15 days
I will turn 40
I don't know how I will feel
on that day,
but I do know
right now,
that I am crippled
with fear.
Once upon a time,
when I wore
a younger man's clothes,
I was positive,
dynamic,
forward looking.
I thought I could
control my life,
chart my course,
influence my emotions.
Now,
almost 40 years later,
having been in prison,
admitted in a psychiatric ward,
survived a life threatening disease,
climbed the corporate ladder,
became a millionaire,
and lost it.
Been through the
emotional and financial devastation
of a divorce.
Experienced true love,
3 times,
and seen how romantic love,
mutate into a little more than
platonic love.
Used to think,
I'd turn 40,
with all guns blazing,
saying Holy Shit! What a ride,
this Life have been!
Now, I'm not so sure
anymore.
I'm turning 40,
by threading carefully,
a little uncertain,
a little unconfident,
but mostly scared.
