1300 HRS APRIL 15TH 2007

I know

I should be happy

for you

that you have found

someone new

in your life.

I should take

my defeat

of losing you

like a man.

But I can't tell you

how badly it hurts.

I keep wondering,

who is he,

what business he does,

how he looks,

if he is treating

you well.

You may not be mine

to care anymore,

but I keep wondering

if he treats you right.

If he loves you

as much as I do.

I can only guess

that he is everything

to you

that I was not.

No matter how hard

I tried.

I even wonder

no matter how painful

it is,

how he is

in bed with you.

I even feel like

meeting him,

just to tell him

what it takes

to make you

climax.

Or maybe he does

things for you,

that I can never do.

Maybe he is

the super rich guy

that you always wanted.

Or just taller.

I can't tell you

how this have

shattered

my confidence.

I've always been

a confident person

all my life.

I always knew

what I wanted

and how

to get it.

Having tried so hard

with you,

I don't know

anymore.

I thought I have

all the answers,

now I just don't know

anymore.

My well meaning friends,

kept telling me,

to move on,

to get up and go.

But I'm so tired

I feel I no longer

have anymore

get up and go

left in me.

I've picked myself up

so many times

in my life,

I now just wanna

lay down

like a boxer

who was just

dealt a knockout blow.

Lying down on the canvas

all beaten up

no more energy

to get up

for another fight,

just lying down

bleeding,

with blood

that has left

my heart.

I'm only bleeding.

Deep down,

I wish,

you can just

see me,

and hold me,

one last time.

And feel a bit

of my pain.