1935 hrs June 24th 2004

Today,

exactly 4 years ago

I lost my marriage.

Suddenly,

memories

that I thought

I've forgotten

came

flooding back.

The betrayal,

abandonment,

searing pain,

confusion,

fear,

bitterness,

loss of self-esteem,

shattered dreams,

pieces of a

broken life.

I shuddered

when I recalled,

the hallucinations,

voices

in my head.

Suddenly,

the sickly sweet taste

of the weed killer

returned

to my mouth.

Those anxiety attacks,

Waking up

in the middle

of the night.

Panting,

in cold sweat,

Heart pounding

at my chest.

I could still hear

the trauma.

What have I ever done

to deserve this

desertion?

Is she happier now?

Is he treating her right?

I loved her

like my life

depended on it.

Her happiness

was

my Life's goal.

Her smile

was

my Life's pleasure.

Why I could

suddenly recall

that fateful day

when my world

imploded.

Maybe

I still

love her,

because

she was once mine.

But

the pain she caused

was unbearable