1310 hrs October 1st 2005

Looks like the vast majority

of readers here

are either

divorced or

getting a divorce.

Maybe that is a pretty

accurate cross section

of our society anyway.

Having been down that road

perhaps I can volunteer

some advise.

Always make one final attempt

to sit down

and have a heart to heart talk,

before going to the lawyers.

Cast aside all hurt

pride and egos,

if need be,

get a professional counsellor

or a neutral mediator.

Remember, the objective

is to have a final attempt

at saving the marriage,

not to air your grievances

or explain your feelings.

Be rational

be logical

be gentle

be calm

don't be emotional

don't be abusive.

If divorce is still the only

solution, then I suggest

keep it as amicable

as possible.

Work out all the terms

and conditions,

especially financial ones.

Always make sure,

you will allow both sides

to survive.

Don't go all out

to destroy.

Just because you guys

can't be husband and wife,

does not mean you guys

cannot be friends.

Who else will know you better

than your ex?

She will be a good friend

to have.

Dehumanise this emotional process

as much as possible.

If both of you cannot talk

like adults,

then talk ONLY

through your lawyers.

Given the kind of emotional trauma

you would be going through,

trust me, the nasty things you say

will remain in the memories

forever.

Be in the company

of family and friends,

but don't bad mouth

your ex.

It only serves to reinforce

negativity

and mostly reflects badly

on yourself.

When you are being rational,

you will realise

that both sides

are EQUALLY responsible

for your marital failures,

no more no less.

Keep yourself focussed

on your career,

losing your job now

is the worse thing

that can possibly happen.

Always remember,

whatever decisions

you guys make,

have to be in the interests

of BOTH equally,

if children are involved,

the children's interests

rank above all others.

Incidences of how children

suffer

more than parents

in a divorce

are very well documented

and a very common knowledge.

For Fuck's sakes,

don't ever plunge

into another relationship

immediately.

You are in no mental state

to judge,

give yourself space and time

to recover from the emotional trauma.

Having friends around helps,

having God around helps,

having family around helps,

having a new hobby helps,

just not another partner,

it is mostly bad news

an another mistake.