1150 hrs September 21st 2005

Today is my ex-wife's birthday

she drove me to alcohol

I should send her

a Thank You card.

I subscribe to Occam's Razor.

I do not believe that philosophy

have to be elaborate.

I did not elect

to be born.

The decision

was made for me.

Probably by accident too.

We live in a chaotic world,

life begins

in a chaotic fashion.

One sperm

out of millions

in an ejaculation

fertilised one egg,

to produce me.

How would I have been

if it was another sperm

in that ejaculation?

How about those

that were wasted

in a handjob

or blowjob?

I do not know

why my parents

brought me

into this world.

Surely

not for my own

benefit.

If so,

the best favour

they could have done

for me

is to abort me.

My life

have not been

all that happy.

I have all evidence

that life

has far more

suffering

and pain

than joy

and pleasure.

The obvious choice

is to commit suicide.

But we humans

are slaves

of nature.

Suicide goes against

our natural instincts.

I always marvel

at how terminally sick people

would struggle

to live another day,

like as though

tomorrow

will be better.

Die lah,

suffer so much

for what?

That is why,

I've always admired

smart and talented people

who realised that

life do not have much

more in store for them,

and commited suicide.

Sigmund Freud,

Ernest Hemingway,

James Dean.

Its the ultimate

metaphysics,

Mind over Matter.

To be sure,

I do believe

in the existence

of a supreme being

that is God.

But I doubt

His intent

nor will

to be involved

in my life.

Belief in religion itself,

is an acknowledgement

that life after death

is better,

that life

is suffering.

Life

should be the pursuit

of happiness.

Happiness

is no more

than a neurochemical reaction.

Which can easily

be replicated

in a drug.

So why are drugs illegal?

Parents do not want children

to take drugs,

largely because

they want to be proud

of their children,

which strikes me

as pretty selfish.

Governments do not want people

to take drugs,

largely because

they want citizens

to be productive

in their economy,

which strikes me

as pretty selfish too.

Which leaves only one thing left

in pursuit

of Life's happiness.

Sex

lots of sex.

Great sex.