20041208

2330 hrs Decemberr 8th 2004

Its weird

how blood runs thicker

than water.

For years now,

I waged a cold war,

with my Dad.

Did not wanna talk to him

Did not wanna see him.

My stubborn

and childish

resilence

crumbled,

when he went missing.

I could not sleep well,

spent hours

theoririzing

hypothesizing

analyzing.

Women come and go,

friends come and go.

But Dad,

I'm stuck with just one.

A fact that I cannot change.

I did not choose him.

His blood runs through mine.

I suffered

because I hated his version

of Fatherhood.

I suffered

because I hated his idea

of Marriage.

But just who the fuck

gave me the right

to judge?

We are all shaped

by our collective life experiences,

Dad is a mere manifestation

of his life experiences.

He loved his family,

the only way he knew how,

by dedicating his entire life,

to providing for us.

What I can give him

he does not want,

what he can give me

I do not want

either.

Just when are we

going to stop

pulling each other apart?

Reconcilation

have to begin somewhere,

it might as well

be me.

I felt peace

thereafter,

because I no longer held

bad blood

with my own.