0555 hrs June 12th 2004

Fuck.

I'm actually enjoying this.

Great cure for insomnia.

Back for more.

What the hell am I doing?

Have not slept a single wink.

And its been a tiring week.

Kuyak the Tortoise is already awake, trudging around the yard.

Biko the Parrot is hungry too.

Sorry guys, Daddy is feeling really self-centred today.

And pathetic too.

Oh, I know why.

Its all about Ms X.

Always the rollercoaster ride.

The highs and lows

The thrills and spills

But always back to the same old stop.

Damned, I've been here before.

If I go,

I suspect the problem is really me.

I love her

But hate her temper

Maybe I'm just looking for a way out

Again

Who does not have faults?

For all the things I love her for

Why must this one fault matter so much?

Maybe the problem is bigger

Maybe I resent her

I hate the feeling that she is settling for me

That she wished I was someone else

But if I'm not good enough for her,

why won't she just pack up and go?

Like my ex-wife

Or she is merely waiting for the better option to come along.

Hey, finding a better option is a full time job!

Why waste her life living with me?

Maybe its just my paranoia

Maybe its just the ghosts of my past

haunting me again.

Or maybe I'm just too afraid

of another relationship failure.

Pathetic

Yeah, Diary of a Loser

is so apt.