody well.

Number 4 priority,

is my family.

I have to recognise

that I cannot change

deeply ingrained resentments

in family fights.

Solve what I can,

ignore what I cannot.

Understand each family member,

and how they feel,

but stick to my principles,

on what is right.

Number 5 priority,

is myself.

I must continue to develop,

as a person.

Be good

be nice.

Be smart

and analyse.

The importance

of being earnest

and focussed.

The beauty

of being goal

orientated.

God grant me peace

and strength

this 2005